Page 15 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

LIVING IN A MAKE-BELIEVE LAND

Cassandra

Nathaniel heads out to pick up our father at the airport, but I stay behind. My homework’s been piling up for days, and Sainte Madeleine has the kind of teachers that actually check what you’re doing from time to time.

Kayla calls me on FaceTime to talk about our literature project, and I smile as her pretty face lights up the screen.

“Hi.”

“Are you using the pink lipgloss I gave you?” she asks.

“Yeah,” I nod. “It smells exactly like cherries!”

“I told you so!”

She is supposed to be showing me her picks for our upcoming presentation.

Right now, we’re studying something about romanticism in art forms other than writing.

However, our conversations are never just one thing.

They always quickly spiral into total chaos, especially now, as we try to figure out which ones we should choose.

“Do you think we should pick an angle?” Kayla wonders. “I think he’d like something provocative.”

“I mean, he does have a bit of a flamboyant personality,” I muse right back, tilting my head to the side as I chip off some of my nail polish. “I saw him wearing a scarf that looks exactly like my mother’s.”

“Just say the man is gay, Cassandra,” she snorts before showing another painting, scrolling through each option by swiping through her iPad screen. “What do you think about this one? I think it’s enough to impress Mr. Bernard.”

The screen blurs for a second before sharpening again.

It’s a screenshot of The Nightmare by Henry Fuseli.

A woman is sprawled on some kind of bed while a shadowy figure looms over her chest. The shadow in question takes the shape of a little creature perched on her stomach, definitely demon-looking. Something about it feels relatable.

“Oh, I really like this one!” I grin, tossing my feet up in the air. “Look, there’s a little demon sitting on her!”

“Yes, that’s an incubus.” Her face appears in the camera again, big brown eyes blinking at me through the screen. “Isn’t he so adorable?”

“No!” I laugh. “He is disturbing!”

“Oh my god! Mr. Bernard is right!” she starts laughing too, pressing her hand to her cheek and gasping in mock offense. I watch her as she lowers her voice, trying to imitate Mr. Bernard’s baritone tone. “Art is subjective!”

Working with Kayla is always easy. We know each other too well to argue, and I trust her to pick up the slacks when I don’t understand something. She truly is my greatest partner in crime, the reason why I’m even surviving this last year of high school. I don’t know where I’d be without her.

“Okay, the incubus piece definitely stays.” I write the title down on a scrap of paper before pressing my lips against the edge of the pen. “What else do you have?”

“Can we use the one with the Italian people kissing? It’s so romantic!” Kayla squeals in an adorable way. “Oh, Cassie—speaking of romance, I have to tell you about what I overheard while I was waiting for Olivia to pick me up the other day at dance.”

“What is it?”

“Tobias has a new girlfriend. I think she goes to Sainte Madeleine.”

“No way! That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, love really is in the air,” Kayla grins. “Are you going to text Caleb?”

“Me?” I frown. “No… I don’t think so!”

“Really?”

“Yeah, no.” I shake my head. “I don’t even like him like that.”

Caleb is a pretty boy, but he’s clearly not my type. When I try to picture someone I’d like to go on dates with, they don’t have brown hair and dark eyes like he does. My perfect idea of a boyfriend looks nothing like him.

“You’re more into someone like… Beckett Evans, right?” Kayla rolls her eyes at me, pretending not to be endeared. She rises and spins around, waltzing in her room. “Cassandra Rivera only likes the good boys.”

“Shut up, Kayla! I scoff loudly, feeling my cheeks heat up.“I do not!”

***

We get most of the work done by the time the sun comes down.

I decide to spend the rest of my time trying on some clothes I never get to wear and listen to 5 Seconds of Summer .

They’re one of my favorite bands these days.

I even like them better than One Direction, though Midnight Memories still absolutely rules.

“You look so perfect standing there!” I grab Coco and give him one of my pearl necklaces. “In my American Apparel underwear! And I know now…”

Knock.

Someone knocks on my door, but I don’t bother to open.I’m too busy singing and having fun.

“That I’m so down!”

Knock. Knock.

“I made a mixtape straight out of ’94! I got your ripped skinny jeans lying on the—”

The door flies right open.Nathaniel barges in aggressively, and I’m so startled that I end up dropping my favorite pink sparkly dress to the floor.

