Page 52 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

But I still see hesitation there, like she might agree with me, but something is still pulling her back. It’s a weird reaction to have. Her next words leave me even more unsettled than before.

“I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea,” she explains, keeping her words lighthearted. “You know what I mean.”

“And why would he be getting the wrong idea?” I try to smile a little, leaning in slightly. “Am I not allowed to greet my friends?”

Cassandra swallows hard, color creeping up her cheeks. It’s the prettiest shade, reminding me of the oil painting portraits Lucia liked to obsess over.

“Oh, look.” I touch her cheek, pressing my thumb against the corner of her mouth. Her lips part on instinct, and the tip of my thumb finds the glossy texture of her lipstick. I pull back at the last minute, but my skin is stained with a pinkish color. “I’m making you blush.”

She shoves my hand away from her face, shiny lips pursed into a pout. “You’re such an idiot!”

I grin. “Come here. I’m not done with you.”

Instinctively, I take her hand and start pulling her through the sea of people. She traces after me, not resisting, though her thumb brushes every so often against the back of my hand, sending a weird jolt through me.

“Can we go somewhere quiet?” I look around, trying to find a way out of the room. “Help me find a spot.”

“Well, good luck to us. This place is packed.”

Cassandra rolls her eyes but still catches up to me, also looking around. Her steps falter when someone tries to come in between us. I pull her in front of me, sliding my arms around her waist. She gasps when I press a long, loud kiss to her cheek.

“Beckett!”

“Is he still watching?” I ask, refusing to check on Nathaniel again. Fuck him, and fuck what he’s thinking. Funnily enough, I hope he is watching. I really want to piss him off.

She exhales, tilting her head back against my shoulder. The movement is effortless and natural, her high heels making her a little taller than usual.

“God, we should really stop.” Her green eyes roll to the back of her head with fake annoyance. “Nathaniel is going to kill me.”

“Why does he care so much about who you hang out with?” I finally blurt out the question that’s been in the back of my head all along. “He’s your brother, not your keeper.”

She tenses in my arms, and I spin her around, making her fall against me.

We’ve hit the stage where only a few old couples are slow-dancing together to a jazzy tune.

Her hand rests on my shoulder, and while the move is casual and practiced, her fingers won’t stop trembling against the fabric of my tuxedo.

“Beckett?”

“Yes?” I touch her hand, silently asking her to hold mine as we sway. “Breathe.”

“I’m breathing,” she insists, unaware of how nervous she seems. “I swear, I am.”

“No, you’re not.” I lean a little closer, forehead brushing against hers. “We’re just friends dancing at a fundraiser. So what if your brother sees us? Who cares? You’re not doing anything wrong.”

“But I’m supposed to be helping Kayla.” Her grip tightens, pulling me closer. “Alice is here, and I want them to have a moment.”

“If Kayla wants a moment with Alice, she can go and get it.” I glance at the bar, where the two girls are standing side by side, ordering drinks together. “Look at them. Right over there. They’re fine.”

Cassandra presses her head to my chest, her voice dropping. She sounds more upset now, and my chest tightens with worry.

“You don’t understand.” A moment later, she adds, “I really wish you did.”

And yeah, I really don’t.She never really talks about her family besides a random comment here and there, but I’ve also never asked. So while no, I don’t get it, I definitely could if she lets me in.That’s what friends are for.

“Explain it to me.” My hand drifts to her lower back, steadying her. “Why does it matter?”

“Because I don’t want him to see me with a boy tonight.” She shakes her head. “Nathaniel already thinks we’re dating, and if he starts to see us together, he is going to—”

I cut her off and say, “But we’re not.”

Jesus.

The flirting earlier was harmless .I was just having fun.

Me texting her sometimes? Harmless too. We’ve never even kissed, for fuck’s sake.

If I wanted to date Cassandra Rivera, I’d be the first person to know.

And if I did want her, which I don’t, I sure as hell wouldn’t let someone like Caleb Monteiro get in the way and win her over, that’s for sure.

“That’s not what he thinks,” she mutters, tilting her head up.

Her nose brushes against mine, breath warm against my skin, and I raise an eyebrow at her to ask a silent question.

Who cares what he thinks?

“I’m just trying to avoid getting in any trouble,” she adds, blinking slowly at me.

“So what? Should I not talk to you in public?” I exhale sharply, my voice dropping, words coming out a little more vulnerable than I was aiming for. “Should I just never be around you ever again?”

Never be where he can see us. Because Nathaniel is the problem, isn’t he? Not once has she mentioned her father or mother. Not fucking once. It’s all him.

People are looking. Not to judge us for being this close, just to admire the sight of two young people actually enjoying a slow dance. All I can think about is this new piece of information.

There’s definitely something about Nathaniel that makes Cassandra overly nervous in a way a sister shouldn’t be around her own brother. And yes, sometimes I acted overprotective with Lucia, but even then, I knew my limits.

“But you’re doing a lot more than just greeting me.” She lifts her chin, voice sharp, which is usually never the way she talks to me. There’s a first time for everything, I guess.

I smile softly, amused.

“Oh, yeah? What am I doing?”

“You’re flirting.” I stiffen, but she keeps going, sounding every bit certain of it. “And at the park? I was flirting, too. Your head on my lap? Me giving you a massage? I mean, I don’t even do this shit with Caleb Monteiro, who I’m actually trying to date.”

“And whose fault is that?” I shoot back, voice still low. “Because it isn’t mine, Cassandra.”

