Page 92 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS

Beckett

I haven’t seen Cassandra in two days.

Me: Cass?

Hi

You haven’t talked to me in a while.

***

Me: Baby

I’m really worried about you :(

***

Me: Hi… text me if you need anything.

Ireally hope you’re okay.

***

Me: I miss you.

Her bicycle is stationed in the middle of the sidewalk, a poor thing forgotten, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I text her about it more than twice. She doesn’t respond.

And here’s the thing: I’m a bad texter by nature. I never text first, not even with my closest friends. But if I had a penny for every time I reached out to Cassandra and got nothing back, I’d be turning into a freaking millionaire any day now.

The worst part?

I can’t let it go.

It follows me while I feed the chicken and pull out the bad weeds.

It nags at me while Well tries to drag me into petty conversations.

It even interrupts my afternoon nap after lunch.

So, by Saturday evening, when she still hasn’t answered, I go to the only three people who might know what’s going on.

“I haven’t heard from her either.” Angelina admits, sending Mateo a guilty kind of look. “We shouldn’t have let her walk home alone.”

Mateo winces. “I couldn’t force her into your mom’s car.”

Their words make something in me jolt in warning, anxiety starting to gather in the pit of my stomach.

“Something feels really off about her,” Antony mumbles, his gaze distant. “I’ve always said so.”

“I thought you just hated her father.” I point out, remembering how we’ve talked about this once or twice before.

“And I do.” He shrugs. “But I’m just saying, if I missed class as much as she does, I’d have been kicked out of Sainte Madeleine already. But because she’s the principal’s daughter…”

Suddenly, I’m sick of this. Sick of the push-and-pull.I don’t care about Cassandra’s parents or about her brother. I care about her. I want to know how she feels, if she’s safe.

“Whatever stupid thing you’re about to say, Antony, keep it to yourself.” I grimace, waving at Silvio for another round of tacos. “I’m really worried about her.”

“Relax, bro. I wasn’t going to say anything bad.” Antony grips my shoulder, his gaze softening a little. “Gabriel, back me up on this.”

“Stop calling me that.” Mateo flicks the ash from his cigarette before using it to point at Antony. “And I’m with Beckett on that one. I’m cool with Cassie.”

Antony sighs. “So, you think this is totally normal?”

“I’m not saying that.” Mateo clears his throat, blowing the smoke the other way so it won’t get in Angelina’s face. She lets her head fall against his shoulders, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head before adding. “Give the girl a break, dude. She’s having a hard time.”

“Fuck you, get your facts straight. I’m not against her. Not totally.” Antony taps a finger against the fresh cut on his cheek. His lip is busted too, slightly puffy. “I think this proves it.”

I give the three of them a long look.

“Say what you want to her face, or don’t say it at all. I’m not here to talk trash about her.” I take a sharp breath. “Clear?”

Mateo and Angelina exchange a long look, like this is an interaction they’ll definitely be revisiting later for a debrief. I groan, starting to feel hopeless.

“Alright.” Antony raises his hands, acting defeated. “If you say so.”

Angelina sighs, her fingers drumming against the table. “They’re calling her all sorts of names. I swear to God, Beckett. It’s bad.”

I shrink, biting into the food.

It tastes like nothing.

Antony eventually is the first to agree. “I’ve never seen anything like it happen before.” He shakes his head, disgusted. “Caleb tells everything in detail. It’s like… he gets off of it or something. Dude’s got no shame.”

“I think the fucker is doing it on purpose just to embarrass the shit out of her.” Mateo leans back, rubbing his jaw. His next question is directed to me. “You think she’s okay at home?”

I sense that there’s more that’s bugging him.

“What do you mean by that?”

The two boys share a look.

“We aren’t supposed to tell other people,” Antony starts to speak, then hesitates.

Mateo cuts him off. “Yeah, sure. It’s against the principle of it all. But what if something happened to her?”

“Right. Good point.” My best friend leans forward, considering what to do. I roll my eyes at him, ready to snap, but he nudges me to calm down, speaking more quietly. “She… might’ve mentioned not liking her brother to Mateo and me once. It wasn’t anything terrible, but she did call him mean.”

