Page 99 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

“I can handle it!” I lie, feeling the tears start to fall. “I can!”

Antony shakes his head at that, like I’m some snobbish brat. I hate him. “Like hell you can! He’s got you all figured out by now!”

I blink, feeling his words ricochet against me like a bullet. It’s the way he says it, like I’m some helpless girl who needs saving every single time, and Caleb knows that. But I’ve handled so much worse over the years, things he would never survive through in this lifetime.

Antony has no right to judge me.

“What about you?” I feel the corners of my mouth twitch, forming a smirk. “What about we start talking about the things you can’t handle? Let’s never mention Lucia, right?”

It’s a low blow, even for me.

The moment I say it, his face goes blank.Antony takes a step back, exhaling a short breath as he looks away from me.

And for the first time, he seems truly exhausted and angry at me. My stomach churns with both shame and regret, scared of what he’ll do.

“Tony,” I start to speak, but my voice is so small as I reach out to him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

“Well, you clearly meant it a little.” Antony pulls away, glaring at me now. “You see, this is precisely the problem with you. You’re not even smart about it. In fact, you’re two-faced as hell, Cassandra. You don’t let people in.”

“You have no right to judge me,” I explain, trying to go back and piece together my thought process. I wasn’t even angry at him. I just wanted him to let me go help my friend. “Especially not for being afraid of him after what he did to me.”

“So, you finally admit it?” he scoffs. “You’re scared of Caleb Monteiro.”

“I…” I blink, the fight starting to evade me.

“Just like you’re scared of me right now.” Antony steps forward, looming over me, like he wants to prove a point. “Just like you’re scared of your brother.”

A broken sound escapes past my lips, and I start shaking my head profusely.

“No.”

“Because you’re scared of him, aren’t you? I saw it.”

He points it out, and it doesn’t sound like he’s doing it to hurt me, but it still does. It hurts me so badly; I don’t think I’ll ever recover.

“That day, when we talked, you told us you disliked him. That was not a simple dislike , Cassandra. It was fear. You’re afraid of your own brother.”

“Stop,” I beg, shrinking against the wall. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He steps back, watching me carefully, like he can’t fully trust me anymore.

“But I’m talking about something, aren’t I?

And now my best friend is involved. Forget about you being a bitch to Kayla; clearly she’s used to it by now.

You think Beckett won’t get hurt if I tell him about what you just said? ”

And I try, really hard, to understand him.

I really do.

But the thing is, I just don’t remember.

I don’t remember how it all started.I don’t remember being so terrible to Kayla.

I don’t remember what I said, and now I can’t apologize about the things that I don’t remember.

All I remember is the drawing, and Beckett’s voice, and going to sleep at thirteen hoping to watch Gossip Girl in the morning only to get raped for an hour.

Do people even know what an hour is?

Each minute passes slowly, dragging onto the next.

When you’re doing something you hate, an hour feels like the end of the world, doesn’t it?

It felt exactly like that.

“He always protects you, and you don’t even have the courtesy to—”

Before I can say a single word, the door swings open, cutting Antony off.

Mateo steps out first, dragging Kayla with him, followed by Angelina, carrying all of our bags, and Alice, who’s carefully cupping the left side of her own face. He drops the tall dancer on the ground. Her hair is disheveled, her face tear-streaked.

Kayla’s voice so wobbly, but still strong.

“I would… I would never think of Cassandra like that!” she stutters through each word, looking at me. “I don’t know why he would even say that! She’s like a… a sister to me!”

I blink hard, trying to keep my composure, but failing. “Yeah, Kayla. I know that.”

The six of us stand in silence, and I don’t know what else to say to ease the tension I’ve created. I should’ve never texted Caleb that night. I should’ve just gone to sleep.

Mateo, who seems ready to kick someone’s ass any second now, is the only one to point out the obvious.

“Caleb is just…” he groans, brushing his hair back like he wants to hit something, or better yet, someone. “He’s just such a fucking idiot!”

Antony spares me one last glance, and I can see the wheels turning inside his head. I wait for him to say something, but he drops the ball entirely, shaking his head dismissively.

“Let’s get out of here. I really need a cigarette right now.” He sighs, eyes still dark and lost as he glances to the empty hallway, before addressing Alice. “Are you coming with us?”

One by one, our heads snap towards her.

I watch her hesitate, eyes fixed on Kayla.

“I have a lighter in my back pocket,” she offers.

Antony shrugs, seemingly too out of it to go for his usual reaction and tell her to fuck off somewhere else.

“Good, because I think I lost mine.”