Page 72 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

“Come on, I bet you don’t want to go back out there looking like this.” I smile without showing teeth, hoping I sound somewhat kind.

Angelina gasps at her reflection. “I look horrible!”

“Would you like me to fix it for you?”

She inhales sharply, stuttering over her words. “Y-Yes, please.”

For a while, I don’t say anything else.

I simply grab some tissues, hold her chin towards the light, and carefully tap over her cheekbones in a gentle way, drying away all the tears and all the snot.

The pill keeps working in my system, building something in my guts that I can’t quite explain. I jump from one thought to the next, trying to keep control over myself and my hand dexterity.

But then I remember something, and it’s a good… a good story. A really good one, and I’m too high to care, so naturally I start speaking before I can stop myself.

“I talked to her this one time.” The words float between us, suspended in time. It’s immediately obvious who I’m talking about.

“You did?” Angelina exhales shakily, her almond eyes widening. “When was that?”

“A long time ago. We were much younger,” I recall. “She still wore her bangs parted sideways.”

“Fourteen, then.” Her thin lips stretch into a dreamy smile. “That’s when we got them done.”

The memory is almost nonsensical, and I try to piece it together as I tell Angelina what happened. But it’s true what she just said about Lucia being fourteen. Her hair hadn’t fully grown out of the bad haircut yet.

“She found me in the bathroom after class. I think I was trying to figure out how to apply mascara without looking like I had two spiders stuck to my eyeballs.” I smile without showing teeth, brushing a tear-streak from under her eye with the sides of my thumb.

“Lucia gave me a full tutorial on how to do it.”

I felt so grateful then.

Lucia was so naturally gorgeous.

Her hair was light and thick, and curly at the edges.

She had eyes as deep as the waters of Point Mort, and she was tall, her figure athletic, almost Barbie-like.

But most importantly, Lucia knew exactly how to dress, how to walk, and when to pause and listen as she spoke to someone.

She made others feel special, truly special, nothing like the fake kind of shit.

“That’s Lucia right there.” Angelina swallows hard. “Always helping everybody else but herself.”

“She was nice sometimes,” I concede, knowing Lucia could also be terrifying other times. The kind of girl to leave a trail of broken hearts wherever she went.

“I didn’t know that you two talked.” She shakes her head. “But I guess I never paid much attention to you before. No offense.”

“None taken, and we didn’t. Not often, at least,” I admit, sadly. I take my mascara and open it. “Look up, please.”

I continue to work, applying the product over her long lashes. Her eyes water again, and my hand shakes, the vulnerability of the moment making us both emotional.

“I’m sorry,” Angelina whispers. “I can’t stop crying.”

“It’s fine.”

Her bottom lip trembles. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”

“Well.” I give her a shy kind of smile. “I’m sorry for hitting you back.”

Kayla is right. If Alice is being mean to Angelina, it’s because she thinks it’s funny to poke at someone already beaten down. Angelina is at her most vulnerable time. She’s an easy target.

“I love to hear other people talking about her,” she admits, biting her lower lip. “Every memory feels more important now that she’s gone.”

I nod, understanding what she means. “I get that.”

If I’d lost someone the way she did, so suddenly, I’d feel the same way.

“Really?” she asks, her eyes going round.

“Of course, Angelina.”

I put the mascara back in my purse. She shifts awkwardly, crossing her legs together.

“So… Caleb?” Angelina asks, making small talk.

Nausea hits me. It hits me hard.

“Let’s not.” I snort through my nose, pushing down the urge to throw up. “I’m barely holding it together.”

“He did a number on you, didn’t he?”

I don’t answer, but I pause, hands lingering near her face when another tear runs down.

“We had sex tonight.”

My thumb presses against her cheek. I don’t know why I say it, but I can’t take it back once I do. I wait for her reaction, trying not to show how the pill is starting to make me feel sick. It takes a second, but she eventually says something.

Her voice sounds dark.

“You and Caleb?”

I nod weakly. “Yeah.”

“Did he…” She wets her lips. “Did he talk you into doing it?”

My hands starts shaking.I drop them, letting them fall over my lap.Angelina’s eyes turn to the bed, how it’s unmade, and she gasps.

“Huh. He hasn’t changed a single bit.” She shakes her head, her gaze so far away. “Did you know Caleb was my first?”

“What?” I squeeze the words out, sounding more alarmed than I was going for.

“Summer after our first year at Sainte Madeleine,” her voice heavy with regret. “He didn’t force me to do it, but looking back it was too soon. I swear, I would’ve killed myself without Lucia by my side.”