“Here we go again with the conspiracy theories.” Angelina sighs, swirling her milkshake with the straw. “A lot of people are mean. Maybe she meant it like, Nathaniel is mean with his words.”

Antony rolls his eyes. “Oh, come on, Angelina. You don’t even believe in that yourself!”

“I’m just saying!” Angelina insists, waving a perfectly manicured finger at him. “We can’t read too much into this. I don’t want to badmouth her or her family.”

“But that’s not what we’re doing,” Antony counters, flicking his braids back. “We’re just pointing out the obvious about this situation. The Riveras were always weird as fuck, and even Lucia thought so back in the day.”

Angelina shakes her head, still unwilling to admit that he has a point.

“Lucia listened to gossip. Sometimes, she even created them. Why the fuck would I take that into account? It’s hard to tell what’s true and what’s not.

And besides, I don’t know. What happened with Caleb…

” She hesitates, choosing her words very carefully.

“It leaves a lot of room for interpretation, because her father seemed really upset on her behalf. I actually think he cares about her.”

Mateo winces, seemingly disagreeing with Angelina, too. My eyes flicker to Antony, who only gives me a bewildered look before shaking his head.

“Okay, Ms. Diplomatic. We’ll just pretend he wasn’t upset about losing his job, I guess.” He raises both his hands. “I don’t want to keep pushing you to play devil’s advocate. Cassandra looked like she was about to have a mental breakdown all week in class, but whatever you say.”

“I’m not saying she’s okay, though. I’m just trying to say we should talk to her first before making any assumptions,” she groans, looking at me for support. “Look, Beckett. One thing is true, and we can all agree on that. She always has that look on her face, you know?”

Mateo strongly bobs his head. “Yes! That fucking look! God, it’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Angelina glances at him, a small smile slowly curving her lips.

“I’m glad someone else knows what I’m talking about. I’ve talked to Kayla about it a few times. She told me Cassandra has been acting a little depressed since before I came back, but Kayla doesn’t know any more about it than we do.”

“Cassandra doesn’t confide in her?” I frown, finding it strange that she wouldn’t.

The brunette girl shakes her head from side to side. “No, she doesn’t. And that’s, like, her best friend I’m talking about.”

A heavy silence falls over the group.

“You’ve known her the longest out of all of us, Beckett. Has she ever—” Mateo hesitates, choosing his words carefully. “Has she ever talked about her family? Like, in a bad way, to you?”

My jaw clenches.

“I’ve never really asked. I mean, her brother is just so…”

Useless. Irresponsible. Selfish.

I trail off, shaking my head side to side. “But it’s the number one rule around here, right? You don’t ask any questions. Maybe… Maybe I should have been more curious.”

“You can’t blame yourself for not knowing,” Angelina adds, reaching out to grab my hand. “If it involves family, then it’s truly personal. No matter how close you two are, she might feel some type of way about telling you everything, you know?”

Still.

Cassandra was out there, either avoiding us or unable to reach us. Either way, something felt wrong. It made me want to try going to her house later to see if she’d at least answer if I knocked on her door.

Antony’s eyes flicker to mine, sobering up. “You say the word, and I’m there.”

He touches the necklace around his neck. It symbolizes our friendship. The round pendants are not meant to look expensive, more so like a weight around our necks. The number three is engraved at the back. Fight Club .

“If she’s really in trouble with her brother, I mean.”

“Let me check with her first.” I offer, my fingers curling into a fist. “She might not answer, but I guess I’ll have to push my way in?”

Mateo nods. “Be careful though.”

I frown. “What about it?”

He winces, seemingly lost in thought. “Nothing, it’s just… In my experience, when you start digging into people’s families and pasts, that’s when things tend to get very messy very fast.”

***

I drop the boys off at Antony’s house—they’re having a sleepover—then drive Angelina back to her parents. The ride is long, but it helps me clear my mind. One name keeps running through my mind, keeping my thoughts alert.

