Page 129 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

She looks at me, then at him, trying to maintain her usual indifference, but it’s slipping. Watching her defenses come up is not a pretty sight to witness.

Is this how I look when Beckett makes me feel jealous?

“You’re reading way too much into this,” Angelina tries to laugh, but it falls flat. “Come on, let’s not fight. We’re being ridiculous.”

But Mateo isn’t listening anymore.

He’s not like Beckett; in fact, they’re very different people.

He isn’t able to pinpoint that Angelina is getting upset or that this conversation is pointless. I don’t know enough about them, about their relationship, to intervene without making a mess of things. I am frozen in place, watching the fight unravel.

“Are we?” Mateo snaps, a little too insistent. “Or were you just trying to rile me up just now?”

“I wasn’t,” she denies it, but with the way her arms are crossed over her chest and her gaze is avoiding mine, I can tell she’s lying.

Does she…

Does she like this?

Why?

Fighting him is clearly hurting her.

“Stop acting like I don’t know you, angel.” Mateo chuckles slowly, but I feel there’s lingering hurt in his voice, too. “It seriously pisses me off.”

“Oh, you’re pissed?” Angelina asks, dragging her fingers under her eyes, but her face is dry in spite of the theatrics. “Look how bad I feel about it, Gabriel! Look!”

He looks away from her, jaw tight.

“Real mature, Angelina.”

“You know what?” she spits out. “Fuck you, Gabriel! I told you to drop it, but you’re the one who kept going!”

“Right.” Mateo smirks meanly. “Because I’m the one who doesn’t give a fuck about you, right? I’m the one who’s purposefully doing shit to make you feel uncomfortable?”

“I’m sick and tired of dealing with your moods.”

“My moods?” his eyes widen, faking shock. “Angelina, just yesterday you fought me about the stupidest reason in the world.”

“It’s not stupid, and I get to do whatever the fuck I want!”

“No, you don’t!” he sighs. “You actually don’t, not if it’s going to make you freak out for hours on me, saying the worst things just to hurt my feelings!”

“Gabriel, I apologized to you!” Angelina cries, and I grab her arm, trying to pull her away from him. “I told you I was sorry!”

“Stop!” he sinks into the tub, looking like he just wants to disappear. “Stop calling me that!”

“Guys, please. Let’s not argue.” I tap Mateo’s chest, motioning for him to let me up. “You’re both making a big deal out of nothing. It’s a misunderstanding.”

“It’s not a misunderstanding,” he presses, not ready to let it go. “It’s your friend acting like a total bitch.”

I frown a little, thinking he might be going too far.

“Okay. Language?”

“I get it that you’re sick, Angelina. I understand.” He rises up to his feet. “But it doesn’t mean you get to treat me like shit just because you can!”

“You said you were fine!”

“I wasn’t!”

“Enough!” I step between them, feeling like Bella Swan talking about being Switzerland. “You both need to calm down!”

“Oh, it’s fine , Cassandra!“ Angelina shakes her head, her voice now dripping with mock sweetness. “Mateo is just finally tired of me!”

Mateo doesn’t miss a beat.

“What if I fucking am?”

Angelina pales, ignoring me completely.

I wince, knowing that this is not what he should’ve said to her right now.

We were all having a good night.

It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

“Well, at least you know how to be honest about this one thing.” She shakily crushes her cigarette in the ashtray and walks out, slamming the door behind her.

I immediately glare at him.

“What?”

“Why’d you call her a bitch?” I snap, pointing a perfectly pink nail at him. “And why did you just say that to her? Are you fucking insane? After all she’s been through?”

Mateo’s gaze hardens. “You don’t know her like I do.”

“I know her well enough!” I sigh. “I thought you two were into each other or something.”

They kissed at the beach multiple times.

I’ve even seen the way Mateo looks at her sometimes, like she’s the only person he cares about in a crowded room. Shouldn’t it be obvious? Why can’t he just be a little understanding?

“It’s her fault!” Mateo groans. “I’m not a fucking ping-pong ball either, okay?”

“She’s not—” I explain. “Even if she acts all tough and unbothered, Angelina still has feelings. You can’t call her a bitch; it’s super hurtful!”

“If I can’t call her that, she can’t call me by that name either!” his voice is raw, filled with emotion. “It’s basically the same thing.”

I touch his shoulder lightly. “It’s really not. Gabriel is just a name, Mateo. You literally insulted her to her face.”

“It’s just a name to you!” He shakes my hand off him, his gaze flying back to the door in a desperate way. It’s like he can tell that he’s wrong and I’m right, but he doesn’t know what to do to fix this mess. “It’s the name he gave me!”

