Page 54 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

A MISSED OPPORTUNITY

Cassandra

I find Nathaniel in the parking lot, talking to Kayla. They’re arguing about something and she’s throwing her hands up in the air, but her entire face softens with relief as she sees me walking towards her.

“Oh, there you are. Your asshole of a brother was looking everywhere for—”

“Is this some kind of joke?”

Beckett’s voice explodes behind me, louder than I’ve ever heard him speak to anyone before. I wince, spinning around, trying to hold him back. Of course, he followed me. Of course, he couldn’t let it go. Let me handle it. Why would he?

He throws the sketches in Nathaniel’s face, unflinching, gauging for his reaction. My brother barely glances at the drawings before sighing.

My heart drops. Something terrible must be showing in my expression, because Nathaniel grins after a beat, entertained now, and the look on his face makes me want to gag.He tilts his head to the side, eyes flickering back to me.

“What? You think Cassandra won’t like it or something?” Beckett takes a step forward, right as Nathaniel deadpans. “I thought the drawings were quite fitting for a girl.”

“Nathaniel!” I gasp, dread creeping up my spine. “Are you kidding me?”

“This guy is demented!” Beckett’s eyes burn into mine, pleading with me to let him go. His hands close around my wrists, trying to pry me off him. “How did you get her drawings? Who gave them to you?”

Nathaniel smirks lazily, grabbing my arm. It’s the wrong move to make, because Beckett immediately pushes him, forcing him to stumble back. His voice cuts through the thick air, sharp like a blade.

“Don’t touch her!”

My brother chuckles in response, drunk and out of his mind.

Of course, he thinks this is funny. He doesn’t take this seriously at all.

But Beckett does. I do.If Nathaniel thinks we’re all finding this funny, he’s in for a rude awakening.

Beckett clearly doesn’t like him. Not his arrogance or his games.

How he made me walk under a storm one time instead of just driving me to school.

What did he call him back then? A useless fucker.

Lucia isn’t a joke. She isn’t some prank material. And Nathaniel is way older than I am—he should know better than to stir shit up like this.

“Come on, man. You’re too uptight,” my brother’s voice drags, echoing loudly through the parking lot. “It’s just a drawing. Why don’t you relax? Go back to the party. Grab a beer for me, will you?”

My stomach twists as I start to get more nervous. I need to find a way to de-escalate this fast before it spirals even further.

“Just a…” Beckett’s gaze drops to me. His voice sounds so full of pain. “Why is he doing this?”

Because he can.

I stare at Beckett, feeling helpless. “I…”

“Are you going to let him?” his voice wavers, betrayal creeping in. “Really, Cassandra?”

“I’m so—” I start to apologize, because really, I do feel bad for him.

But I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for.

I don’t know why Nathaniel decided to pull this move on him, on us.

My brother likes to find ways to get under people’s skin.

It’s what he does best.I turn to him, my voice almost cracking. “What is wrong with you?”

“Oh, I see how it is.” Nathaniel takes a step forward, then another. His expression twists in mockery. “You’re trying to turn my sister against me, aren’t you?”

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” Beckett refuses to back down, standing his ground.

They’re facing off now, words they won’t be able to take back looming between them.

“You’re the one messing with my sister, with my job. I should have your face on the ground for this, man. But I care about her.” He is talking about me . “I respect her too damn much to stoop down to your level.”

Nathaniel smirks, trying to bait him. “Oh, yeah? Is that how you really feel?”

Kayla reaches out for me, right as I try to grab Beckett’s arm, pulling me back.

“What is it, Evans? You want to beat me up?”

Beckett’s hands are now clenched into fists, his eyes darkening as he speaks, “I’m going to if you don’t start explaining yourself!”

“Go ahead, Evans. Hit me.” Nathaniel touches his own chin, tilting his head, acting nonchalantly. “You’ve been provoking me all night. I can’t wait to see what happens next.”

Beckett grits his teeth, trembling with fury. “Stay away from my sister, you fucking piece of shit!”

Nathaniel answers without missing a beat.

“I thought your sister was dead, man,” his voice is emotionless, uncaring, as he utters each word. “I’m as far from her as one can be.”

