Page 45 of Bluebird

Philipp

"You do know that this is a tent, right?" élias grins knowingly at us and I can feel myself blushing. Adrien scratches the back of his neck and smiles sheepishly putting his other arm around my shoulder and pulling me close.

"Don't let him tease you!" Nika comes out from behind her car. "That's happened to us too."

"Nika?!" élias looks at his girlfriend, stunned.

"élias?!" Nika laughs back.

“Why are you telling them?"

"So that Philipp doesn't feel quite so bad."

I didn't feel bad, just a little embarrassed. But I blush so easily, it always looks more dramatic than it actually is. The hardship of being pale. To be honest, I still feel like I'm floating, my grin stapled in place.

"Are you two ready for action now? You can help us pack up. We have to be off the site in an hour!"

The four of us empty the pitch in record time.

"I'll quickly take the car off the campsite, then we can have breakfast together before we leave. Do you want to keep me company, Philipp?" Knowing that she wants to talk, I let myself slide onto the passenger seat.

Nika wastes no time, as soon as the door is closed, she turns to me. "Are you alright?"

"That's your most pressing question?" I laugh, finding it hard to believe that's the only thing she's interested in.

"No, but the most important one."

I can answer that without thinking – and not just to put her at ease, but because I really feel that way. "I don't know if I've ever felt this good. Probably as a child, but that was so long ago. Thank you, Nika." I reach for her hand on the gearshift and give it a firm squeeze.

"For what? I didn't do anything. You sorted out your shit yourselves." If only she knew.

"You brought us here, you gave us a speech and... I did it. I was brave, we talked and he's still here." Grinning and blushing I hide my face in my palms.

"Are you official now? Can I spread the word?" Nika's voice is excited.

"Yes, we are, but who are you going to tell?" I laugh. As if anyone would be interested.

"Joshua and I have a bet. I said you'd be together after the vacation. Joshua said you, I quote ‘won’t get your head out of your ass'. I won." Nika grins all over her face and her blue-gray eyes flash.

"What did you win?"

"The next solo performance is ours and I get to choose the music for the choreography."

That's huge. "Well, I'm glad I played into your cards."

"Nah," Nika shakes her head "I knew you would do it. You're perfect together. And seriously now, how do you feel when you're... intimate?"

"This morning was the first time."

"So?"

"I was so scared that my ex would get back into my head, especially when... when Adrien took over. But everything was quiet, just Adrien and me. He said I could always ask him to stop, anytime, and I believed him. He let me look at him and he looked me in the eyes. I was allowed to kiss him and he kissed me back. I was allowed to touch him, Nika. I... I came first. And then we lay together afterwards. Adrien cleaned me up like I was important."

"You're important, Philipp." My chest tightens and I can feel my eyes getting moist. For the first time since my ex, I can believe those words.

***

I'm sitting behind Adrien on the beach, and I should actually be applying sunscreen to his back. Instead, I'm tracing the endless lines of his tattoo with my fingers.

I gently kiss Adrien's hairline and run my fingers through his short hair. It's thick and full and almost feels a little bristly. I could stroke through his hair all day.

"Do you want to talk?" I ask him. I appreciate that everyone cares about me, takes me into consideration, I really do. But Adrien's feelings are just as important, so I ask.

"I was so nervous this morning, especially at the beginning, I was so scared that I would trigger something. Especially because I... I just rolled on top of you, that was quite a power move." He is right, it was. And yet I didn't feel powerless or inferior. He always sought eye contact, was always with me.

"You’re right. I was waiting for his voice too. But... it never felt like you were just taking something... taking me. The whole time it felt like you were... Oh my God, this is going to sound really stupid..." I bury my face in his neck and I'm glad he can't see me. "It felt like we were... sharing something."

Adrien raises his arms and reaches back around my head to hold me close. "And that was good?"

"I've never felt better. I... um... are we doing this again?" The words have barely left my mouth when I bite my lips. Oh my God, did I really say that? How did that happen? That's not me! Or... is it? And I just don't know myself like this? Because I was never allowed to be like this?

Fortunately, I never have to wait long for a reaction from Adrien. He knows that makes me feel insecure. This time it's a laugh that bursts out of him from deep inside his belly. He releases his hands turning around and pulling me onto our blanket with him. "I think I've created a monster." Then he kisses me like there's nothing better in the world for him than my lips on his.

***

We've tried out a lot in the last few days and I don't think Adrien was wrong about the monster. I can't get enough of him. The way his body reacts to my every touch, the way he squirms and swears when I stop just before he comes, the way he lets himself fall.

95% of the time I really have no idea what I'm doing, but he's never annoyed, rather the opposite. Every minute that I take longer to make him come is one more minute of pleasure for him, not wasted time. I have control and power over his body, and I feel like I can't do anything wrong.

When I play with my tongue on the little frenulum between his foreskin and glans, it drives him crazy, but nothing has ever topped his reaction like when I played at his hole with my finger. Without a word, he threw a bottle of lube at me.

I'm not ready for this yet. I love trying out what I can do to him, but being touched still has limits, one to be exact. Just the idea that someone could penetrate me with anything brings me back to the pain I had to endure almost daily for over three years. That's not to say I'm not curious when I see how much fun Adrien has when I play with him. But it's definitely still too soon for me.

Since my ex never touched me, everything else is new and exciting for me. When Adrien licks my nipples, it sends shivers down my spine and when he takes my cock firmly in his hand, I see stars. But I'm lost when he blows me, takes me deep in his mouth and sucks me hard. I explode like a firework. Still, the best thing for me is when we lie together afterwards, remove the evidence of our pleasure and then fall asleep snuggled up together. The certainty that there is so much more between us than just a quick release, so much more than sex.