Page 146 of Oleander

I felt such a rush of betrayal and hatred for her that I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to look her in the face again.

“I think the baby changed things for us,” he went on, sadly. “I wanted the baby more than she did, and then when she had to go through that, I think she blamed me a little for it.”

“It wasn’t your fault. These things happen.”

“Yeah, I know. I think logically she knows that too, but we feel how we feel. We can’t logic our way out of feelings, you know?”

I thought it might be one of the most astute things he’d ever said.

“Does she know you’re telling me?”

He shrugged. “I told her I would be, as soon as you were home,” he said. “I didn’t want to do it over the phone. Not with your exams on.”

I sagged with gratitude.

“How come she’s still there,” I asked. “How can you even look at her?” I knew I was being extremely biased, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. I felt as betrayed as Luke did.

“I’ve been sleeping in your room,” he said. “Been on the couch the last few nights.”

“Christ, Luke.” I sighed and sat back, folding my arms. “Right, well, that’s not happening again; I’ll take the couch.” Nathan would be arriving on Monday anyway, so I could stay there.

“Don’t be stupid. It’s alright.” He reached out and squeezed my arm gently. “It’s not for much longer.”

“Actually, it works out okay because on Monday I’ve a friend coming over. He’s renting somewhere in Filquet, so I can stay there with him.” I wasn’t sure what tone I was using, but it was enough to prick Luke’s curiosity. His expression lightened a little, and a small smile peeked at the side of his mouth. I felt my cheeks and ears grow warm.

“A friend, is it?”

I tried to keep my face neutral. “Yeah, from Oxford.”

Luke nodded, still smiling.

“Okay, so he’s like a guy I’ve been sort of seeing.”

Luke’s eyes went wide, and he nodded again.

“Christ, okay, he was sort of my professor.”

This made him sit up straight, eyes darkening.

“I promise it wasn’t anything weird, okay maybe it’s a little weird, but he’s young, older than me but still young; he’s twenty-eight. He’s like a guest professor. They have these slots each academic year where they invite people in to teach certain subjects. Last year, we had that historian from the telly in; she does all those shows about the Tudors. Well, he was like that. So not like a real professor.”

I was rambling. Luke was still frowning.

“I swear, Luke, he’s great. He is. And he’s not teaching there this year. He’s going back to New York in September. But we’ve been careful, and he’s really great; I promise he’s not like some weirdo pervert or anything,” I explained.

Luke considered all this for an uncomfortably long time before he said, “So, what happens then? In September? He’s just buggering off back to America and leaving you?”

I had not prepared for this line of questioning, so I had nothing right away. I stammered a little before saying, “I’ll visit.”

Nathan and I hadn’t discussed anything of the sort. Which only then struck me as a little odd. Had we both already defined this as some sort of summer fling? Was that what I wanted it to be? I’d not thought beyond this point with him. Maybe that’s why it had been going as well as it had.

“Hmmm.” The noise was Luke’s trademark sign of disapproval, and my heart sank a little. “Well, I’m not sure about all this guest professor stuff, seems like a professor is a professor and a student is a student and so he should have known better if you ask me.”

I was immediately on the attack.

“Oh, for fuck sake, Luke, I’m a bloody adult. It’s not like I’m Cas shagging a thirty-two-year-old lawyer when I was fifteen.”

Luke’s back went ramrod straight. “What?”