Page 34 of Oleander

But then, we barely knew each other, not beyond this weird tenuous acquaintance we’d been forced to cultivate. He didn’t like me; that much was obvious. He also thought I was several social and intellectual levels beneath him. So, of course, he thought I was a homophobe too. I didn’t think I was. I didn’t know any gay people, except for maybe Charlie Eastman, but I didn’t even know if he was gay. It was just something people at school said about him. Actually, I hadn’t seen him this term. The thought hit me like a bucket of ice water. “Was that why you left school?”

“What?”

“Because you’re gay?” I asked. “Did people at your old school have a problem with it? Is that why you never went back?” The thought of him being bullied over it made me surprisingly angry. He had a vicious tongue and the quickest brain of anyone I’d ever met, so verbally, I knew he could stand his ground, but physically? I drew my eye over his neat frame. He was lean andsoft-looking. Delicate in ways boys weren’t. He could be an easy target. For an idiot.

“Boarding schools are really nothing like your comprehensive cattle farms. You’d be surprised at how many boys like to stick their cocks into the holes of other boys and call it recreational fun. It’s basically a rite of passage at boarding school.”

An assortment of images I didn’t ask for and didn’t want flooded my head, hot, melting heat filling my gut.

I swallowed. Caspien looked amused.

“So you’ve...done stuff with other boys? At school?”

He shrugged. “It’s really not a big deal.”

Not a big deal. It wasn’t right, I think I knew then that it wasn’t right – a child shouldn’t be so casual and forward about things like this – but Caspien wasn’t like any child I knew. He didn’t speak like one or act like one, and when I was around him I found myself drunk on his worldliness. Intoxicated by the things he might be able to show me or teach me that no one else could.

“But not with the person you saw at the house. I’ve never let him inside, even if I’ve wanted to sometimes. Many times.” He let out a low, breathy noise very similar to the one I’d heard him make on the phone. “It feels like nothing else on earth, you know. Completely overwhelming, like you might die. But then you don’t, and it’s...well...it’s very good.”

I wanted to yell at him to shut up. I wanted to say that this was all wrong and that I didn’t care what went on in boarding schools in Switzerland or wherever, but here in England, what he was saying and doing was illegal because he was a child, and I wanted no part of it.

But then his voice changed completely. He went from sounding dreamy and breathless to sounding uncertain and a little afraid.

“You won’t tell anyone, will you? About him. Really, nothing has happened, I swear.” When I said nothing, his eyes darkened a fraction. “If you do, I’ll only deny it and make up something awful about you. Who do you think they’ll believe?”

“You’re probably the most horrible person I’ve ever met.”

“You live on an island with a population of one hundred thousand. You’ve barely met anyone.”

“Oh, it will take a lot to beat you.”

“A compliment?” He smirked. “You really are smitten with me...”

I glowered at him.

“Boys, do you want some hot chocolate before bed?” Luke yelled up at us from the bottom of the stairs. I got up, walked over to the bedroom door, and cracked it open.

“We’d love some, Luke, thanks!”

“You got it!”

I closed the door and turned to face Caspien. “I’ll keep your dirty secret for you,” I told him.

His face broke into a relieved smile that lit his eyes and softened his pink mouth.

“On one condition.”

He stiffened, face turning to stone.

“You don’t see him anymore. You won’t talk to him on the phone or text him or whatever else you do with him. It stops. All of it. Or I’ll tell Luke, and trust me, he will believe me.”

He looked faintly shocked, like I’d surprised him. He thought about this a moment, then gritted out through his teeth: “Fine.”

He flopped back on my bed, pulling out his phone to begin typing. “I suppose your stupid friend Georgia could entertain me for a little while. You know, until I’m legally allowed to fuck whomever I want.”

I reached out to snatch the phone from him. He was faster, pulling it out of reach instantly.

“Don’t do that,” I fumed.