Page 47 of Bluebird
Philipp
"Why don't you want to have sex with me?"
"What makes you think I don’t?" Adrien looks at me with wide eyes.
"You never go further or take the next step..."
"Because I don't know if you're okay with it."
I lower my head. He has a point. I've been asking myself this question since we got together three months ago. "I don't know either. I have... oh God this sounds so ridiculous but, I'm scared. All I associate with sex is pain and feeling powerless. It took me so long to get into the stuff we do now, to enjoy it. I'm scared to lose what we have, worried that all of my shit will come back."
Adrien takes me in his arms. "I'd love to sleep with you, but not for that price, okay? I have an idea for you to think about though. Would it be easier for you if you topped?"
I never thought about that, I never thought that was an option. My ex said people are only one or the other and I was always a bottom. I always had to be.
"LET ME FUCK YOU! YOU'RE NO GOOD FOR ANYTHING ELSE!"
"But... I can't do that... I mean, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do." A tinge of panic rolls over me... and something else I can't grasp yet... nerves? Excitement?
"That wasn't my question. Do you think you would feel safer?"
"What if I don't know what to do? I'm probably terribly bad and you never want to have sex with me again and then you find someone else and..."
An index finger rests gently on my mouth. "Shhh. No matter what you do, it will always be good because it's with you. Besides, we can just fool around a bit and see what we both like."
"I... would you do that? You're a top."
Adrien looks at me in confusion and then shakes his head. "No, I'm vers, I like both. It's your choice." His hand gently strokes my back and I relax. I lean my head against his shoulder, feeling his touch all over my body. Adrien's hand grips my cock, which is just getting hard. With slow but firm strokes, he brings me to full mast in record time. His tight grip is exactly what I need and the idea that it could be his ass does something to me. Something good.
"I think I want this...in you. Can I?" The thought alone sends a tingling sensation through my body.
"You don't have to decide right now, we have all the time..."
"I want this. Please don't question me, don't make me think. And stop jerking or I'll come in under a minute!" My voice is raspy and shaky, and I can't hold back the moan. It feels so good. But I feel strong and brave right now. I don't know where these feelings are coming from and I want to take advantage of them before they disappear again.
"How do we do it with prep? Should I do it myself, or do you want to?" Shit, prep, of course. I suddenly feel terribly stupid because I'm not sure what to do. I have an idea, I've played with his ass before, I know what Adrien likes, but only that. If I don't do it right, I'll hurt him, a lot. I know that and I don't want that. I could never forgive myself that.
"You're panicking. I can see it in your face. Do you want to watch me? Then you'll know what to do next time?" Adrien's voice is gentle and understanding, I can't hear any hidden reproach or insult.
"YOU REALLY DON'T HAVE A CLUE ABOUT ANYTHING! YOU REALLY ARE THAT USELESS, YOUR ASSHOLE ASIDE!”
No. He doesn't sound like that. Adrien is not him.
"Yeah, okay...". I swallow hard and nod. We're doing this and I want this. Fuck, and I'm so nervous.
Adrien grabs the lube and puts some on his fingers. Then he sits down on his knees and brings his hand to his hole from behind. I can't see what he's doing, but his eyelids flutter and close.
"Turn around, I want to see you." My words are out before I even realize what I've said. Fuck... I press my hand to my mouth and hunch my shoulders.
But Adrien opens his eyes and grins. "Oh yeah, baby, nothing better than that." I can hear his excitement as he speaks. He turns around and leans forward on his left elbow. Two fingers of his right hand are knuckle-deep in his ass and now he's adding a third. Fuck...that's hot. I want to touch him. I don't have to ask, I know I can. I slowly kneel down between his legs. With my left hand I grab his hip, with my right I take his cock and start stroking it in a freakingly slow pace. Adrien drops his head and moans. His fingers move in and out, scissoring. I know he's into it, but I want him to squirm, to beg for more because of me.
I’m confused about my own thoughts but a feeling of control and power overtakes me and I don't want to give it up. I reach for the lube with my left hand and click it open. Adrien turns to me at the sound, rolling his eyes, when he sees, that I’m getting my fingers wet. "Oh God, yes, please." More a pressed rumble than actual words.
He pulls his fingers out and his hole invites me in, soft and open. I slide two fingers inside him, moving them rhythmically downwards in search of his prostate. Suddenly a violent twitch runs through Adrien's body and he moans loudly. "Ah, fuck! Right there! Don't stop! Ah... so good! I'm ready, give me your cock! I need your cock! Now! FUCK!" Adrien squirms and begs, just like I want him to. I have him where I want him. Me. I'm making it good for him. Me. Wordlessly, he holds out the condom to me. I let go of his cock and pull my fingers out. Adrien's whimpers are almost pitiful, but he waits patiently.
The condom is not my friend, and I feel like it takes forever, but as I position myself in front of his hole and slowly slide in, I feel good. I'm not afraid. Adrien pushes against me; obviously I’m going too slow for his liking. My hands run over the tattooed skin on his back. "Don't be so impatient, my love. You'll get what you want, but at my pace."
A frustrated groan slips out of his mouth and I can’t stop my grin. "You need me that badly?" My voice is soft, but I don't know where my words are coming from. Oh my God, I should be embarrassed, but I'm not. I'm in control, I call the shots, but my power doesn't come with pain, it comes with love and pleasure. I feel stronger in that moment than I have in a very long time, probably ever.
I find a slow rhythm with strong thrusts that Adrien likes and I like it too, but I want him closer. More skin to skin. "Come to me, baby. Close." I reach around his chest and pull Adrien up so he's kneeling, his back against my chest, my head on his shoulder. He turns to the side and our lips find each other.
While I was with my ex, I once saw this position in a porn. I always wished he would do that with me, pull me close and hold me. The closeness and intimacy I imagined was something I wanted so badly back then. But he never did it.
Today I make the decisions. Adrien is pressed close to me leaning against my chest, falling into my touch and giving himself to me. He's all mine in this moment. My thrusts become faster and deeper and Adrien responds immediately. "Ah... yes... more... harder... give me more..." His cock is rock hard as I grab it and jerk him off in the same rhythm.
I can feel the tension building up in Adrien's body. "I'm coming!" The last word is lost in a loud deep scream, his hole gets tight, holding me in a firm grip and he squirts all over the bedsheets. Fuck, that was hot, I... "Shit, oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming! I..."