The first thing I notice is the amount of gel that’s keeping his blond strands brushed back is absurd. My brother looks sweaty and disgusting.

I don’t want him here, touching my things with his dirty fingers. My room is my only safe space in this house. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near it. Not after he tried to ruin it for me to begin with.

“You see this?” He holds an orange Tupperware with raw chicken in it close to my face.

“Yes?” I mouth smartly before picking up the dress and throwing it on my bed. “What’s the problem?”

“It’s uncooked.” He shoves it in my face again, acting like I’m too stupid to notice the obvious.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know I was supposed to do it.” I pull my hair back before reaching out to grab the Tupperware, ready to head back to the kitchen. “Do you want me to fry it or something?”

Nathaniel presses his hand against my shoulder to push me away from him. “You really don’t know how to do anything, do you?”

“What the fuck?” I stumble back, wide-eyed and confused, not understanding what else he wants me to do. “Nathaniel!”

My brother turns his back on me and storms out of the room, punching random doors as he trails down the hallway. I don’t say anything else. I don’t want to risk getting in trouble, and arguing only makes things worse.

“I told you to fry the chicken before we got home, Cassandra! Not after!”

I bite my lower lip, feeling a lump forming in my throat, and start tracing after him. As I’m walking to the kitchen, I try to remember if that’s really the case.

Did he tell me or not?

Did I just forget?

Nothing comes to mind, which can only mean one thing: Nathaniel probably didn’t. I try to help around the house, especially now that Mom is not around to do it. I really truly do.

“I can do it now, but I really think you forgot to tell me.”

“No, I didn’t!”

He did.I’m almost certain of it, but doubt in now creeping in anyway. It always does. The thing is, I would have done it for sure if he’d asked me to. So maybe, he really didn’t.

I try to swallow again and fail at it, now watching him move from one part of the kitchen to the next, slamming things, messing with the chairs, dropping his keys on the counter, and leaving the Tupperware next to it.

I’ve never seen him look so annoyed before, especially not about house chores.

Nathaniel usually doesn’t care about cleaning or cooking.

My stomach twists, knowing nothing good will come from this.

“Maybe I forgot.”

“You think?” my brother asks, eyeing me again with some sort of disdain. “Is the pasta done?”

“I didn’t know we were eating pasta,” I answer quietly, my voice coming out so small. I start to move my arms around my body to hug myself in a protective way, trying to shield myself from him in the best way I can. “I thought maybe you’d want a salad instead.”

Nathaniel exhales sharply, placing his hand over his hips and looking at me like I’m a good-for-nothing, completely hopeless.And the look in his eyes… God, it makes me want to disappear, vanish off the face of the earth. His disappointment is too much for me to bear.

I don’t know why I care so much about what my brother thinks of me, but every single time I see his disapproval, it kills me deep inside just a little bit.It’s even worse than Dad rejecting me. I just want to please him. I need to .

It’s like, what is wrong with me now that wasn’t wrong before?

A stupid, silly thought to have but it comes to mind, anyway.

He used to really like me, right? There had to be a point in time when we got along better than this, but while I…

I don’t want to go back to whatever we had before because I certainly don’t want to remember that night, I still wish I could stop making mistakes.

Maybe then, he wouldn’t feel the need to hurt me.

“Look, I’m sorry. I got really distracted today; there’s just so much to do at school.”

Seeing him hate me this much is making me start to doubt how I’m recalling things. Did I really forget to cook the chicken? Maybe I did. Even so, I definitely didn’t do it on purpose.

“You really want me to believe you were doing homework?”he scoffs, opening the fridge to check what’s inside of it and slamming it shut right after.

My phone buzzes, a new message coming in. I grab it quickly, trying to hide it in my pocket, but he sees it anyway.Nathaniel points a finger at it, his eyes crazed.

“Who is that?”

I think fast.

Too fast.

“Kayla. Who else?”

“You think I’m stupid, or something?”

“No, I don’t,” I soften my voice. “Please, just calm down.”

“Calm down?” Nathaniel sneers, stepping towards me. “Is it a boy?”

“No!” I shake my head desperately. “I’m not talking to anyone.”

“You were supposed to do this. Dad’s here, there’s no food for him, and now I’m getting pissed.” His steps are fast and nervous, downright explosive. I immediately try to make myself small, shrinking my body, pressing it against the wall. “Are you happy now?”

“I said I’m—”