Page 56 of Bluebird

Micki

"Whoa, what are you doing? That's cool!"

"Since when is that your style?"

"It's not, but the choreography is cool to this song." And I absolutely mean that. Nika and Philipp almost always dance after practice and do their modern thing and even though I, like them, have a classical dance education, my love is not in that area. But I have eyes in my head and I like what I see. "Is that for a new video?"

These two are by now quite famous on Instagram and YouTube for their modern improvisations and sometimes choreos, although I have to say the improvisations are way more impressive. They have been dancing as a couple for seven years, even though they are not a couple in their private lives. Nevertheless, the question keeps coming up and they both laugh it off. Presumably because they are both in committed long-term relationships. Nika and Philipp are friends, super close friends. Philipp and I are friends too, but Nika is the undisputed number one, I'm number two in the friend ranking. That's okay, I guess.

"It's for the wedding. I’d like to dance for élias and this is what we came up with so far." Nika and her boyfriend èlias are getting married in two months. I'm invited too and I'm looking forward to it, it's going to be great. Nika and élias are a perfect couple.

I don't struggle with the fact that I'm single, always have been, and that's okay, seriously. But when I see the two of them together...

"So élias and Adrien are sitting on the chairs and you're dancing?"

"Yeah, exactly. The two of them aren't the greatest dancers, but they should be able to handle sitting." When Nika wants, she has a nice nasty sense of humor, which I really appreciate. Philipp laughs. Adrien, his husband is hot as hell, but he's completely hopeless when it comes to dancing. You don't want to see that.

"Do you need a third person?"

The two of them look at me as if I've just grown a second head. "You want to join in?"

"I'm invited anyway, so I might as well support you."

"Yeah cool, I love that idea! But who do you want to dance with? As far as I know, you don't have a plus one." Philipp is frighteningly well informed.

"I don't know, I'll find someone. Any single men at the wedding?"

Nika thinks about it. "Well, the only one who comes solo is Mathéo."

"Why is he solo?" Sorry, that sounds superficial, but I want to dance with someone who I at least don't think is really ugly, but Nika just shrugs her shoulders.

"To be honest, I have no idea. In the past, the girls were lying at his feet, he picked up a new one every night, but he was quite an asshole."

"In what way?"

"At the very beginning, when we first met, he wanted me too and the way he treated élias wasn't okay."

"And now?"

"Now I don't see him much anymore. But élias says he's still as arrogant as he used to be, he still gets every girl he wants, but doesn't keep any."

"Maybe he just hasn't found anyone who can take him on yet." I can't help but grin. This could be fun. "Do you think he'd dance with me?"

"What are you wearing?"

"A dark green jumpsuit."

"Heels?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Are you trying to insult me?"

Nika and Philipp laugh. "I withdraw the question. But then I think you have a good chance of him joining in."

"Should I play with him a little? Get him hot and then drop the truth bomb? Or are we not that nasty?"

Nika seriously thinks about it, which indicates that she hasn't forgiven Mathéo yet, because in the four years we've known each other, I've never seen her even consider such a thing. But she never gives away much of herself. Nika hardly lets anyone get close to her, but you only understand that when you see her with élias. And with Philipp.

I'm not like that. I wear my heart on my sleeve, everyone knows immediately where they stand with me. But that's how I grew up, I never had to hide, I could always be whoever and however I wanted to be. My parents love me and so do my sisters, I always had my safe haven if something didn't go well. And to be honest, being me wasn't always easy, especially when I was in my teens. I have a lot of acquaintances, my close circle of friends is small, only a few sticked over the years.

Philipp is one of them and Nika with him, they put up with me and laugh when I'm over the top again, when I talk too much and too loudly. They calm me down when I'm a nervous wreck before our gigs and drive everyone crazy. I feel fast and I feel a lot, too much for most people... sometimes even for myself.

I also get on well with Adrien and élias, but admittedly, sometimes it's difficult to see them so in love together. Finding men isn't my problem, but it never turns into something more. I fall in love quickly, but no one ever falls in love with me and it's always over after two months at the latest. Sometimes it feels like my heart breaks a little more each time, but I don't show it.

"We are that nasty. A little bump in the road here and there doesn't hurt his ego."

"If he always has a new girl on each arm, it won't hurt him too much anyway."

Philipp raises his eyebrows in amusement. "I think so too. We're not causing him any long-lasting damage, just clipping his wings a bit. And if I'm reading this right, you're exactly his type."

I smile with him. Yes, I can certainly be exactly his type, on the face of it, but nothing more. I can play with him, I just can't fall in love with him, that would be stupid. Because we all know I'm not what Mathéo is looking for. But honestly, if he's as much of an ass as everyone says he is, then there's probably not that much danger for my heart anyway. At least I hope so.

***

He takes over the room without really trying. His presence is overwhelming, I can't look away, he catches my eye and I'm lost. He is the male counterpart to Nika, only she doesn't want the attention. He is above that. Literally.

He’s somewhere around 6’5” or 6’6”. His gaze wanders over the other wedding guests, but he doesn't look directly at anyone. I can't look away; he pulls me in like a magnet. Mathéo Gaillard is an exceptionally attractive man. His short black curls and dark stubble form a fascinating contrast to his pale skin and piercing blue eyes. Fuck!

My first impulse is to look away, but I can't. Mathéo's gaze holds mine and I am trapped in the endless depths of his sky blues. A strange feeling washes over me and I try to push it away, but it gets stronger the longer we look into each other's eyes. What I thought was arrogance two minutes ago is... not gone, but... it doesn't feel like arrogance anymore. More like... no, that's bullshit, it can’t be... but it feels like... curiosity. With a hint of... uncertainty. He drops his gaze for just a moment, then looks back at me. Briefly he raises his glass and when I toast him back, he disappears into the crowd. I stand still, mostly confused, but one thing is crystal clear. I have to dance with him. I have to.