Page 98 of As the Rain Falls (Sainte Madeleine #1)

I don’t think my results are good enough for college.

I think I’ve skipped too many classes and bombed too many tests, and even though Mrs. Yun bumped my five to a six, it’s not enough to cover the wreckage of my transcript.

If things keep going the way they are, I might have to stay in Le Port for another year, just like Antony did.

The thought absolutely terrifies me.

To distract myself, I unlock my phone beneath the table and start scrolling through social media. A new message pops at the top of the screen.

It’s from André.

I know of him; he’s cool.

He wants to hang out with me.

Should I go?

I slide my thumb to delete it but hesitate at the very last second.

“Who are you always texting?” Angelina slides into the seat next to mine, twirling a lollipop between her teeth. “Is it a boy?”

I shrug. “Random text.”

Kayla, sitting across from us, snaps.

“Am I the only one who cares about college applications?” She rubs at her temples, shoulders tight.

Antony hands her a stress ball.

“Deep breaths, Saint-Louis!” He smirks.

“I can’t take a deep breath, Tony. No deep breaths allowed!” Kayla squeezes the ball. Then, she turns to me, her expression softening. “And I have to think about your college applications too!”

“No, you don’t.” I lock my phone and shove it in my pocket. “I’m going to be held back.”

“You won’t.” She starts to reason, acting all logical. “Not if you start putting in the work now.”

But I know better than that. I barely scraped by last semester, and I also completely blew our third year general exam. It happened a few days after Beckett showed up at my house, and I wasn’t ready to focus entirely on school yet, feeling too worried sick about my appearance.

“Not exactly, no.” I laugh, but it’s weak.

Antony catches it immediately, and gives me a sympathetic smile. He understands me better than the others do.

Though I don’t say it out loud, I really do appreciate that he isn’t pushy about it because unfortunately, I can’t say the same about my best friend.

The more she tries to make me fit this tiny little box of perfection, the more I feel my heart breaking. I can never be the girl she wants me to be. I will never be smart, or strong, or capable.

“What about doing your essays?” Kayla leans closer, reaching out to me. “I can help you write them, Cassie. It’s actually not that hard if you plan ahead.”

I stiffen, embarrassment making me want to disappear into my seat. “God, Kayla. Can you just let it go? Please?”

Her face falls, and I instantly regret it.

“I know you’re, like, a very good student,” I explain, feeling awkward. “But there’s no need to flaunt it.”

“That’s…” She frowns, confused. “Cassie, that’s not what I’m doing. I know you care about college, okay? I just want you to succeed.”

“I don’t care about college,” I say, my voice beginning to rise. The lie tastes bitter in my tongue. I know I don’t sound very convincing. “You’re the one who won’t stop obsessing about it!”

“Okay, Cassie,” Antony intervenes, pulling Kayla’s hand back. “You’re going at level ten right now, so let’s take it down to a two.”

“She’s being pushy!” I snap, anger exploding.

Antony’s eyes soften, watching me like he can tell I’m about to fall apart. And though he understands my side of things, I can also read between the lines.

He is against me.They all are.

He doesn’t appreciate me snapping at her. They’re becoming closer, growing some kind of bond that I don’t totally understand or know enough about.

“By telling you to write your essays?” He tilts his head, unconvinced. “The one you know you’re supposed to be writing?”

“I’m not saying I won’t…” I roll my eyes, feeling them start to sting.

Kayla avoids my gaze now, probably feeling rejected. But before I can swallow my pride and apologize, a crumpled piece of paper lands on my desk. I unfold it and freeze. It’s a crude drawing of me bent over a desk.

Angelina sees it first.

It makes her go wild .

“I’m going to fuck you up!”

She starts to rise out of her seat, but Mateo snatches her waist and pulls her back before she can lunge at whoever sent it.His jaw tightens, dark eyes flickering back to Caleb, who’s grinning in the back of the class.

I drop the sketch over the table, my fingers suddenly burning.

“Real funny, Monteiro!” Mateo deadpans, checking to see what was drawn in it. Then, he claps with fake enthusiasm. “Congratulations! You’re a real fucking piece of shit!”

“What is your problem?” Angelina curses, her voice sharp.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Caleb leans back, looking pleased with himself. “Can’t take a joke?”

Antony is on his feet now, hands clenched into fists. He steps forward, with a voice that’s dangerously calm, but his eyes won’t leave Caleb. It’s like he wants to jump him.

“No, she’s right. What is your problem?”

My vision blurs.I swallow hard, trying to soothe the tightness in my throat, but only feeling it close even further. I feel like I’m back in his bed again, just as small and weak.

