Page 96 of Oleander

Gideon home yet?

Caspien:

He’s due back tonight. About 10.

Me:

I’m just leaving school now. I’ll be there in an hour

This time, when I asked Luke to drop me straight at Deveraux, he opened his mouth to say something, and closed it, his eyes skipping very briefly from the road to me.

Finally, he said, “You and Cas are getting on pretty well these days, huh?”

There was a small flurry of panic in my chest, a manic beating of tiny wings. Luke’s face was easy, relaxed; nothing unkind or suspicious in it. Merely curiosity.

“Yeah,” I said. “He’s alright, I suppose.”

Luke smiled, that same warm upturn of his mouth he always gave me when I did something that impressed him.

The door to the library had barely closed before Caspien had me pushed back against one of the wooden shelves and was kissing me hard. I dropped my bag on the floor and dug my hands into his hair. He scraped his teeth over my lip, bit and gnawed at my jaw and sucked what I felt would be a bruise into my neck.

“Did you miss me?” I asked.

“I told you,” he said against my skin. “I was bored.”

“You must have been really bored,” I panted.

“Extremely,” he said, kissing a path across my throat. He slid his hand over me, making an appreciative noise when he felt how hard I was. “Is this for me?”

“Of course it is.” The noise was building in my head, building to that place where it would turn white and loud. Pleasure sparked out everywhere, a million little firestorms all over my body.

“Did you think about this today?” he asked between sweet kisses.

“All day,” I managed.

He went to his knees, and I could do nothing but endure the inferno as it consumed me.

As distracting as he was, he was also an exceptional study partner. He posed interesting questions, reviewed texts from viewpoints I’d never have considered, and made fascinating arguments. He had a way of looking at the world that always brought everything into sharp, lucid focus. I was mesmerised. Spellbound. And by the end of that week, I had never been more in love with him.

I’d catch myself gaping in wonder at something he’d say or how quickly he’d be able to define the meaning of some overly wordy passage or poem and have to force my features into something more subdued. Less enthralled. His brain fascinated me. As much as every other part of him fascinated me.

He was then the smartest person I’d ever met. I thought of the boys I sat with at lunch talking about girls, sports, and video games, and I couldn’t understand how he could possibly be the same age.

Each day that week, Luke dropped me off at the big house after school, where Caspien and I would use our mouths and hands on each other first before committing solidly to studying.

It worked.

I’d never been more focused on revision, felt more prepared for an exam, or enjoyed schoolwork as much as I did that perfect week in April.

As we drew closer to the end of the week and his leaving me, a buzzing began under my skin and between my bones. Ayawning pull that only made me more desperate for him, so I grew rougher with him.

On the Saturday before he left, I noticed two round symmetrical bruises on his hip bones where I’d dug my thumbs in too hard as I’d taken him in my mouth. The day before, I’d bitten his lip so forcefully it had bled onto my tongue.

He didn’t seem to mind these little stamps of desire, but they scared me. The ferociousness with which I needed him and with which I couldn’t bear to part with him, terrified me. I barely slept the night before he left for Switzerland.

The car was picking him up at eleven on Saturday morning, and he’d agreed to meet me at the birdwatcher hut at eight. I’d gotten up early and pulled on shorts and a T-shirt, telling Luke and Beth I was going for a run. And I had run. All the way across the estate to the hut, so I was dripping with sweat by the time I got there.

This time, he was waiting for me, perched on the bench with his knee propped up as he scrolled his phone. He took one look at me – I held my breath, certain he’d refuse to touch me given the sweating, dripping state I was in – but a feral sort of look came into his eye, and he lunged at me.