Page 9 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

“He’s older than me,” I scoff, feeling blood rushing to my face. “It’s never happening.”

“So what? He’s basically older by what? Two years? My parents have a way bigger age gap.”

Except her parents met after her mother hit thirty and finally learned how to skinny-dip her way into a river and a man’s heart. Manon and Jo are an iconic couple.

“Precisely two years, and I’m still sixteen now.”

Kayla singsongs, “But you’re turning seventeen in December.”

“Just accept it, Kayla. Beckett Evans will never go for a girl like me. He dated Alex-with-the-red hair,” I don’t forget to point out the obvious while I play with my hair, rolling a thick strand around my finger. “He likes what’s unique.”

And maybe I don’t want him to go for a girl like me, too.

It would be nice, of course, to date a guy like Beckett. He is really sweet and kind, and I can just tell that he would treat me well. But I’ve never been with a boy before, at least not seriously, and the thought of dating one makes me feel uneasy.

“Your parents would totally freak out,” Kayla snickers, shaking her head lightly. “At least that part is true.”

Nathaniel certainly would.

My chest feels tight with palpitations at the thought of my brother ever seeing Beckett Evans, and I like that. For some reason, I don’t think he would like it very much if I brought a guy home, even if it’s one as good as Beckett is.

“I guess they would,” I lie, my tongue feeling a little heavy.

Kayla pauses, making a suspicious sound, “You know, I thought my eyes were lying to me, but you’re definitely acting weird.”

I shake my head. “You’re so out of it.”

“No, I’m not. You have a crush.” Kayla settles the apple down, holding herself straighter. When I don’t look at her, she gasps loudly, “Oh my God, you really do!”

“It will never happen, Kay.” I wave her off, shrugging my shoulders. “But I agree. I have a small crush, okay?”

Kayla grins in an I-told-you-so kind of way.

I sigh. “What can I say? He is a pretty boy.”

“And he is so, so sad.” She blows a few kisses up in the air. “You could console him with your pretty green eyes. He could kiss you with his pretty lips. You guys would have the ugliest pretty children together.”

“Don’t be silly. I don’t want to make light of what he is going through like that.” I hold my book in place, turning the pages even if I don’t try to read them. I can’t focus on the aftermath of the Second World War when Kayla talks about Beckett Evans. “It’s really sad, what’s happening to him.”

“Right.”

“He’s a good person,” I remind her. “A good person who is going through a lot.”

Her shoulders slump, sadness in her eyes. “I know. God, I didn’t mean to imply the opposite.”

Placing my hand on top of hers, I try my best to sound reassuring, “It’s okay, really.”

“It’s just.” She turns her head, watching our classmates. “I’ve been thinking about it, and we barely have a year left. Things should be happening, right? Good things, I mean. Not the tragic kind.”

Kayla continues, sounding wiser beyond her years.

“Sitting around, waiting for something to happen, won’t do it.”

“Oh, but what should we do?” I wonder. “It’s not like we haven’t tried making more friends and going to parties before.”

Kayla wets her full lips, the bottom one a slightly lighter color than the top. Her eyes are downcast, her face pensive.

“We need to dig deeper,” she decides. “Think about who we are and what we want, and all that.”

Her words make me pause. “That’s kind of really stupid. You know who you are, Kayla.”

She puts the apple down, setting it aside like she no longer feels any appetite. “It’s not stupid. I mean, sure, I do know who I am already, but I don’t know. What if I’m wrong?”

I frown. “Wrong about what?”

“I…” Kayla trails off. She crosses her arms over her chest protectively, sounding too upset. “I don’t know, Cassie.”

“Something is bothering you, isn’t it?” I lower my voice, overly aware that there are people all around us. “Is this why you called me last night to complain about Olivia?”

Olivia is Kayla’s older sister.

They’re inseparable.

“No, no.” My friend denies, pressing her lips together. A moment later, she adds, sounding totally suspicious, “Olivia has nothing to do with this.”

I think about it, trying to decide if I should press on the Olivia part of the question or just move on.

“Well, I know you weren’t freaking out over my grades for no reason. What’s the issue?”

“Nothing. I do care about your grades,” Kayla explains, leaning closer to me before looking around us. “You are very important to me. I want you to succeed.”

