Page 63 of Oleander

“‘msorry,” I said.

“You don’t have to be sorry,” she said, smiling fondly. “It’s your birthday.”

“Timezzit?”

“Uh, just before ten. Why don’t you sleep it off for a bit, and I’ll come wake you up before I go?”

I nodded, and the entire three-story house tilted on its foundations.

When I woke again, it was morning. Foul, grey light stabbing through the crack in the blinds. I felt a body pressed next to me and turned to find Ellie half-naked with an arm slung over me.

I felt every trace of alcohol left in my body evaporate instantly. Sobriety rushing at me like a steam train. I sat up immediately and looked down. I was only wearing boxers. I was also hard, painfully so. I glanced around the room for some evidence of what might have happened – did we…? Surely I wouldn’t have. Christ, surelyshewouldn’t have? Not when I was in that state.

If we had, were we careful?Be sensible, please. We’re trusting you.

Ellie’s red dress was nowhere to be seen, though her black shoes lay where she looked to have kicked them off by the foot of the bed. My mouth was sour and dry, my tongue coated with the hide of some dead animal.

A half-full bottle of water was by the bed, so I drained it and slipped out of bed, the room swivelling sickeningly. I looked for my phone to check the time: the house was deadly silent, and it felt early by the murky light I could see outside. My phone wasn’t by the bed or under it, so I tried to remember when I’d last seen it. Or used it.

In the ensuite, I emptied my bladder, painfully, given how bloody hard I was. The stream was a lurid amber colour and smelled like rotten fruit. I ran the tap and washed my face with cold water, then I looked at myself in the mirror, searching my eyes for some clue as to whether I was still a virgin or not. Surely, if I couldn’t remember doing it, then I wouldn’t have been able to? WhatcouldI remember doing?

I remembered the gifts. I remembered the pizza. I remembered playing pool, badly. Josh and Alfie and me singing. I remembered kissing Ellie upstairs on the living room couch.Why had she stayed? Finding some toothpaste under the sink, I rubbed some over my teeth to try and clear the taste of alcohol.

In the bedroom, Ellie was still sleeping. I sat down on the bed and stared at her, terror swimming in my mind and gut at the thought of having forced her or hurt her in some way. Surely, I wouldn’t, regardless of how incapacitated I was.

I thought about us being stupid and not using anything and the consequences of that. No, she was sensible. Smart. I knew she was. And if I’d hurt her, then surely she wouldn’t have gotten under the blankets and held me while I slept?

Reaching out, I gently shook her awake. She moaned softly before cracking open her eyes. I waited a beat for her to come more awake, for some expression to move into her eyes that I could try and decipher. She sat up, frowning. I couldn’t stop my eyes from dipping down at her exposed breasts. They were perfect. Nipples darker than I’d ever seen in any picture or in any film.

“You okay?” She reached out and brushed her hand over my shoulder and down my arm.

“How come you’re here?”

“I came up to wake you, to say I was leaving, and you threw up all over me.”

“Fuck,” I said, horrified. “I’m so sorry.”

“Alf wasn’t much better, and Josh was already asleep. I didn’t want to leave you in case you threw up in your sleep or something.”

“Did George go?”

“Yeah, she asked to stay, but her dad...”

I nodded in understanding. Georgia’s dad was terrifying.

“What about you? Your parents thought you were there? Aren’t they gonna know?”

She shrugged. “I’ll deal with it when I get home. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I felt such a rush of gratitude for her then that I almost burst into tears. Instead, I pulled her into a hug. Took a deep inhale of her hair.

“I’m sorry about your dress.”

“It’s fine,” she said, rubbing my back. “I probably wouldn’t have worn it again anyway.”

“It was really pretty though,” I said miserably.

She laughed softly. “Okay, I’ll buy another one.”