Page 62 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

DISSECTING MORE THAN FROGS

Cassandra

Neither Alice nor Angelina got suspended.

I figure this out when they walk into our biology class, one after the other, like scolded dogs with their tails tucked low.

Alice’s eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, which is not a good look for a girl who supposedly is the meanest of them all.

Angelina waves around a piece of paper that looks a lot like a nurse’s note.

“We’re very sorry for being so late and interrupting your class, Mr. Valdez.”

“Yes, we’re very sorry,” Alice echoes, her tone dull.

Mr. Valdez is the kind of teacher who needs to be in control. He hasn’t worked at Sainte Madeleine for a very long time. Dad picked him out because he graduated from Sorbonne, but most of the kids can’t stand how much of a control freak he can be. Like, he’s super strict about class layouts.

He moves Renato to the back so Alice can sit at the front next to Kayla.

Then, with the kindness of a dictator, he orders Zacharias to take the empty seat in the far left side of the right row next to Laura.

That leaves an empty spot next to me.To my growing horror, Mr. Valdez gestures for Angelina to take it, nudging her forward like she’s some kind of uncivilized being.

I hate when this happens. Teachers always think because I’m quiet and like to keep to myself, I’m the least susceptible to creating conflict with the troublemakers.

“Move along, Cardoso.”

I brace myself, expecting Angelina to roll her eyes and tell him off because his intentions are fairly obvious, but surprisingly enough, she just nods and sits down without a word.

The first thirty minutes of class are excruciatingly slow. Mr. Valdez explains all the safety protocols as if any of us would actually consider licking the frogs.

I half-listen, half-doze off.

Flirting with Caleb all night has stolen my sleep. Our conversations are mostly meaningless to me; I can never remember why we even talk so much to begin with after we’re done.

It’s a strange concept, to be sharing so much of myself but still feeling numb. I sometimes can’t remember what kind of pictures he asks me to send, not until I find them staring at me in the gallery. I keep so many questions locked in my head.

Is this what I look like?

Is the camera on my phone lying to me?

Is this what Nathaniel saw?

I don’t know anymore.

Still, I’m scared he’ll lose interest if I don’t give him enough attention.

It’s like I’m walking a tightrope. If I stop sending the pictures, Caleb will forget about me.

It makes me a little sad that we never really talk about anything other than sex.

My body is perfect for him, and he won’t ever let me forget it, but a girl could use a bit of kindness.

“Can you handle the cutting?” Angelina asks, eyeing the tiny corpse. Her voice chases my thoughts away, and I shake my head, feigning normalcy. “I don’t do well with… that.”

I hesitate.

“Sure.” My stomach rolls uncomfortably. “But, ah, Angelina. To be honest, I’m also not the best at cutting either.”

Truthfully, I don’t do well with science experiments on animals either, but I’m also not about to hand a scalpel to the girl who just beat the shit out of Alice Chartrand of all people. Disgusted, I pull on my gloves and adjust my mask, placing the frog in the dissecting pan.

“To begin the dissection.” Mr. Valdez pauses, his head snapping to the opposite side of the room. “No, Zacharias. You cannot pull the frog’s legs like that!” He snaps, voice sharp.

I poke the frog with the edge of the scalpel, watching the way its little black eyes stare back at me in horror.

“Okay. Nope. I’m not doing this.”

Angelina crosses her arms over her chest. “The teacher will yell at us if you don’t.”

“Then, you do it.” I hand her the scalpel. “Please, be my guest. Cut Tiana down.”

“Tiana? Seriously? What are you, five?” She stares at me like I’m stupid. “He is obviously a male.”

I blink fast. “And how do you know that?”

She gestures at the little frog’s throat.Her hand is perfectly manicured, with blood-red pointed nails.

“Look at the baggy skin around his throat and his size. This is definitely a he, not a she.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Females are larger.” Angelina smiles proudly.

“Oh.” My chest deflates. “I didn’t think of that.”

“I saw it in a documentary.” She flicks her head, making a big deal out of sounding smart. I don’t think Angelina is any better as a student than I am, though. Our results have always been pretty much the same.

I stare at her, a little surprised. “You watch documentaries?”

“I do now,” she explains quietly, a bit shy now. “Not so much before.”

Something immediately clicks. Angelina watched animal documentaries at the hospital. Oh, wow.