“Oh.” She scoffs suddenly, rolling her eyes like she suddenly can’t stand me. “There is a bit of an asshole in you after all. I thought I’d never see it.”

“We’re just friends.”

“I guess we are,” her voice is soft but firm, leaving no room for argument.

The energy between us shifts, the tension breaking into something hot and unfamiliar. It curls in the space we just created, my fingers twitching at her sides, her breath warm against my skin.

She’s even beautiful when she’s annoyed, I realize.

“So, you never even thought about it?”

“About what?” I ask.

Cassandra starts to blush. “You’re always saying that I’m pretty.”

“Because you are.”

“And that you like talking to me.”

“I do.” I nod. “What’s wrong with saying that?”

“Nothing.” Cassandra shakes her head, deflating a little. “I just… Just tell me one thing, Beckett,” she whispers, pulling my neck, drawing me in. “If I said yes right now, how much would you enjoy kissing me?”

My breath catches with surprise.

My first instinct is to brush it off, make some kind of smartass remark, but it would feel fake coming from me. The truth is that while I’d never considered the thought of it before, her question does make me pause. It’s like watching a wheel start to spin inside my head, and I feel a little dizzy.

Do I want to kiss her?

The thing is, I don’t know. I truly never really considered the thought of it before, but now that I am considering it, now that I can picture it happening…

Does she…

Does she want me to kiss her?

And if she does, why didn’t she just say so?

“Cassie,” I start to speak too fast, forgetting to keep my words soft. “You can’t do this to me right now.”

And what I mean by that is, she can’t play little games hoping I’ll catch up.

I told her that people usually come up to me, but that’s not exactly the entire truth.

There was a time when I did try reaching out to people, mainly girls.

But reading between the lines, trying to understand all the hidden meanings, was too confusing. I gave up trying entirely.

Besides, she’s my friend. If she feels something, she’s allowed to talk to me about it. I’d never make fun of her for it. I don’t think her feelings are stupid at all.If she wants to try, then why not just do it? I did hate seeing her with Caleb a little. Couldn’t that be the reason?

The world doesn’t fall apart when I consider kissing Cassandra Rivera for the very first time. In fact, it’s the opposite of what I felt compared to Alex. It’s not challenging or desperate. It’s… It’s comfortable, like our friendship is.

A place to fall on, like a home.

My heart rises up to my throat, a feeling of uncertainty making me want to bolt. She is a friend, so why do I feel like there might be something else there? Something more .

Maybe…

Just maybe…

“Okay. Never mind,” she dismisses me just as quickly, shaking her head. “Forget I even said anything.”

“Hey, no.” I shake my head. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“It’s okay, Beckett. I always knew you’d reject me.”

Always?

How…

How long has she been thinking about this?

“I’m not rejecting you.”

But before I can explain myself, Cassandra pulls away, stepping back like she just remembered something important. She flicks her long hair, pressing her lips together.

“Cass?” I ask, voice lower than I mean it to be.

“Yes?”

“Are you…” I wince. “Are you mad at me now?”

This doesn’t feel nice either. I don’t want her to simply throw this question on my lap and pull away when I don’t react the way she expects me to.

I’m not following a script here, I was just trying to figure her out.

This is the hardest part about having conversations—people usually assume I mean things when I don’t, or that I am aware of what I’m supposed to be saying next. It makes me nervous.

“No.” She insists, but there’s something guarded in her expression now, a resistance that makes my insides burn. “I just want to stop dancing with you for now.”

“Hold on, just let me speak.” I take a step forward, but she takes another back, crossing her arms.

A nervous habit, I’m certain.

I’m just not used to being on the receiving end of it.

“No! God, I’m so stupid…” she snaps, and if anything, she suddenly sounds defeated. “We’re just friends, right? It’s all I am to you. I don’t know why I even considered for a second that you would actually like me back.”

“Cassandra, I really think that…”

I don’t answer right away. I’m scared I’ll say something wrong and upset her even further. Because honestly, I don’t know what the hell she wants me to say.

When we texted, Cassandra told me she had a crush on me before, but she didn’t say anything about still feeling the same way about me now.

I couldn’t just assume she still liked me, for fuck’s sake.

We were kids. More often than not, feelings that come up this early don’t last. Didn’t Mom tell me so many times I had a girlfriend in kindergarten? I can barely remember her name now.

And I’m really not good at this. I’m not good at picking up the smallest clues in conversations. Sometimes, I miss things. I get awkward, too. I don’t know how to act at the moment, and I need just a little more time to think about it.

Deep down, I’m just wishing she’d just tell me upfront what she feels, instead of asking me about mine. I mean, when I told her people usually come up to me first, it wasn’t a comment I made to… to brag.

Did she really not know that?

Oh .

“Okay.” She doesn’t wait for me to figure out how to explain this to her. Instead, she exhales sharply and looks away from me. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

And just like that, the moment is gone.

I watch her leave silently, but my hands are still clenched at my sides, resisting something.

What?

I don’t know.

What if… What if it doesn’t work?

What if…

I don’t know.

I can’t.

I need to breathe.

I’m too overwhelmed, and my heart is beating way too fast for something that’s supposed to mean nothing .

That’s precisely because it wasn’t, and now we both know it.

And once I’m done pushing down the uncomfortable lump stuck in my throat with whatever drink they’re serving that night, that last thought takes enough space in my head to become the reason why I’m chasing after her in this stupid party.