Everything happens at once.

Beckett lunges forward.

I step forward to stop him.

Kayla reaches out to me again, but I’m faster. And Nathaniel…

Nathaniel yanks me towards him, trying to use me as a shield.

A fist flies. It’s towards my brother.

A body hits the ground. It’s mine.

“Cassie!”

My friend’s scream rings in my ears, but all I can see is Beckett’s face right before I fall. My right side slams against the cement, pain ripping through me. Nathaniel is on top of me, but not for long. My neighbor grabs him by the collar, hauling him back up to get him away from me.

Kayla hooks her arms around my waist, trying to get me away from them.

“Are you okay?” She steadies me as I pull down my dress. When I try to step forward, pain shoots through my leg. “Oh my god, your foot!”

I blink through the tears, looking down. My heel is broken.

“He broke my shoe!” I moan, stunned.

Somewhere around me, Beckett says, “Cass, I’m so—”

“Look what you did!” Nathaniel’s voice cuts through everything hysterically. “You hurt my sister!”

“Nathaniel, let it go!” my voice shakes as I grip Kayla’s arm. “You pulled me! You made me fall!”

“Me?” he scoffs, shoving Beckett. “You’re just like your piece-of-shit father, Evans. Walking around, acting all mighty, like you own the place. We don’t owe you anything!”

Nathaniel’s eyes flicker back to me. His meaning is clear.

You see?

This is what I can do to anyone who gets too close to you.

“Don’t look at her!” Beckett’s chest rises and falls rapidly, but his voice cracks with something raw. “I… I can’t wait to see what Principal Rivera thinks of this!” Kayla tugs me into a hug, crushing me to her chest as he adds, “What the fuck did I ever do to you?”

“You’ve lost your mind, Beckett,” Nathaniel sneers at my neighbor, but his eyes are still on me.

Watching me cry. Watching me hurt. My brother wanted me to have that jewelry box as a birthday present. He wanted me to wake up every single day and open it, grab my bracelets and put them on, not knowing who drew all the details that made it what it is.

“Lucia gave me those drawings,” he sounds disturbingly casual, and I can’t tell whether he’s lying or not. “I saved her dog from getting hit by a car once, and she gave them to me.”

Beckett shakes his head. “I don’t believe you.”

I whisper to Kayla, my voice barely there, “Make them stop.”

She shushes me, keeping me back. I can’t stop sobbing.

“Please, Kayla. Make them stop.”

Beckett moves again, grabbing Nathaniel’s jaw and shoving his hand back. “If I find out you broke into my home and went through my sister’s things, I will ruin you. I will call the cops. I’ll make your life a living hell, you drunk piece of shit. If you even say her name again—”

Nathaniel fights back, but Beckett is stronger and taller.

“Man, do you even hear yourself? You’re fucking crazy!”

“Stay away from me and mine, or I’ll fucking end you.” Beckett presses his other hand around my brother’s throat, showing him exactly what he can do. “I’ll kill you.”

Nathaniel spits blood at his face, still laughing at him, “And I’m still getting what I commissioned!”

Beckett lets him go, stepping back and shrinking with disgust. “Over my dead body!”

My brother stumbles, then he smirks. It’s one final, cruel taunt.

“Be normal, Beckett. Just be fucking normal for once and stop acting like a retard.”

Beckett turns towards Kayla, but his eyes immediately fall on me, and he flinches. I see guilt. Disappointment. I am on his side, but I can’t defend him like I want to.

“Don’t,” I ask, begging him not to hate me. “Beckett, please.”

I am not like my brother.

Nathaniel doesn’t care, but I do.

“This is all your fault.” Nathaniel blocks Beckett from our vision, and hands me the car keys. “You’re such a stupid fucking bitch, Cassandra.”

“Hey!” Kayla shouts, her confusion morphing into anger. “Don’t talk to her like that!”

He ignores her. “We’re going home. I’m just going back inside to warn Dad.”

And that’s when I picture, very clearly in my head, how tonight is going to end. Because now, well. Now Nathaniel is mad at the one person he likes to blame for everything wrong in his life.

Me .

A flip happens deep inside, and I feel my chest squeeze so tight with fear.