“That’s really cool,” I say casually, now poking at the frog’s belly. Liking the way this conversation is going, I decide to make small talk for once. “Did you learn anything else about them?”

“Not really. And if I did, I don’t remember. The episode was about their reproductive system.”

“That’s disgusting.”

“Yeah, it made me nauseous halfway through.”

I grimace. “Ew!”

Angelina laughs, “Right?”

We lapse into silence, neither of us daring to make a move and do the work.

Our frog Tiana-who-is-a-He remains thoroughly untouched.

Angelina is helpful in other ways: she copies off our neighbor’s notes by using her amazing powers of intimidation, while I take care of the drawings with my pastel crayons.

I watch her write in cursive, admiring how neat her handwriting looks, all smooth cursive letters.

“You and Mateo have the same handwriting,” I whisper, still sketching the frog.

“Who?”

“Mateo Pereira.”

“Wait.” She pauses, glancing at me with her inquisitive almond-brown eyes. “You mean Gabriel?”

“Oh.” I tuck a wild strand of hair behind my ear. “He introduced himself to me as Mateo.”

The corner of her lips twitches with amusement.

“He’s so silly.” She shakes her head, pausing for a moment.

“How long have you two known each other?” I prod, feeling curious. “You seem close.”

“Oh, I guess we are. He’s just someone I’ve known for a while.” Angelina smiles proudly at her non-response. Understanding dawns on me that Mateo is a secret she wants to keep to herself. “I’m not the best at keeping up with gossip these days, but are you still going out with Caleb?”

“Yeah.” I stare at my feet, swinging them back and forth under the table. “We’re not doing a lot of going out, though. Just texting.”

She sneaks a side look at me, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “And kissing at the library?”

My face heats up. “Yeah. Definitely some kissing at the library.”

Caleb and I always stay together after class, hanging out in empty classrooms and dirty bathrooms. We watch videos together on his tiny phone screen and steal French madeleines from the vending machine.

It should feel like the kind of puppy love that makes my stomach flip, but I spend all my time wondering how to get him to be as obsessed with me as I feel about him.

And honestly?

It’s fucking terrible, that’s what it is.

“Is it so bad that I like him?” I dare to ask, feeling foolish. “Last time, you kind of made me feel like I was stupid, but he’s acting really kind, and I’ve never—” I wince, feeling a little humiliated by the fact. “I’ve never had a guy be so interested in me before, you know?”

“No, you weren’t being stupid,” Angelina cuts me off, fixing a strand of hair behind her ear. “I was too harsh, Cassandra. It’s totally on me.”

She’s lying.

I can tell; it’s all very obvious to me.The way her hands are clenched into fists, how her body tenses at the slight mention of his name. She’s hiding something, maybe protecting someone. And suddenly, just like that, it clicks in my brain, clarity slipping in.

“Alright, what did he do to her?” I whisper.

Lucia Evans.

The name I’ve been avoiding since that night after the fundraiser. Every single bad thing that’s been happening somehow always leads up to her, and there’s no way this can be any different.

Angelina’s head snaps toward me in confusion. “Who are you even talking about?”

“Lucia, who else?” I ask. “You got so mad at me, but if it’s about her, I get it. She’s your friend, and I’m just some girl. But what did he do to her anyway?”

Her lips press into a thin line.

She grabs the scalpel from me, and without a warning, slices Tiana right open. The cut is deep, starting around her neck and then down to the stomach, and I have to breathe through my nose very deeply to avoid spilling my stomach’s contents all over the table.

“Tiana is officially dead. Are you taking out the organs, or am I?” she asks, her tone cold and detached. She lets the scalpel go and raises her hand to call the teacher. “Mr. Valdez? I think Cassandra and I need your help with the dissection.”

She’s ignoring me.

“Angelina, did I say something wrong?” I ask, staring at our work, a little horrified. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Behind us, I hear a few of the kids start laughing.

“God, she’s literally insane.”

I turn, glaring at them, growing tired of this, whatever this is. So what if Angelina has problems? Who do they think they are, pointing fingers at her?

“What’s so funny?” I say, loud enough for the entire class to hear. “Why don’t you guys say it out loud instead of whispering to each other? Come on, let me in on the joke.”

