Page 56 of The Lost Ones

I get up out of the car slowly and make my way inside. I’m aware of the worried glances the guys are throwing my way, but I’m once again drawn into my thoughts. There’s just so much information to try and sort through. I go through my bedtime routine mechanically not taking in any of the details of the room that they’ve have put me in once again.

I become aware enough that I notice when each of the guys come to say goodnight to me, all of them except Jax. It causes my already bruised heart to ache more. I don’t know what I’ve done wrong, if we had, had a fight or something, I’d be able to understand it better, but we didn’t so I really don’t know what I did.

A few hours later I awake from a restless sleep to the bedroom door slowly creaking open, if it hadn’t been for the way I grew up with my fake mother, I would have never noticed the slow movement of my bedroom door, and it wouldn’t have woken me up. I know, without looking, that my late-night intruder is Jax. Curious to see what he’s doing; I continue to feign sleep. He quietly makes his way over to the bed and ever so slowly lifts my hand, placing a light kiss on the back. I can’t let him leave, I need to fix whatever is coming between us and creating this distance, I flip my hand over quickly holding onto his tightly.

“Stay with me?” I ask, my whispered words seeming loud in the dark room. I’m afraid he is going to deny my request.

He’s still facing away from me and I see his other hand clench tightly at his side, my heart sinks, already anticipating the answer he gives.

“Not tonight Sage.” He gently shakes off my hand and starts to walk towards the door.

He didn’t call me Little Star.

I feel a small part of my heart break.

No, I am not going to let him just walk away from me. I refuse to lose him, especially for a reason I know nothing about. I throw myself out of bed and stomp towards him.

My temper simmering.

“What did I do?” I demand crossing my arms over my chest.

“Nothing Sage, everything’s fine, just leave it.” He grinds out, spinning towards me, his jaw clenched tightly.

“Everything is not fine! You ass! You’ve been ignoring me all day going as far as moving as far away from me as possible at the dinner table, you waited until I was asleep to say goodnight, you let me go to sleep worrying and upset because you weren’t here, and you won’t fucking call me Little Star!” My rant gets louder and louder as I stalk closer to Jax until my finger pokes his chest. He tenses and I can feel his anger responding to mine.

“Just leave it!” He grits out through clenched teeth.

“No!” I yell, “Tell me what the fuck I’ve done wrong!” I demand, anger burning through my veins.

“I don’t want to lose you!” He shouts back at me breathing heavily.

What the fuck.

“If you carry on pushing me away, like you have been all day, you are going to lose me anyway!” I carry on yelling unable to stop now I’ve started, his answer infuriating me further. “I can’t imagine anything else that would cause you to lose me, only that!”

I watch as his eyes harden and his jaw clenches so tight, I’m pretty sure his teeth could crack; his breathing becomes choppy and uneven. He quickly reaches up and yanks his top off. I stare into his frantic eyes confused.

“This is how I’m going to lose you, you deserve someone better, someone whole. They are hideous and they are frightening, the first and last woman who saw them told me exactly that before she looked at me in utter disgust and fucking ran away from me. I couldn’t bear to see you look at me that way Sage, but who wouldn’t?” he chuckles darkly, the sound chilling, “that’s why they were given to me after all, to remind me that I’m worthless, I’m ugly and no one will ever love me.” He starts off shouting, his eyes frantic and enraged, but by the time he utters the last sentence his voice is broken and his eyes are desolate and haunted.

I look down at his chest terrified by what could’ve been done to my amazing Jax to make him feel like this. He clenches his eyes shut tightly his breathing becoming even more ragged.

I can’t hold in my gasp and he flinches at the sound of it, obviously misinterpreting it. His well sculpted chest is covered in layer upon layer of puckered red scars all overlapping each other. I reach out and gently place my hand upon one of the worst ones, the one directly above his heart. Feeling, the finger width, five-inch-long raised scar fills me with an intense rage. How dare someone harm my Jax, how dare they fill his head with such horrendous lies. I vow there and then that I will make whoever caused these scars, pay for every single fucking one of them.

I take a deep breath to calm my rage, knowing that my anger is not what Jax needs right now. A sudden thought occurs to me and my stomach sinks further, needing to know for sure if I’m right I slowly circlearound him, horrified to find that his back is in the same condition as his front. In fact, horrifically, it may be worse, the anger threatens to bubble up again, but I push it back down. I walk back around to face him and glance up at my gorgeous broken Jax. He still has his eyes clenched tightly shut but there’s a single lone tear making a track down his handsome face, my heart breaks for him and my own eyes start to water.

“Jax,” I say softly, wanting him to see that I am in no way disgusted by him and most definitely not frightened of him.

He shakes his head refusing to look at me, squeezing his eyes shut even tighter and dislodging more tears. I need to do something that forces him to open his eyes. I lean forward and gently kiss along the angry puckered scar across his heart. He inhales sharply jumping as my mouth makes contact. I take a tiny step back and look up at him and see him looking down at me in shock.

“Your scars do not detract from who you are Jax.” I say seriously, placing both of my hands on his face when he tries to turn away from me, “they tell me that you are a warrior, you went through an immensely traumatic experience and you survived Jax.” I say firmly, he starts to shake his head and I know what he’s thinking, I’ve thought it too. “Yes, you may be a little bit cracked, a bit bent maybe but you are in no way broken.” He finally looks at me properly, wonder covering his handsome features as he realises I’m telling the truth and I am definitely not disgusted by him. “I’m not going to lie to you,” he tenses, prepared for my rejection and I move one of my hands from his face and place it over his heart. “Let me finish, it makes me incredibly angry that someone has hurt you and I can promise you that I will make them pay for every single one.” Determination flares in my eyes and he looks at me once again, in shock. “I also want the name of the bitch that said those things to you, I’m going to personally pay her a visit!” I growl.

“They don’t disgust you?” He asks, his gravelly voice wavering, thick with emotion.

I smile up at him and keep eye contact as I lean forward and kiss a different one of his scars causing his eyes to smoulder with an entirely different emotion.

“I am going to kiss every single one of your scars Jax until you believe me and then I’ll kiss them all again just because I want to. Your scars have not dimmed my attraction to you in the slightest in fact I find you more attractive, you are a survivor and a warrior.” I say sincerely.

I lean forward ready to kiss another scar when I’m suddenly picked up, my legs wrap around his waist and I stare into his deep blue eyes.