“Sure, whatever. You are important to me too. That’s not what I’m asking, though,” I speak in a rush, crossing my arms over my chest. “Listen, just tell me what’s up already, or I’ll start to think about the worst.”

“You know how…” she stops and grimaces like someone who just took a bite out of sour candy. “Oh, God. I can’t. It’s too embarrassing, Cassie. I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I’m sorry, I just can’t.”

“Embarrassing?” I pause, finding it strange. Kayla and I are so far past the point of getting embarrassed in our friendship. It’s totally not what we’re all about. “What the heck?”

Her shy gaze travels from me towards the neighboring tables around us, stopping when she hears what I recognize as Alice Chartrand’s obnoxious loud giggling. Sainte Madeleine’s current official mean girl apparently knows how to take some time off her agenda of mischief to laugh with her friends.

Kayla’s eyes narrow at first, which I consider to be a normal reaction. They do not get along, like at all. But then, the black-haired girl laughs again, throwing her head back, and everything changes. I take notice of how my friend’s gaze softens around the edges, even if it’s only a little bit.

It’s not a look I get to see very often.

Nobody gets under her skin quite like Alice Chartrand does.

“Oh!” I gasp. “Is this about Ali?”

“Shh!” Kayla averts her gaze. “God, why are we talking about her all of a sudden?”

“Because you were…” I trail off quickly, taking it as a sign to back off. “It was really just a question.”

Totally suspicious behavior, but okay.

“I know that!” Kayla follows up. “And I will, okay? I will tell you about my little problem as soon as I have it all figured out. Just… Not now. I really can’t.”

“Okay, I won’t press.” I fix a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and go back to a safer topic of conversation. “What do you think I should do about Beckett? I can’t afford to be delusional, right? He won’t ever look at me like that.”

Kayla’s shoulders relax, dropping back to their normal height. Finally, she concedes, “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

“I know I am.” I take another bite, the crunchy apple melting on my tongue. “What else is new?”

“Well, I know for certain somebody else does.” She motions towards the other side of the room with a cute head tilt. “Caleb Monteiro hasn’t kept his eyes off you since we walked in.”

My eyes follow, going from head to head until I find Caleb sitting next to his friends, shooting glances at me.

“He is newly single.”

“Hold on. Caleb? As in Caleb Monteiro, the guy who sits at the back of the class?” I fix my hair again, suddenly really nervous. “Caleb and Maria are, like, the perfect couple.”

“Not anymore, they aren’t!” Kayla claps her hands together. “I’ve been waiting for hours to tell you this!”

“Tell me what? That he likes me? Bitch, please. They’re probably getting back together before the year ends,” I breathe out. “Why would I want to mess with that?”

“Because he’s going to ask you out.”

“What?”

“I heard him and the new guy. What’s his name again?”

“Gabriel. Wait, no. That’s his first name. He goes by Mateo, actually. Mateo Pereira, I think.”

It’s hard to remember his name. Transfers are unusual in Sainte Madeleine, at least for kids going through their final high school year. The transfer is costly, and our program is intense, which makes it tough for students to keep up with unless they’re used to how things work.

“Yes, him! They were chitchatting behind the science building. Mateo asked him if the thing with Maria was over for real, and Caleb said he had his eyes set on someone else,” she giggles excitedly. “He’s so going to ask you out. I’m sure of it!”

And when I look back, Caleb Monteiro hasn’t stopped staring at me just yet. Something dreadful rises in my throat.

Bile.

Nerves.

Anticipation.

I’ve never had a guy ask me out on a real date before. They text me, we hide behind the trees after school to kiss, and we sneak into empty classrooms when the teachers aren’t looking, but boys never officially ask me out.

Caleb smirks from afar like he knows just how much I want to be the kind of girl that gets taken on dates. He even winks my way, for sure the biggest sign indicating just how easily he can read my mind and hear my thoughts.

“This is so dangerous,” I recognize the feeling with a soft head shake. It feels like a shot of adrenaline in my veins, but the wrong kind. His staring makes me self-conscious. “I’m not wrong for thinking so, right?”

“Oh, please. Come on, Cassie!” Kayla gives me a mischievous grin. “You know how it is!”

“Yeah.” I shake my head, fighting back the urge to smile. “I think I do.”

All the best things are.