“Aren’t you tired of acting like everybody needs to suck up to you? Like we’re all supposed to laugh at your jokes? My god, you’re really fucking pathetic, Caleb.” Antony drops his head to the side. “Maybe that’s why Cassandra got sick of your ass!”

“I know somebody who sucked something else.” Caleb’s gaze flickers to me, then to his girlfriend beside him. He makes a motion with his hand, bobbing his head back and forth.

I flinch, like I’ve been slapped. He’s talking about what happened in his cousin’s car.Maria stiffens next to him, but doesn’t say anything else. Of course, she doesn’t. Why would she ever defend me?

I move before I can stop myself.

“You know what? I’m done.”

“Cass, no.” Antony grabs me, pulling me back. “Hold on.”

“What?” Caleb laughs harder, taunting me now. “You’re going to call Evans to come beat me up? Finally found someone who’s willing to put up with your bullshit?”

“We’re leaving.” Antony decides, dragging me towards the door. “Let’s get you out of here.”

“No! I don’t want to leave! I want to stay!” I cry, fighting his grip. “Let me go!”

Kayla hesitates, her gaze softening. She seems so sad as she watches me. Finally, she turns to Caleb as she starts shaking her head.

“Are you proud of yourself?” Her voice is loud and strong, addressing him directly. “Look what you’re doing. Does it make you feel good?”

Caleb snickers, “Ah, here comes the fucking lesbo.”

Everybody starts to laugh, but Alice freezes, sitting alone in a corner. He doesn’t stop there, though. It’s not enough for him to humiliate just me, and it all comes down in slow motion, his following words piercing my chest.

“Tell me, Saint-Louis.” Caleb smirks, too proud to care about anything other than hurting whoever is standing in front of him. “Isn’t it sad that out of every person in this world, the only one Cassandra Rivera won’t sleep with is you?”

I suck in a breath, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces for my friend. I think about how uncertain she seemed about this, how unwilling to admit it to herself Kayla was.

How could Caleb be so cruel?

How come I never saw any of the signs that he’d go so far to hurt me?

Did I just ignore everything?

Alice starts to rise, her face suddenly twisted with anger. Caleb turns to her, half-surprised. She points one finger at Kayla, who seems to be completely disconnected from anything that’s happening.

“What did you just say about her?”

Caleb’s smile falters, but he still opens his mouth, ready to repeat his previous words.

“I… I…” he stutters.

Alice cuts him off, not giving him the time to speak.

“Ah-ah, really? You’re going there? No wonder why your mommy dropped you off at a gas station after you were born,” she adds, smiling meanly as she raises two fingers up in the air. “Twice.”

The room goes completely silent.

“I mean, really. God, look at you!” She takes another step forward, her voice rising, and Kayla’s head snaps towards her.

“Too bad she didn’t get that sudden realization quicker.

Like, nine months before that, back when a quick pill would have solved half our problems by making you slide down the drain! ”

Caleb’s confident facade shatters then.

I watch him rise slowly, and it’s the way his arm is positioned, slowly rising, that tells me everything I need to know. Because I’ve seen it happen before, time and time again, with Nathaniel at home.

He’s going to beat her.

And not only is she just a girl, but Alice also can’t fight.

“Get away from her!” Kayla’s voice rises, and she lunges forward.

I go too, but Antony hauls me into the hallway, shoving the door shut behind us. The sound of students screaming echoes, all blending together, and I spin around to face him, my heart pounding.

“Let me go back inside!” I beg. “He’s going to hurt her!”

“No,” he says and pushes my shoulder, forcing me to step back.

“What the fuck? Are you taking his side?” I ask, hitting him wherever I can. My slaps only grow weaker and weaker when he doesn’t return any of my hostility. “You hear what he said about Kayla? Answer me!”

“His side?” Antony’s eyes darken. He laughs so humorlessly, and says, “Jesus, Cassandra. I’m watching out for you . God forbid someone actually cares, right?”

I try to push him, but he pushes me back.I’ve never, ever gotten physical with another person before. It’s the kind of thing I’ve always tried to steer away from, because my experience with my brother told me I could never win.

“What are you even talking about?“ I hit his right shoulder, just like he did to me. I can’t stop myself. I’m completely losing it. “I was doing fine out there, standing up for myself.”

“You were shaking!” his voice drops, like he doesn’t want anyone else to hear us. It’s quieter, but heavier. “You are shaking, okay? I know you think you’re strong, but your body tenses whenever Caleb speaks in class!”

I shake my head. “That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is!” he snaps. “You can’t handle being around him.”