Page 65 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

IF HE DOESN'T SERVE YOU

Cassandra

I am so close to turning into a seventeen-year-old girl, and nothing about this feels special at all because Caleb Monteiro is in every single one of my thoughts.

We’ve been fighting a lot more than we used to.

He doesn’t like to be rejected, and I’ve refused to go all the way so far.

It’s not that I’m trying to be difficult, but I’m really scared it’ll hurt to have something inside of me.

Sex in real life looks nothing like the movies, and porn is not as educational as I expected it to be.

It doesn’t feel good when he tries to touch me.

I don’t know what to do to make things better.

Everything Caleb does and says makes my mood shift, and half of me is certain he’s been acting aloof on purpose lately just to make me fold. I’m trying to be cool about it, but sometimes he really knows exactly how to piss me off.

“You were supposed to pick me up two hours ago.” I press an angry kiss into his mouth. “What’s the point of asking for a favor if you’re not going to show up?”

“You think the world revolves around you, Cassandra.” He rolls his eyes at me and turns the engine on. “Don’t try and piss me off. I’ve been tolerating a lot of your bullshit already.”

I flinch. “Caleb, you promised!”

“I had something to do!”

“You could’ve picked up my calls. I would’ve asked my brother to drop me off instead,” I point out, already feeling sick of this. “Kayla is waiting for me.”

“Then go ahead and be my guest.” Caleb unlocks the door and gestures towards my parents’ house. “Go ask that fucking creepy brother of yours. I don’t care.”

A few nights ago, Nathaniel overheard Caleb and me having a conversation on the phone.

We were talking about meeting up to grab tickets for Horror Night at the local movie theater.

Finding out about Caleb led us to fighting, and I didn’t realize I’d forgotten to end the call until it was already too late.

That night, my brother made me cry really hard, and if Caleb hadn’t been so nice about it, I would’ve been honestly mortified.

“Okay, no.” I roll my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m being a bitch.”

“Yeah, you really are.”

He starts driving, and I blink fast.

Something feels wrong.

“We’re still on for next Saturday?” Caleb rolls down the windows and locks the door again.

I press my hand against the leather seat and try not to think about what we’re about to do together.

“You’re not bailing on me again, are you?”

“No.” I shake my head. “Not this time.”

And it should be a good thing that I’m finally saying yes, but Caleb still doesn’t look happy about it as he mumbles under his breath.

“Finally.”

***

“We’re still spending New Year’s Eve together this year, right?” I ask, trying to squash down my nerves.

Kayla is sitting on the floor, blindly reapplying castor oil to her scalp to make sure that every single braid looks perfectly shiny and in place.

My best friend totally is the kind of girl who is willing to spend a full day doing her hair if she has to, and I get her because I feel the same about mine when I have to go all out. It’s one of the reasons why we get along so well.

Her family is packing up to travel to Paris for Christmas, and I was supposed to be helping her, but we somehow got distracted along the way.

“Duh, of course.” She rolls her eyes like it’s obvious, tossing her hair back and checking herself in the mirror. “I’m truly a beautiful human being, aren’t I?”

“Conceited much?” I say jokingly as I roll onto my stomach, flipping the fashion magazine and circling the items I want to buy someday.

“So fucking conceited.” She grins, spinning around before stopping by the bed, standing right in front of me. “I have gossip to tell you.”

I sit up, patting the mattress for her to join me. “I’m listening.”

“I think Angelina Cardoso and Mateo Pereira might be seeing each other.” Kayla flashes a row of small white teeth. “I mean, did you see them the other day? The way they acted during the fight?”

I close the magazine, setting it aside. “I thought about it, but I didn’t want to be the one to point it out.”

“He took her to your dad’s office and everything. They were talking. Well, I mean, he was talking.” She tilts her head, considering her next words carefully, wanting me to get a full picture. “I was very discreet, but she definitely caught me staring.”

I gasp, “Kayla!”

Angelina is a smart girl. What she said to me back at the library tells me so. I don’t want Kayla to be on her I-hate-you list.

“I know.” She hides her face behind her hands, looking embarrassed. “But I’m loud, Cassie. Phoebe Buffay with black puffy hair. You know that.”

“Not an excuse.” I poke her arm, and she rolls over dramatically. “Let’s just pray she forgets all about it quickly. We don’t want her going all I’m-going-to-skin-you-alive on you.”

Kayla groans, “I checked my schedule for next semester. We have math together every Monday at seven thirty.”

I shake my head, looking at the bright side of things.

“At least you won’t have to wonder if she’s mad at you. She’ll call you out for being nosy first thing in the morning.”

Kayla looks perfectly horrified.

“Don’t say that!” She shakes her head, her expression dimming. “She looked so miserable, Cassie. But I guess that’s besides the point.”

How is any of this besides the point?

I frown. “Was she okay? Did my dad say something?”

Kayla shakes her head, deep in thought. “I don’t know, I didn’t follow them in his office. Only Mateo did. And he looked mad as hell, I can tell you that.”

“Oh.”

“But I mean, you saw it yourself. Besides the fact that she nearly gave Alice a bald spot, Angelina didn’t seem fine at all.”

