Page 72 of Oleander

“Is that so.” I thought about this. Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I’d miscalculated, abysmally. But I really didn’t think I had. His reaction was already moons away from how he’d reacted to my previous guess. I could hear how quick his breaths came. “Guess it won’t mean anything if I send him a message then. You know, just to confirm that I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m sure his email address is here on his company website…”

“What is it you want, Jude?” he hissed.

At that moment, there was only one thing I wanted, and I wasn’t about to pretend otherwise.

“When are you coming home?” I said.

He was quiet for a long time. If not for the quick flutter of his breaths, I’d have thought he was gone.

He said, “Where are you?”

“At home.”

“In your room?”

I didn’t understand. “Yes, why?”

Caspien said, “Put your camera on.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

I hesitated a moment before I pulled the phone from my ear. Before I switched mine on, he turned on his own. My heart did a lurch in my chest when I saw him. He was dimly lit and beautiful and fresh from a shower. His hair was wet and pushed back from his face, his skin damp and glittering. I hit the button to turn on my own and shrunk a little from the deadly weight of his glare.

“Well, are you happy now?” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” He ran his tongue over his lip. My eyes traced the movement. “To see me.”

“Wh—what are you talking about?”

He rolled his eyes. “I truly thought my leaving would help you figure out what it was you wanted, but evidently, you’re still behaving like a child.”

“I’m not a bloody child,” I pouted.

“No,” he said, and his eyes gleamed with something. “No, you’re not anymore, are you? How was your journey into manhood? Was it all you hoped it would be?” His smirk was callous and a little sly. “Did you hear angels singing when you slipped it inside? Some say it’s quite profound.”

My entire head seemed to catch fire, burning bright and loud, a beacon of shame and embarrassment. It had been too much to hope that my memory of telling him I was going to lose my virginity on my drunk phone call was questionable. I’d hoped I hadn’t said it. Hoped my mind had been only showing me the most embarrassing possibilities so that the truth would be more manageable.

I was too humiliated to answer, so he went on.

“You know, some also say that one hole is very much like the other. Merely a warm wet place to stick your cock.”

I didn’t even need to wonder where and how he’d learned to speak like this. I already knew. And I hated Xavier Blackwell more than the driver who’d killed my parents at that moment.

I gritted out, “Well, if that’s what he says to you, then I feel sorry for you.”

A strange look crossed Cas’s face.

“And you told her you loved her, I suppose?”

Something in my face betrayed me, and of course, he pounced. “Oh, my god. You actually did. Jesus Christ.”

“Look, you don’t know anything, okay? We’re—”

“Oh, for fuck sake, Jude, stop lying to yourself, and me, it’s bloody exhausting.” Caspien’s voice was sharp as a blade. “How many times have you gotten off to the thought of what we did in my mother’s bedroom?”