Page 36 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

Antony looks between us, considering the idea for a moment.

I can see the wheels turning inside his mind, trying to weigh the pros and cons of actually saying something honest about himself.

He strikes me as the kind of person who doesn’t show his cards until you do, which is exactly the kind of attitude I’d associate with Lucia.

He takes a long drag, then flicks the ash off into a corner further away from him this time around.

“Alright. Fine. I’ll go first, if it’ll shut you both up.”

Quietly, he leans back against the wall, letting the smoke swirl around him.

Mateo’s smirk widens, and I set my Coca-Cola aside on the floor, feeling my stomach tighten with anticipation.

This is fun, I realize. I’ve never had fun with boys that didn’t involve some kind of kissing before, but this isn’t leading to that.

The only boy I’d maybe want to kiss isn’t even here.

“Lucia and I used to make videos together,” Antony starts, his voice light but guarded. “And before you get any ideas, Mateo, they weren’t porn movies. We were children, alright? So no funny business.”

I snort, not expecting that. “Really? Wait! Was Lucia Evans a theater kid?”

“Yeah.” Antony grins, but there is a softness to his smile that tells me he feels proud of her for it.

“We’d take turns filming each other singing our favorite songs—bad choreography, even worse quality, I’m telling you.

We even uploaded some of them to YouTube, and I can’t take them down because I don’t remember the password to the account anymore. ”

“That’s a little embarrassing,” Mateo chuckles. “You’re not even a good singer.”

“I know,” Tony blushes. “But I like to watch them because she sounds nice. It was fun to do it with her. We were… we were cute kids together and shit. It’s not about being cool when you’re that little.”

Silence stretches out, a weird feeling of nostalgia filling the room. Mateo is the one to interrupt it, clasping his hands together.I’m too busy trying to picture this smaller version of Lucia acting in a silly way. Her older self came across as more intense, at least to me.

“Okay. My turn.”

I roll my eyes at his dramatic ways. “Let’s hear it, Mr. Prodigy.”

The brown haired boy leans back, looking like he’s preparing for a big reveal. His expression becomes a little more serious, which causes me to think he might actually drop something that catches me off guard.

“I’ve been dead before.”

“Damn,” Antony lets out a low whistle. “Like, actually dead?”

“A-ham.” Mateo nods.

“Like, dead dead?” I wonder.

“For three entire minutes. I drowned at the beach back when I was twelve. I was with my dad. They had to perform CPR on me, and everything.”

“That’s… crazy!” I gasp, a strange kind of respect filling my chest. “Actually, no. That must’ve been traumatizing. Jesus, what did you even see?”

Mateo shrugs, and in that moment, I notice it.

The big shift. He locks his emotions, puts the mask back on, turns into the guy who seems so effortless about everything, always ready for the next big adventure.

And yet, his next words come out too quickly, and even I, who barely even know him very well, can tell they don’t ring totally true.

“I don’t remember.”

It’s a lie. I can feel it in the way his posture shifts, becoming more guarded. Antony seems unaware of it, too busy fighting off the nice buzz of his cigarette.

“Insane. Literally insane,” I joke, pretending not to notice. “How did it feel?”

“Like going to sleep.” Mateo winces. “Well, more like going to sleep when you have a fever. Drowning hurts like shit though. It burns your nostrils and everything.”

“Yikes.” Antony shrinks into himself. “Death by drowning and being buried alive are, like, my biggest fears.”

“Aren’t you a surfer?” I point out.

His eyes widen with surprise. I bet he thought I wasn’t aware of the fact. “Not a good one. Beckett is better at it than I am.”

“Of course, he is,” I answer too quickly, and feel the blood rush to my face when Antony shoots me a knowing glance. “I’ve seen him at the beach, that’s all.”

“Right.”

Mateo bites another candy and grimaces. “You still have to teach me, remember? I’m not ending our third year without knowing the basics.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Tony shrugs. “I’ll talk to Beckett soon.”

“Cool.”

The boys turn to me, and I smile.

“The pressure’s on me now, I guess.”

I consider it for a second, trying to remember a secret that wouldn’t be too revealing or embarrassing.

The stakes are pretty high because the guys were vulnerable, each in their own way.

I don’t want to say something silly, but I don’t want to tell a lie either.

I have to be honest, just like they were with me.

“I…” I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, listening to the tinkling my bracelets make when I shift. Without thinking too much about it, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, “I don’t like my brother.”

The words hang in the space between us for a moment, but the rush of my confession goes straight to my head.

My pulse quickens, and I get the urge to immediately take it back, not sure what their reaction will be.

It’s not usual for someone to hate their sibling, not unless there’s a good reason, right?

“I really don’t like him,” I repeat, and my voice is quieter this time.

“Why?” Antony’s voice cuts through the quiet, not judgmental in any way, more so curious.

I exhale slowly, trying to think of a way to put it.

“I think he’s a mean person.” I stop talking, unsure whether I should keep going or not. Mateo didn’t. “I’m not saying that I want him dead or something. It’s just… If he wasn’t my brother, you know? I doubt we’d even talk.”

Antony hums in acknowledgement and I swallow hard, hoping he won’t push for more. Mateo looks at me for a long moment, his expression unreadable, while the other boy seems to be coming to terms with something.

“Beckett said you were different,” he admits it after a beat, as if testing the waters. “He told me to go easy on you.”

I blink, caught off guard. “He did?”

“Yeah.” He shifts the cigarette between his fingers, eyeing me intentionally. “He mentioned you weren’t like the rest of your family, and no shade, but I really doubted it. But that’s why you don’t get along with them, right? It’s why Nathaniel makes you ride to school instead of dropping you off.”

“I like going to school alone,” I chip in. “It’s good exercise.”

Except when it’s raining too much, which is all the time these days.

Beckett always offers to drop me, but sometimes I feel too embarrassed to be asking for favors.

I already knew he didn’t like my brother, but hearing about him continuously defend me when I’m not even there makes something inside of me feel weird.

I just…I didn’t think Beckett was paying much attention to me.

He’s just a silly crush, though, isn’t he?

Just a friend.Nothing more.

“But yeah, maybe,” I murmur, unsure how to process the new information. “I guess he’s mean to me, too.”

Antony frowns and Mateo doesn’t say anything, but his gaze becomes more serious the longer he stares at me. I don’t like it. Maybe I’ve told them too much. It’s definitely my time to shut up.

Just because I want more friends, it doesn’t mean that I have to be desperate about it. I realize just how much I’m making it sound worse than it actually is. I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world. I wouldn’t .

A beat later, he shakes his head and smiles.

“Well, I guess that does it. You’re one of us now.”

I let out a short, shaky laugh, running my fingers nervously through my hair, before saying, “No blood pact, huh?”