My every single thoughts become about how to make him less angry.

I need to prove that I’m not against him.

Really, I’m his sister. Our bond is more important.

It has to be. He won’t hurt me just because of this.

It’s all clearly such a huge stupid misunderstanding.

“Nathaniel!” I call after him, wanting to apologize, explain, say something.

Anything that will make this better. I need him to forgive me, to see that I’m not against him. I’m on his side. I just need him to stop making things harder for the both of us. Why couldn’t Beckett just…

I spin towards, watching as confusion clouds his gaze and realization dawns on him that I might not be angry at my brother after all.

My lips part, all the wrong words coming out.

Nathaniel’s voice grows louder in my head, his words forcing me to believe something that I know isn’t fair or true, but I’m suddenly confused because nothing is making sense anymore.

All I know is this fear building up inside of me, telling me I can never choose Beckett over my brother again.

Forget about the boy from the playground, Cassandra.

You don’t like him.

You’re so stupid and desperate.

He’ll go to Elementary next year and he won’t ever think about you again.

He won’t remember you.

I’m all you have.

He only wants to fuck you.

Jesus, look at you watching him play again.

Aren’t you tired of being this needy?

“Why did you have to do this? Couldn’t you just let me deal with this?”

“He had my sister’s—”

“So what?” I choke on my own words, disbelief burning in my veins.

He blinks hard, as if stricken. “So what?”

But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me.

I said it.

Yeah, I said it.

So what?

So fucking what?

Lucia is dead, but I am alive. I’m the one who has to go home with Nathaniel—who has to deal with the actual repercussions of all this. And every bit of humiliation my brother suffers always comes right back to me. Tonight was a breakthrough for Beckett. But for me? It’s going to be a beating.

Beckett stares at me, like he can’t believe what he just heard. The breeze feels so cold, wrapping all around me.

“Really?” his voice is hoarse. Broken. “Really, Cassandra?”

His disbelief guts me, but the words are already out there. I’m making it worse, turning them uglier.

“Do you even realize what you’ve just done?”

It spills out of me, compulsive and wrong. Stop. Stop. Stop. What the fuck is wrong with—

“That’s my brother!”

My brother.The man who is going to kill me for what happened tonight.I’m so utterly terrified of him that I’ll do anything just to—

Stop.

Make him stop.

Make me stop.

I’m panicking. I’m just panicking, but Beckett doesn’t know that. He doesn’t know anything. It’s precisely why a voice whispers in my head: You’re not being fair to him .

The confusion starts to fade. I can see it clearly, how my words hit him like a bullet, piercing through his chest. I’m wrong.

I’m saying the wrong things. I want out.

I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t want to see how the affection, the signs of protectiveness he just showed are draining from his face.

Every good moment between us, however small, was honest.

And yet, our fragile trust vanishes before my eyes.

Gone.

No one will ever want you back because you’re disgusting.

Look at you, look at what I can do to you.

You’re disgusting.

“Beckett, please, can we just drop it for now?” Kayla’s voice slices through the chaos. She presses me closer, trying to shield me from him. “She’s not okay, and you two are making a mess of things and embarrassing her for no reason.”

He shakes his head, blond hair falling in messy waves around his face. I watch his jaw clench, his throat bob, like he’s swallowing hard. And then—

One step back.

Then, another.

Don’t go.

“Wait, no. I didn’t mean it like that.” I open my mouth, wanting to call out his name. “I have to… Please, I have to talk to him.”

Don’t go.

Stay.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” I turn to Kayla, feeling so sad. “I just wanted to help.”

“I know.” Kayla shakes her head, trying to sound nice about it. She just wants to protect me; I know that. “I know, Cassie. But let him go for now. You can always talk to him later, right?”

Understanding rushes in too late. His question before…

About lying to him.

It wasn’t just a question; it was important.

Lucia is not just anybody; she’s his family, for fuck’s sake.

Beckett won’t talk to me either or try to understand my side of things.

And I can’t explain everything anyway, not without revealing at least part of the truth about Nathaniel.

He won’t come back to me, not even if I beg him to.

And Beckett is already gone before I can ask him to hear me out, anyway.