Page 83 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

HOW TO HIDE FROM BULLIES

Cassandra

The next day comes, and I still have to go to class. I want to ask for help, but it’ll take some time for the administration to catch up on what’s going on. And if I do say something, it’ll all be reported back to my father.

The thought of him finding out about the pictures, seeing them, really scares me. Maybe I just have to wait it out and bide my time.

No matter how hard I try to keep myself calm, I still have to hide in the bathroom all afternoon to fight off a panic attack. Lunchtime was disastrous. I couldn’t step foot in the cafeteria. I’m hungry and exhausted, and I’ve never had to hide in a bathroom for this long before.

There’s a first for everything.

Some girls come in a few minutes before the last bell rings, chit-chatting about boys and clothes and all the things I like to talk about. I don’t join them, even though I’m suddenly dying to. They’re talking to each other, but I’m hiding in the bathroom, scared they’ll find me.

I feel exposed, naked.

I feel like they can hear me breathe.

“God, I can’t believe he’d do this to Maria.” One of them says, and I can hear the disbelief in her voice. “If I were her, I’d slap the shit out of that girl.”

“And she’s so quiet, isn’t she?”

The others agree immediately.

I press my head against the door, trying to catch every word they’re saying. I want to know exactly what people are thinking about me before this gets out of hand. I need to know how to defend myself from their accusations.

“You know what I was thinking? Maria should leak her pictures.” The third one snorts. “She should show Cassandra Rivera exactly what happens when you don’t know how to respect yourself.”

No, no, no.

Please, don’t do this to me.

The first girl gasps.

“But she’s too kind!” she says, referring to Maria.

“A lot better than me!” The third girl agrees.

I hear the sound of water coming down the drain.

She’s washing her hands.

Lip gloss.

Perfume.

The entire room smells of lilies.

I bite my lips so hard they start to bleed.

“Because I’d do it in a heartbeat.” I hear her add a moment later.

The second girl giggles. “I’ve seen them.”

“What do you think of it?”

I take a step back, then another.

“Honestly?” she laughs. “Nothing to brag about. She sort of has this huge upper body, but she’s very thin, too.”

A soft cry bubbles in my throat.

I swallow it.

“No way, it had to be the angle. She’s a really pretty girl. I think she looks kind of like a doll.” The first girl insists, eager to be heard. “I mean, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near Tobias, you know? She has that sweet, kind of look with that Jessica Alba kind of face!”

“Right!”

“No, she’s way too fucking bland for—”

My back hits something hard, and a loud noise echoes. I gasp, closing my eyes shut. It seems like I’ve accidentally flushed the toilet. The three of them stop talking, and I brace myself for the next worst thing to happen.

“Who’s there?” The first girl asks.

I breathe deeply, unlocking the door.

The girls freeze, watching me walk out of the bathroom stall. It’s one of those moments that makes me wish I could press pause and rewind, change the course of things. I don’t want to be here right now.

“Oh.”

“Shit.”

I recognize two of them as second-year students, but the girl who talked about seeing my pictures is my age. Really, I’ve seen her with Maria, walking to classes together, sharing lunch. They’re very good friends, in fact.

Laura Andre, I think, is her name.

She asked me for help back in fifth grade. I was the one to take pictures of her science project. I even remember telling her how much I liked her black-and-white dotted socks.

“I’m just…” I take a step, then another, trying to walk out of the bathroom. “I’m going to leave now.”

Laura grabs my arm. Yanks me forward.

“Laura?” One of the other girls, a brunette one, gasps. “What are you doing?”

“She was listening to us like a fucking creep,” Laura snaps, pushing me back into the bathroom stall. “What are you going to do now? Report it? Say what? We’re harassing you?”

“No?” I shake my head, frowning. “I’m not going to do anything.” I try to slap her hand away, but she holds me tighter, forcing me to sit on the toilet. “Laura, what is wrong with you? Let me go!”

She pushes me down. I try to hold onto something so I won’t fall and get myself all wet.

“This is for what you did to my friend.”

Laura growls before grabbing my face and banging it against the left side of the bathroom stall. The hair charms I wear dig into my scalp, and I use my feet to kick her away from me.

I scream, “Stop!”

“You think you can just do whatever you want, right?” Laura taunts me. “Sleep with other people’s boyfriends? You think you run this school or something?”

“Let me go!” I shout, feeling her try to grab me again and rip my t-shirt. “Stop!”

Laura pulls me out of the bathroom stall, forcing me to walk out of the bathroom, back to the main hall. She throws me against the floor, and I almost trip but don’t fall. I look around, quick and desperate, searching for the supervisors. The hallway is empty and quiet, not a single soul in sight.

The other two girls watch us fight as she slaps me again, and I grab her hair, pulling it down. “Let me go!”

“Fucking bitch!” She uses both her hands to push me, and I stumble back towards the stairs. “You almost ripped my hair off!”

“You started this!” I cry, my hands shaking as I try to hug myself. “I did nothing to you!”

Her gaze shifts from me to the other girls.

I see her hesitation on what to do, now that I’ve provoked her.

It’s one thing for a girl in my position to do what I did, but it’s expected that I accept the repercussions for my actions.

Beating my ass seems like a totally valid response to them, and maybe it is. Maybe I deserve it.

I can’t let her treat me like a dog, though. I just can’t.