“Did he…”

Her head snaps back to me, her answer a little too quick. “No. But I’ve talked to other girls at school, and he did the same thing to them.”

“Oh.” I pause, connecting the dots. “That’s why you got so upset when I asked you what he did to Lucia.”

Because Caleb didn’t hurt Lucia.

He hurt Angelina first and foremost.

I got the entire story backwards.

Silly, silly me.

“I was in love, so I felt foolish. Especially when he went back to her, I mean,” she smiles sadly, avoiding my gaze. “With the kind of brain I have, I get really attached. If I like someone, I’m very obsessive about it.”

“Right.”

I nod because it’s something I can easily relate to. All the push and pull with Caleb made me obsessed, too!

“When you asked me your question, I just knew I couldn’t handle rehashing everything all over again. It hurt so fucking bad, so I was rude to you, but I really didn’t mean to be.”

“That’s…”

Exactly what’s happening to me.

“Were you in love too?” She asks softly, her voice curious.

“I don’t know,” I exhale, whispering to her like it’s a secret. “I don’t think so.”

She smiles knowingly this time. “Is there someone else?”

“Maybe,” I admit, thinking of Beckett. “It’s complicated.”

“Okay, I get that.” She nods quickly, dropping the case. “Why did you sleep with Caleb, then? If you liked someone else?”

I shrug. “I just felt like I had to.”

“Like you had to,” Angelina echoes, her eyebrows shooting up. “It’s horrible, isn’t it? When you know he won’t stay, no matter what you do.”

Her hand goes to my hair, gently brushing it back.

I dry my tears, forcing myself to stop crying.

Just stop crying.

“Cassandra, I know we’re not really friends or anything, but can I say something?”

“Shoot.”

Angelina sighs. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“Girls like you don’t mess around with guys like Caleb.”

“Girls like me?”

She hears the unspoken question. “Good girls. Girls with good friends who study hard and go to college.”

I smile sadly and say, “I don’t think I’m that girl anymore.”

“Maybe not, but you really shouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, but it’s mostly to myself. I blink hard, fighting off the tears. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

I want to call my mom.

The words are right there, at the tip of my tongue. But I know she won’t pick up. She’s too busy taking care of Grandma.

“Why don’t you like me?” I ask.

Angelina is taller than I am, and it shows as we face each other. I find it impressive. She is impressive.

“To be honest, you remind me of myself,” she admits, looking pained. “Back when Lucia was alive.”

“Really?” I frown. “We’re so different, though, you and I. Besides Caleb, I mean.”

“We’re more alike than you think.” Angelina cuts me off, shaking her head. “Lucia told me so many times to stay away from him, but I wouldn’t listen to any of it. So, when you said all those things to me back then, I knew I couldn’t stop you.”

“I was just so excited about him,” I whimper, and my vision darkens as I speak. “It was nothing personal, Angie. I swear.”

“No, I know.” She shakes her head. “I know exactly how you feel right now because I’ve been in your shoes. I understand, really. You don’t have to explain yourself to me, of all people.”

I go quiet, dread climbing up my spine.

“I mean, I’m just sorry I couldn’t tell you the whole truth. It’s just too personal, you see. Even if I’m over him now, it still hurts really bad when I think about it.”

My stomach churns, and I bend forward, feeling my toes curl with the effort I’m putting in not to throw up on her.

“Oh my God, wait! Hold on a second!”

It takes her a little while to process what’s happening, but once she does, everything happens very fast. Angelina moves on instinct, grabbing Caleb’s little trash can and forcing my head inside it. As soon as I open my mouth, I start throwing up.

“Oh, shit!” Angelina holds my hair up, and I press my hands against the carpet, going on all fours. “Cassie!”

“What?” I groan.

“Please, please, please don’t get my shoes!”

“I’m not!”

A disgusted sound comes out of her.

“Trust me, it’s way worse to keep it in.” Angelina pats my back in soothing motions, coaxing me to keep throwing up.

Her phone buzzes.

“Oh, great. Beckett’s here.”

I blink, bile rising up to my throat again. “What did you just say?”

“He’s our ride home.” Angelina lets my hair go and drops the trash can on the floor.

“Beckett Evans?” I ask dumbly.

The car honks twice after that. Angelina at least has the decency to smile at me sheepishly. She’s such a bitch.

“Who else?” My shoulders drop, but she only nudges me towards the door. “Come on, Cassie. Let’s find a way to brush your teeth and get out of here.”