Page 45 of Oleander

Twelve

Of course, Ellie was right to be pissed with me for ignoring her all night, and since I’d also kissed someone else (a boy), I didn’t blame her. But I also hadn’t done much grovelling either. And that, I soon learned, was what had been expected of me. It was Georgia who gave me that lesson at the meeting for the Halloween ball the following afternoon.

“You should buy her something,” she said quietly beside me.

“Huh?” The group were discussing what sort of music there should be; one of the girls had an uncle who did weddings. Another had a brother who was in a covers band. I couldn’t be arsed either way but cast my vote for the covers band with a raise of my hand.

“Buy her a gift. To apologise,” Georgia said.

“I already apologised.”

This earned me a look. “She likes you a lot, you know.”

“Yeah, I like her too.”

“No, Jude, like...a lot, a lot. Christ, boys are so...clueless.”

She wasn’t wrong. I was clueless. Alfie was clueless.

Caspien wasn’t, though. He was a boy who had a lot of clues.

And my mind was back on him again, where it had been most of the day. And yesterday. I’d lain awake most of the night thinking about it. Looking at his Instagram.

Had he liked me kissing him? Had he spent the last two days thinking about it in minute detail as I had? Unlikely, since he’d kissed boys before and men too, it wasn’t a particularly big deal for him. Maybe that was why he left his school in Switzerland because he’d kissed them all. That particular thought made something blister on the inside of my gut.

No. He hadn’t spent a single second thinking about it. He’d probably picked up the phone, called his pervert, and had a good old laugh about how terrible a kisser I was. I forced my attention back to Georgia and her advice on how to get Ellie to stop being pissed at me.

“So, what should I buy her?” I asked, turning to Georgia.

After clearing it with Beth, I invited Ellie over on Thursday evening. On Wednesday after school, I’d gone into town with Josh to pick up the ‘apology gift’. Alfie had football and couldn’t come, so Josh and I wandered into the make-up store with a screenshot Georgia sent me, a hefty percentage of my pocket money, and a look of extreme bewilderment on our faces.

Men, and most certainly boys, didn’t belong in places like these. The mirrors and display cases made me think of those rooms at the carnival, and the number of attractive girls eyeing us curiously was overwhelming.

In the end, I showed my screenshot to a supermodel wearing a lot of make-up – who smiled at me like I was a stray kitten who’d wandered in – and went off to pick it out for me.

Josh and I stood still and tried not to touch anything.

It cost almost a hundred pounds for a small bag that weighed close to nothing. I was certain there was nothing in it. But itwas gift-wrapped so nicely that I didn’t want to open and ruin it to check. The receipt listed mascara, lip tint, and highlighter, which I assumed were very expensive.

“Hey, what if she thinks you’re saying she needs make-up,” Josh said as we walked back towards school where Luke was picking us up.

“She won’t; she’s not like that,” I said. At least, I didn’t think she was.

I didn’t give it too much thought because most of my brain was wondering why on earth I was buying Ellie a gift to apologise for something when I’d done something far worse.

The rest of my brain was still thinking about that far worse thing.

I’d started to wonder if maybe I’d imagined it after drinking that glass of champagne. If maybe it had all been some strange drunken dream born from the same place as the hard-on I’d got the night we’d messed around on my bed. Figments of an overactive teenage boy’s imagination.

The irony was that Caspien himself was the only person who could confirm whether it had happened or not. And I was avoiding him.

I was pretty sure I could avoid him forever with some careful strategising.

“Did Georgia pick these out then?” Ellie asked with a small, tempered smile. It was like she was holding back a bigger one.

It was Thursday night and we were facing each other on my bed. She’d torn open the top of the gift bag and was pulling the items out and inspecting them carefully one by one.

Was I supposed to deny it? Was it less of an apology since I hadn’t picked them out myself? I had no clue. She looked at me, and her mouth transformed from a smile into something softer.