“What are you now, her friend?” One of the girls, a redheaded one, scoffs. I don’t remember her name right now. It’s unimportant.

“She’s not!” Angelina snaps.

“I am!” I say at the same time.

We both freeze, staring at each other. Angelina gives me a confused look, like she can’t believe someone is finally standing up for her.

I know what that feels like. I’ve never had it happen for myself either.Every single time I had to sit and have dinner with a black eye on my face, only to be ignored the whole night by my parents, my heart died a little more deep inside.

It’d be good to have someone standing up for me someday. It’d be really nice to have someone on my side.

“Girls?” Mr. Valdez stops behind Angelina, touching her back gently. “Do you need a moment?”

“I’m fine, sir. Cassandra and I just need your help with the assignment,” Angelina’s voice is perfectly even, but I can tell it’s just a front.

I shift, motioning to trade spots with her, keeping her further away from the girls. She notices it, and I catch a flicker of gratitude in her gaze when she glances back at me.

“We can’t figure out how to dissect it.”

“Should I just cut this way?” I ask curiously. “I was thinking horizontally made more sense.”

It’s a blatant lie, but also the best way to divert the attention of my classmates back to their own work. I know damn well that I don’t have to do that, but the teacher smiles brightly, happy that I’m finally showing some interest in the lesson.

And it works. Mr. Valdez and I spend the next ten minutes or so talking, and he explains to me exactly what I need to do again. I even take notes, putting on my perfect student act. Once he leaves, my attention drifts back to the girls who were just harassing Angelina.

“You guys think you can do and say anything you want all the time,” my voice is quiet but firm. “And yet, none of you know how to produce a thought that doesn’t come from someone else’s head.”

The redhead scoffs. “Geez, Cassie. Relax.”

“No,” I insist, standing my ground. “You relax. Back off.”

“It’s not like we’re doing what Alice does.”

“Well, at least Alice would make it a point to say it to her face,” I argue, but the girl next to me reaches out and pulls me back, which makes me stop talking.

“It’s okay,” Angelina says, her expression unreadable. “I don’t care. Whatever. Let them talk.”

“It’s not okay,” I mumble, reluctantly turning to face her but feeling pouty. “You shouldn’t allow them to walk all over you like that. They’re being really cruel, Angelina.”

She lets out a short, humorless laugh. “You called me a freak too, remember?”

I blink hard. “That was different.” I roll my eyes when she doesn’t budge, crossing my arms over my chest. “Come on, you know it is.”

Her brown eyes soften, something sweet and delicate, just in time for her to reveal the tiniest smile. “But you still said it.”

Her words aren’t angry, more so amused, which makes me hesitate. Maybe I should apologize anyway. It wasn’t very congenial of me, either.

“Well, I take it back, then.” I wet my lips and turn my nose up, proudly ignoring the other girls. “You’re not a freak, Angie. I’m sorry for making you feel like you were.”

Angelina doesn’t say anything, but she seems surprised that I’d go there. I get it. Not a lot of people here like to apologize and admit they’re in the wrong.

I pick up the scalpel, cutting the poor frog, refusing to look at her again. She stays quiet for the rest of the hour, a little too stunned. But when the bell rings again, at the end of class, Angelina Cardoso still waits for me to gather my things up before walking out of the room.

“Do you ever…” I hesitate, pressing my books against my chest. “Do you ever want to grab lunch together or something?”

Angelina rolls her eyes at me. “I’m not sitting with Zacharias.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s a fake.” She pulls her hair to the side. “And I don’t hang out with people who talk shit about me behind my back.”

“Okay.” I pout. “But we could go eat somewhere else.”

“What about Kayla?”

“I can ask her to come.” I wet my bottom lip, considering whether Kayla would enjoy having lunch at the library or not. She’s very talkative, so maybe finding a spot in the garden would be best. “Or not, if you don’t want to.”

Angelina hums, which seems neither positive or negative, before she rolls her eyes and groans.

“I’ll think about it. See you tomorrow, I guess.”

“See you.” I wave a hand, watching her walk away.

We might never become the closest of friends, but I think it could be fun to try to talk to her sometimes. Caleb’s opinion of her shouldn’t become my own; besides, there are always two sides to the same story.

At least I got to apologize and make amends for being a bitch to her when she caught us kissing. And if anything, I guess it’s a start.