It’s not easy to survive at Sainte Madeleine.

This school knows how to break a person little by little, even more so an already weak one.

And if I cry now, I’m letting them win. Everybody else will follow after them and find a reason to dump on me, whether I’m wrong or not.

I’ll become a scapegoat and a laughingstock.

Laura smirks, her gaze set on me. “Hold her.”

The first girl winces and shakes her head. “Come on, let’s just stop. I think she gets the point now.”

“You think she won’t go after Tobias next? Hold her!” Laura insists. What she just said makes them pause, and I swear I can see the wheels turning.

I start shaking my head desperately, begging them not to.

“I don’t want Tobias!” I cry as they grab my arms, pulling me close. “I swear, I don’t want him!”

I start to fight back. I give it the best I can. I’m not the strongest or the fastest, but I try. The harder I fight to shake away from their grip, the harder they press.

Laura wipes her face, drying away her tears, before she opens her backpack and takes out her pen case.

“Maria is nice, but I am not.” She settles, with resolve. “I’ll show you what your place is.”

“I didn’t know they were still together,” I tell her, trying to pull myself to the floor, begging them to just let me go, but I’ve always been a rather small girl. There’s no winning. “I really didn’t think it through, Laura.”

“Clearly.” Her scissors start cutting my uniform right in the middle, from bottom to the top. “If you keep wiggling so much, I’m going to cut you, Cassandra.”

“Please, don’t do this!” I start to sob. “I have to ride home!”

“You should’ve thought about that before you went behind Maria’s back,” she insists, looking disgusted. “Or would you rather I cut off your hair? An eye for an eye, right?”

I stop fighting once I realize just how serious she is, my stomach twisting uncomfortably. Laura takes my silence as me agreeing and grabs a wild strand of my hair, which makes me scream.

“Cut the shirt!”

The blonde girl tries again, “We’re going to get suspended over this.”

“So what?” Laura cuts the shirt. I watch her do it, slow and deliberate. The frown on her face, the meanness in her mouth. “I’m sick of people like you, Cassandra. Rich bitches who think they can get away with everything. Well, you can’t.”

“I’m not…” I trail off, a whimper breaking out of me. My breaths are so short, so painful, I feel like I might pass out any second. “I’m not doing anything! I’m not!”

Once Laura is done, she steps back and motions to the girls, who finally let me go.

“This is it,” she says, pointing at me with disdain.

I slide to the ground, grabbing whatever is left of the fabric and putting it back together, trying to hide myself from their eyes.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“I told you guys,” she chuckles a little. “It’s nothing to brag about.”

The bell rings.

I hear the other students start to come out of class, all at the same time. My stomach tightens uncomfortably, watching them walk by. The surprise showing on their faces when they first notice who I am is something I’ll have nightmares about.

Pull yourself together.

Pull yourself together.

Pull yourself—

Whispers. The voices grow louder. I shrink and start sobbing, bringing my hair to my chest.

“Jesus, Rivera. Go put on some clothes!”

I can’t make myself stop. I can’t pull myself back together, can’t fix this mess I made out of wanting a bit of attention for once. I’m ruining things just like that, torn pieces falling apart.

It’s all just me .

Cassandra Rivera and her broken, sullen parts.

“Stop laughing at me!”

My mind is full of blurry visions of people watching, people asking why I’m half-naked, and people pointing at me.

Get me out of here.

More pictures.

More flashes.

Laura’s laughter when I knock hard into someone, trying to run away. I fall forward, landing on the ground harshly.

I don’t get back up.

They’re all around me.

Surrounding me.

I might throw up.

I might pass out.

I don’t.

I still survive.

I stay awake through it all.

“Cassandra?”

It’s Antony Silva. He looks sickly still; the skin around his nose is slightly red.

Antony’s warm brown eyes.

Antony pulls me up, takes off his shirt, and puts it on me. I can’t stop crying, not even as he forces me to get dressed.

“Hey, no! Stop taking pictures of her!”

Other hands.

Angelina’s.

Covering me.

I don’t want to be touched.

Please, stop touching me.

Everybody is seeing this.

Seeing me.

Seeing everything in me.

Touching me.

Do they see him?

Do they see what he did to me?

Stop.

No one sees you, Cassandra.

They don’t care.

Mom left you with me again.

You really think she doesn’t know?

She never wanted you.

I’ll kill you one day, and they won’t even care.

“Shh, it’s okay.” She presses me against her chest, pulling me away towards the stairs. More people are coming. There’s a floor above us. I don’t feel any less naked. They’re all going to see me. “It’s okay, Cassie. We’re here now.”

“Where’s Mr. Fernandez?” Someone else says. Mateo. It’s Mateo’s voice. “Fuck, he’s on the second floor.”

Pushed.

Dragged.

Doors being opened.

I’m being rushed outside.

The whispers turn louder.

“Who did this?” Mateo asks, turning towards Laura. “Was it you?”

“I was just—” She rolls her eyes, like this wasn’t meant to be taken seriously at all. “I was just teaching her a lesson.”

“A lesson?” Angelina yells, angry cold eyes staring her down. “You’re a fucking criminal, Laura!”

I don’t want them to fight because of me.

I don’t want anyone to get in trouble.

I just want out.

Accusations.

Yelling.

I break.