Page 11 of Bluebird
Adrien
We’ve seen each other two more times after our dinner at the pizza place and I had the feeling that things were getting more relaxed between Philipp and me. But we didn’t find time to meet in the last few weeks. Nika and he had gigs over the weekends and then élias and Nika were invited to Nika's parents' house. And to be honest, I didn't have the balls to ask élias for Philipp's number. I don't think he would meet up with me alone and I don't want to pressure him. I just hope he doesn't meet someone else who he suddenly thinks is really great and is done with me then.
But today is the day and I'm super excited. We're meeting in Strasbourg at the Christmas market. We'll drink mulled wine and eat something and then we'll see where else the night takes us. Maybe to our favorite pub.
élias said that Nika is going bring Philipp with her after practice and the three of them will pick me up on their way into town. I'm terribly nervous because, even though Philipp is loosening up, I still had the feeling he's keeping me at arm’s length. But if Nika says I should hold on to him if my intentions are serious... she must know, right? Maybe I have a chance after all...
I shake my head and smile to myself. Three and a half months ago, I came to Strasbourg with the firm decision to not fall in love. Today I'm standing here with this exciting tingling in my stomach, and I can hardly wait to see Philipp again.
***
It's not that far from my apartment to the city, but it's really fucking cold today and by the time we get to the Christmas market, we're all pretty frozen.
"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I really need something hot to drink. First round's on me! What do you want?" élias chimes in and we both opt for the traditional mulled wine, Nika takes a non-alcoholic punch and Philipp a hot chocolate with cream.
"I need something without alcohol to warm me up first. I hope that's okay?" His question is reserved, almost ashamed.
"It's your decision whether you want to drink alcohol or not. Nika never drinks either."
"Okay..." Philipp looks at me shyly out of his big green eyes. He's not much shorter than me, maybe an inch, and yet when he looks up at me like that, he seems so small and fragile.
Philipp carefully takes a sip of his hot chocolate. They were really generous with the whipped cream. He has so much of it in his cup he doesn't really know how to drink without having it literally everywhere. After the first sip, he licks a thick beard of cream off his upper lip, and after the second sip, a little bit is left on his nose too.
While Philipp struggles with the cream on his upper lip, he doesn't seem to have noticed the rest. It's so incredibly cute, I couldn’t have stopped myself from smiling even if my life had depended on it. Philipp turns away from me, his insecurity written all over his face, but I push myself right in front of him. Don't give up, Nika said, and I don't intend to.
"Hey, wait, let me help you, you didn’t get all of it."
With an almost panicked look, Philipp watches as I carefully remove the cream from the tip of his nose with my finger and lick my finger clean. "Mmm, that's delicious! I think that's what I want next!"
"Uh thanks... I didn't realize that there was... Sorry! Next time I'll be more careful when I drink, I promise!" Philipp stutters to himself in a shaky voice, his eyes firmly fixed on the ground.
"What are you apologizing for? Can happen to anyone! That was cute!"
He looks at me in complete disbelief and with his eyebrows furrowed. "I thought because this usually only happens to kids, maybe you're embarrassed or something... I can stand somewhere else until I've finished drinking... I..."
What the hell? How on earth did he come up with that idea? It's complete nonsense, but something tells me just telling him that isn't enough. "Wait here, I'll be right back! I promise!" Determined, I go back to the stand and get myself a hot chocolate with cream, too. "Now let's see if it’s even possible to drink this without getting cream all over you." Philipp looks like he's seen an alien.
It's not. You can't drink this hot chocolate without making a mess of yourself. I don't know how, but the cream is not only on my upper lip, but also on both of my cheeks. "How do I look?"
And if it wasn't worth it, I don't know what was. Two green eyes light up at me and a cautious smile plays around Philipp's mouth. "Uh... good, if you ask me. Maybe a little sweet around the cheeks. May I?" Hesitantly, he approaches my cheek with his index finger, and I nod in confirmation. So very gently he takes the cream with his fingertip and then pushes his finger into his mouth with a mischievous grin.
Oh my God, I’d love to kiss him right now... but I don't. I can hold back; it would be too soon. Philipp is just loosening up a bit. I have the feeling he's comfortable and I definitely don't want to risk that.
After we've finished our drinks, we stroll around the Christmas market. There are so many stands here with so many different things for sale. Christmas tree decorations, candles, nativity scenes, sweets, jewelry, handmade soaps and so much more.
élias and Nika walk ahead hand in hand. It's pretty crowded and Philipp and I are pushed apart over and over again. It makes him nervous to be alone, I can see his searching look, he's afraid of losing us.
The evening has been so relaxed so far, I want to keep it that way. Cautiously I hold out my palm to Philipp. I've never held hands in public before, never been out for everyone to see. And to be honest, the thought alone makes me terribly nervous, it already feels like everyone is looking at me. I try to focus on Philipp and his dark green eyes, in which I see the same uncertainty as in mine. A brief smile twitches up the corners of his mouth, then he carefully places his hand in mine.