Oh.

This is what it’s about.

“Have you even ever told her why?”

Mateo’s shoulders tense.

“Angelina cares about you, but she’s not a mind reader, you know?” I add thoughtfully. “She’d never hurt you on purpose like you just did.”

If Angelina knew why the name bothered him, she’d stop. I know she would. She is blunt to a fault, but she isn’t heartless. It is, in fact, the biggest misconception people have about her personality.

“She went through a lot in the hospital. It really shaped who she is, and going back to school was really hard on her.” I clear my throat, finding it hard to explain what I get about Angelina that might not be so evident to others. “Angie has a lot of baggage, but she’s trying.”

“So am I,” his voice is quiet.

I don’t reply to that, knowing there’s always two sides to the same story. He might be wrong now, but there are things about him that no one else knows.

Every person has their own secrets, the little things they only allow a few designated people to see. I think Mateo is the kind of person who keeps every single one of his cards to himself. He isn’t like me, the kind of person who will fold as soon as they feel safe.

I wonder why that is.

Mateo shakes his head, forcing a smile. It doesn’t meet his eyes. His voice sounds vacant.

“I don’t want to play games.”

“Then why are you?” I ask softly, coaxing him towards the door.

“Because,” he exhales a soft, miserable laugh. “That’s the only way she lets me get close.”

“This is so toxic.” I shake my head tiredly, thinking of finding Beckett next. Angelina never comes to me when she’s too upset, not unless it’s about Lucia or topics we’ve already talked about before. “You should go find her right now and apologize.”

I want to hug my boyfriend, kiss him, and thank him for being such a gentleman when I’m in my weakest moments. I wouldn’t have been able to recover if he’d treated me the same way Mateo went about Angelina tonight.

“Yeah, I know.” He shrugs. “I’m always trying to do the best I can, but now I’m in too deep to stop.”

***

Except, things with Mateo don’t get any better.

In fact, it gets much worse.

I pull away from kissing my boyfriend just long enough to glance at Mateo and Angelina a few tables over.

We’re at Silvio’s again, which is becoming our traditional gathering spot.

It feels nice to follow some kind of routine where I meet the same people, sleep next to the same boy, and avoid any upsetting feelings.

I haven’t had a panic attack or some kind of tantrum in a few days, and when Beckett touches me, it always feels good.

Except Angelina and Mateo are fighting.

Again.

“I trusted you with it!” she snaps, hands gesturing wildly. “I trusted you with the only thing I cared enough about!”

“I told you, it was in my backpack before I left home…” I don’t get to hear what’s being said next because the music is too loud. “I didn’t even touch it!”

“So what? Did the fucking tooth fairy steal it away?” She seems to be on the verge of tears, her eyes dropping whenever he isn’t looking. “You don’t care.” She shakes her head, taking a step back. “Why don’t you care?”

“You know I care.” He breathes deeply, trying to rein his emotions. “Of course, I care. I’ll find it for you. I’ll look around the house again, okay?”

“But what if it’s not there?”

“It will be, Angelina. I promise.” And when he finishes his drink, her shoulders drop, weighed down with something heavier. “Hey, don’t. Don’t look at me like this…”

What is going on?

“That’s his third.” I mention it thoughtfully.

Beckett’s lips brush against my temple. He hums in acknowledgment, blue eyes flickering between me and our friends, confusion evident.

“Baby, what are you talking about?”

The nickname makes me melt.I’m glad that he’s listening to me and to my stupid worries. It feels good to be able to share my opinions with someone, even the most frivolous ones.

This is how a partnership feels, right?

I’m doing this right.

I can be such a good girlfriend.

“Mateo.” I wet my lips before adding. “That’s his third drink, and we’ve only been here for an hour.”

Beckett frowns, his features hardening.

The cocktails aren’t strong enough to knock him down, but lately, it seems like Mateo can’t talk to someone without being at least a little bit tipsy.

Worst thing is, sometimes we don’t even realize that he’s getting tipsy until his laugh sounds too loud and too wrong.

I never know what to say, how to act, or how to make him feel better.

He won’t talk to any of us about what’s upsetting him.

I’m really counting on his birthday to changes things for the better. Maybe he’ll see just how much the rest of us care about him, especially Angelina, and stop acting like a jerk.

Beckett winces, watching me carefully. “He was hungover at the parade too. It’s why he felt sick in the first place.”

“Really?” I tilt my head, giving him the sweetest quick peck on the lips. “Is this why you’ve been acting weird around him?”

“I’m just trying to keep my distance.” Beckett kisses me back. “I wish you’d follow my lead about that.”