Page 122 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

“I don’t think anyone can.” She unclips her hair, letting the strands frame her face. “I have a very specific kind of brain.”

“That’s…”

I remember yelling at my mom as a kid after she washed my favorite teddy bear. My scent was gone, leaving me in overwhelming distress. Later as a teen, I’d panic over following instructions, neglecting my most important tasks, which often led me to spiral.

I shake my head, pushing the thoughts away.

“Please, explain it to me,” I say, wanting to know what’s on her mind. “Let me into this very specific kind of brain of yours.”

Cassandra smiles weakly. “It’s the pants.”

“The pants?”

She stands slowly, readjusting her hot pink tank top. “They’re low-rise jeans, you see?”

I take her hand, spinning her gently, appreciating the effort she put in tonight. Her hair shines, her jewelry gleams, and her clothes are well-fitted. Cassandra pays attention to every little detail.

“What’s wrong with your low-rise jeans, baby?”

“My stomach is showing, and I’ll look bloated as hell if I eat too much.” She stops when we’re facing each other again. “And I kind of put this on expecting to blow somebody’s mind, or something.”

I kiss her forehead. “Whoever they are, I’m sure they’re thoroughly impressed.”

“Really?”

I nod, feeling her relax as I intertwine our fingers together.

“Angelina said it makes me look like a Fast and Furious c haracter.”

“I don’t know about that.” I pull her closer, playing with her bracelets. “I just think you look beautiful.”

Cassandra smiles, soaking up the compliments one by one. She’s usually so responsive to any goodness coming her way, like a sunflower bending towards the sunlight, but even more so tonight. It’s refreshing, but my heart breaks a little too. It’s what she told me herself; she wants to be loved.

It’s her own quiet addiction.

“You are beautiful,” I add quietly, feeling my chest tighten.

I want her to have a fighting chance, to be able to stand tall knowing she’s better than the people trying to hurt her.

“Come with me,” I decide, wanting Antony to swallow his words and give her exactly what she wants. “We’ll get you a salad.”

“That’s wasteful.”

“I’ll eat your burger.”

“You’ll make yourself sick!” Her cheeks flush. “Antony won’t like it.”

I sigh. “Antony is stupid.”

“He’s your best friend.”

“You’re my best friend too.” I grin. “And two things can be true at once. Now, come on. The fries are waiting for you.”

Cassandra still hesitates, stepping closer and leaning in for a kiss. I press my lips to hers, quick and chaste, before adding, “I saw enough salt in them to give me a heart attack in thirty years.”

“I…” she laughs, the sound light and airy, like she wasn’t upset just a second ago. “You’ll really eat my burger?”

“I’ll lick the plate if I must.”

“That’s nasty.”

“I’m a very nasty person, okay?” I kiss her temple, feeling her sigh against me. “Let’s go.”

She whispers against my lips, “Okay.”

Back inside, the gang fights over Antony’s last antojito. I slide Cassandra’s plate from where she’s supposed to be sitting next to Kayla to the empty seat beside me.

“Yo, Silvio?” I call out.

“What’s up, Evans?”

I ask Cassandra, “Do you still want the salad?”

She nods quickly, half-embarrassed about it.

“One salad, please!”

“Coming up for you!”

“Thank you!”

Antony glares, disapproving.

There will be a time when Cassandra stands up for herself fully, without hesitation. One day, he won’t dare to speak out of turn without expecting a response from her directly.I have to believe in that, because I want to believe in her.

“Yo, Cassie! I got us the table in the end!” Kayla grins, her red cheeks glowing.

“The guy just gave it to you after you threatened him?” Cassandra asks, tapping her mouth with the napkin to take her lip gloss off.

Mateo hands me more napkins. “She had to negotiate, actually. You know, like a normal human being.”

“We’re supposed to eat quickly and give it back to him once we’re done,” Kayla explains. “He asked if I’d let him drink in peace if he said yes.”

Antony stands up and leaves, walking to the bathroom. Angelina gives me a side glance, but I don’t budge. He acted like a jerk first, so I won’t lick his wounds. If she wants to go talk to him, she can. I watch her hesitate before following him.

“And what’s the calendar again?” Mateo asks, his face twisting with confusion. “I can never get the dates right.”

Kayla jumps into the conversation, gladly explaining to him what will happen for the next Carnival month.

Cassandra’s hand slips from mine, and she steals some of my food, taking a bite when she thinks nobody else is watching. I sigh happily at that, watching her go back to enjoying herself.

“You know, I really do hate sharing my food,” I point out, transfixed by her.

“Unless it’s with me?” She flutters her eyelashes on purpose, placing her hand against my thigh playfully.

I intertwine our fingers together and give them a light squeeze. Her skin breaks in goosebumps, but the thing is, so does mine.

“And then, there’s the last parade coming up somewhere around March. It’s the last but also the biggest one, where we burn our sacrifices, asking for another prosperous year,” Kayla pauses, adding thoughtfully. “Well, at least I burn them. Most people just go because it’s fun to watch.”

“Last year, I celebrated with her family,” Cassandra adds, glancing back at me to check if I’m listening. “It was really fun.”

“We made Cassandra try our traditional food,” Kayla giggles. “My father was born here in Le Port, but my mother is also French-Caribbean, so you can guess what our meals look like.”

“Her dad knows his way around the kitchen,” my girlfriend praises another man as she steals more food from me. I just pout, thinking about how I know how to cook a little too. “It’s kind of sexy.”

Kayla grimaces. “She just called my father sexy. My father. Ew! Ew! Ew!”

I move on to bite Cassandra’s earlobe playfully, whispering to her, “We’re not going to hear the end of it now.”

“Stop! I’m ticklish!”

I realize a little too late that maybe it’s a bold move to do in public, feeling her tense beside me for a second, blood rushing to her face, and she crosses one leg over the other.

“Are you now?” I ask.

“Yeah.”

Then, she smiles softly, laying her head against my shoulder and playing with the chain around my neck.

“Blink twice if you’re scared.” She tilts her head towards Kayla, her tone playful. “I’ll chase her away from you.”

I grin too, quickly looking away. “Don’t worry, baby. You already know I will.”