“I can come with you,” Angelina offers when I park the car near her house, watching me carefully as I maneuver towards the main street. “What Antony said got me worried. What if something happened, you know?”

I shake my head, knowing there’s a huge chance Cassandra will pull away if she feels walls closing in on her.

“She’ll feel cornered,” I explain, trying my best to keep my tone kind.This is not an intervention. So far, I’m just checking on a friend. Making sure she’s not hurt or upset.

“Well, fuck,” Angelina curses, looking slightly unconvinced. Her stubborn mouth twists downwards with disapproval.

“Just… Do you like her or what? Because I don’t think you should be kissing her if you don’t mean it. You’re going to get her feelings all confused about you, and she’s already going through a lot.”

“I’m not.” I snap, wanting to stay quiet about it but feeling unable to. “I’ve never kissed Cassandra back and not meant it.”

“Yes, but all I’m saying is that whatever you two have going on…” She grimaces, reaching out to grab my arm. “I’ve heard the rumors, okay? And I’m not against her, or anything, but she goes from talking to one boy to the next.”

“So?” I say, protective of Cassandra. “Who cares what she does?”

“That’s her… Beckett, that’s her way of dealing with hard things.” Angelina licks her bottom lip nervously. “I can’t even believe I’m giving you the fucking therapist talk right now, but that’s her coping mechanism, okay? Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“I’m not like these guys, though,” I insist, feeling annoyed that she’d even go there. “I’m not playing with her feelings, Angelina. I actually care about her.”

“This is not about who you are as a person; it’s about your actions. If you care about her, put her first.” She retorts, not letting it go. “You always want to take care of everyone around you, so do it the right way.”

“Okay, Angelina. Just tell me one thing.” I shift towards the passenger seat, facing her now. “Is this about Lucia?”

Her round eyes narrow down. “No, stupid head. This is about you . I’m being your friend right now, as well as Cassie’s.”

I can’t deny Angelina has a point. Now is not the time to consider my feelings about Cassandra, but they’re present, no matter how much I try to fight them. It’s complicated to balance it all.

“You forget I’ve known you for a long time. It’s so like you,” she continues, combing her hair nervously. “Losing your head over someone when you feel like they’ve been wronged. Beckett, no offense, but you’re stubborn as hell and unable to let go!”

I groan, “Well, you’re right about that. If she needs me, I won’t let go!”

“I’m not telling you to!” Angelina makes an exasperated sound. “And I don’t want to fight you, not when I feel like you’re just misunderstanding what I’m trying to say!”

“Then, don’t,” I state simply. “Why would I do anything to hurt her?”

“Because the people we love are the ones we tend to hurt the most,” she adds, a little softer this time. “I think you could be good for her. You’re kind and you’re sweet, but it won’t matter if you don’t take things slow.”

“Oh.” I wince, realizing that she means to call me out for what happened at Sainte Madeleine. “This really is about me kissing her back, isn’t it?”

Angelina nods, looking a little relieved that I’m finally hearing her out. “Yes. You’re not seeing it from an outsider’s perspective, but they already think she’s an easy girl. If anyone else had caught you two, that could’ve been easily used against her.”

I grip the steering wheel a little tighter, my defenses coming down. “Why would anyone even think that? She was feeling terrible, Angie. I swear, it was not at all how it came across.”

She hums, understanding my position a little better.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think Cassandra means to act that way, but it just so happens that what she does makes her come across as a little messy.”

I blink slowly, letting her words sink in.

“I think I really like her,” I admit.

My chest tightens with pain. I want so badly to protect her, even if only as a friend.Regardless of my crush, I’d do the same thing for Angelina, Antony, and anyone else I care about.

But if I have a chance at something more, I want that too eventually. I just have to be careful about it so it’s not another reason why she’s drowning.

“There’s nothing wrong with playing the long game,” Angelina grins, sounding a bit more excited about the possibility now. I sometimes forget she can still be a romantic. “I’d love to have someone who wants to do the same thing for me, you know?”