“That’s to be expected,” I concede, considering Angelina’s side of things. “She stayed at the hospital for a long time and for a reason.”

Kayla takes a sharp breath before she explains her point, “But it’s like the stay at the hospital never happened, don’t you think? I mean, she freaked out over nothing.”

“It wasn’t,” I disagree, wetting my lips. “You said it yourself. Alice has been targeting her.”

“I mean, yes, but that’s what Alice always does,” she exhales, frustrated. “She’s a bully who goes after weaker people just to feel better about herself. I swear, it’s like she has a weakness detector or something.”

My phone buzzes. I reach towards the bedside table to grab it before unlocking the screen, but immediately regret doing it when Caleb’s face pops at the top.

Caleb sends picture [mirror selfie, shirtless]

I’m sorry baby

Need to see U again soon

“Is that a picture of Caleb Monteiro completely shirtless?” Kayla asks, making a face of disgust.

“Yeah.”

“Ew!”

I text him back, not bothering to flirt. He starts to type, the text bubble appearing and disappearing for a very long time.

I should break up with him. This thing between us clearly isn’t working. I’m such a fucking idiot.

“What’s wrong?” Kayla is biting her nails guiltily. I pull her hand away from her mouth, speaking softly. “I thought you wanted me to go out with him.”

She swallows hard. “I don’t know, Cassie.”

Something in her expression tightens. She looks almost guilty, her foxy dark eyes shining apprehensively.

“I don’t really think it’s a good idea anymore. You should definitely break things off.”

My stomach churns.

“Why?”

“I…” she trails off. “Listen, I don’t want you to hate me.”

“I could never,” I promise, linking my pinky finger with hers. “You’re my closest friend in the world, Kayla. A boy could never change that, I swear.”

Kayla swallows hard.

“You know how Zach and I are basically very close friends now. We sat together at lunch every single day while you were at the library.”

I was really late on all my assignments, and with the Christmas holidays right around the corner, the only solution left was to actually work.

“He told me, very vaguely, that Maria and Caleb are definitely trying to get back together.”

I bite my tongue, wincing with the pain.

“Like officially back together,” she adds, to clear out any confusion.

“Can I be honest?” I ask, lowering my voice to a whisper.

Kayla shakes her head, leaning closer. She tightens her grip around my finger. “Of course, Cassie. Always.”

I stare at her for a second, shame coiling in my stomach.

“I sort of had a feeling already,” I admit, and my cheeks are blushing. “I’ve been meaning to break up with him for the longest time now.”

Her gaze softens, looking at me like I’m the best person she knows. Without missing a beat, Kayla replies. “Can I say something else?”

“You knew that I knew,” I sigh with relief.

Kayla gives me a cheeky smile. “I did. You’ve been so sad the past few days.”

Thank God for Kayla Saint-Louis.

I bury my face in her bedsheets, and my next words come out muffled. “I don’t know what to do!”

“You just have to break up with him. One and done.” Kayla says like it’s the obvious thing to do. “You’re not about to win this fight, boo-boo. They have, like, crazy history together.”

“Bitch, I said that!” I gasp, flabbergasted. “I said the same thing before we got together, and you still encouraged me!”

“And now I’m encouraging you to dump his ass!

” She hugs me, kissing the top of my head because she knows I find it condescending when she does it.

“Oh, Cassie. Maria is going to chew you up and spit you out if she ever finds out. Remember how she beat that girl up for hitting on Caleb back in second grade?”

I freeze all over, feeling suddenly mortified. “Let’s not even talk about it. I swear to God, I’ve been thinking about it all day.”

“Rightfully so. She can’t hit your nose.” Kayla pinches my nose bridge, like she did when we were kids. I pout while looking at her. “It’s very tiny and cute, and your most perfect feature.”

“Besides my hair,” I remind her.

“Besides your hair,” Kayla agrees, letting me go. She looks at me for another minute or so, considering saying something. Her face does that thing between a frown and a grimace, and I know she’s holding back.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“Alice sent me a text this morning.”

I frown. “What did she say?”

“She hinted at…” Kayla shakes her head, fixing up her dress. “You know what? Why am I even listening to her? It was something stupid about a dance, but who even cares? Want some popcorn?”

“You know I love popcorn.” I give her a tiny smile. “But if you want to talk about Alice, we can do that too.”

She never told me what happened or explained why she tried to protect Alice instead of Angelina during the fight. And I’d still like to hear about it sometime, even though I still don’t want her to get in too deep to the point of getting hurt.

Kayla glances at her hands, chipping her nail polish off. Her brown cheeks heat up, and it’s nothing like the peachy tone of her summer shade of blush. She’s totally shy, which is so unlike her.

Oh .

Maybe this is the time. Maybe I can be a good friend to her now and make up for all the tiny moments I’ve failed at it lately.

I can do that, right?

Can I still be a good friend?

“Another time, if that’s okay?” She winces. “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you; it’s just that this is really hard for me. I need more time to understand what I’m thinking before putting it out there.”

I nod reassuringly, trying not to let my disappointment show. “Sure, Kayla.”

Whatever is bothering her, whenever she’s ready.

I’ll be there.

I have to be.