Page 112 of Oleander

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” I scratched the back of my neck, mortified. Had a brace really changed his face that much?

“I’ve seen you a few times now and kept wondering if I should say hello,” Finlay said, shifting a little on his feet.

“You should have.” I gave him a friendly smile. “So, what have you been up to?”Have you seen him?Is what I really wanted to ask.

“Christ, it’s been wild since Cas’s birthday.”

And it had by the sound of it. He told me how he’d spent last spring and summer in Namibia helping to build a school. How he’d been held at gunpoint. How he’d caught some African digestive disease and almost died. It had changed him a bit, he said. I could only nod, impressed, mainly since I’d done nothing but sit home and cry for the last year.

He was far more personable than I remembered him. Truthfully, I barely remembered him at all. But then, Caspienhad been in the room the last time I’d seen Finn, and I understood now how I’d rarely noticed anything else when he was in my line of sight.

Now, he looked good. Dark auburn hair, tall with broad swimmer’s shoulders, and whiskey-coloured eyes which at that moment sparkled with warmth.

“So, how you settling in? It’s a pretty cool place, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, good. I’m enjoying it so far.”

“What college?”

“Magdalen.”

He nodded. “Let me guess: English and Classics?”

“Is it that obvious?” I laughed.

“Ha, no. Once I have the college, I can usually work out the rest by looking. It’s actually like some weird party trick I have.”

“That go down well at parties here?”

“No, actually.” He laughed, and I joined in.

“Look, I’m actually on my way to an interview now.” I glanced at my phone. I was doing okay for time, but Cas’s name hadn’t come up yet, and I assumed the longer I hung around him, the more chances of that decreased, and I couldn’t think about him now, before an interview.

“Ah, cool, where?”

“Uh, Page & Plant on Cooke Street.”

“Oh, no way, I have a mate who works there, Abbie – Abigail. She’s like a dep manager or something.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “I can put a good word in for you if you like.” He looked like he was doing that already.

“Oh, right, cool. I guess it wouldn’t do any harm.”

“What’s your number?” he asked, still typing.

I rhymed it off, and a second later, my phone rang, vibrating in my palm.

“Cool, well now you have mine. We should grab a drink sometime?”

“Yeah, absolutely.” I’d already begun walking away, so I turned to say over my shoulder. “Give me a shout.”

I was offered the job at Page & Plant by the owner, Eddie; short, sharply dressed, and barely ever around. He had an assistant manager called Seve who ran the place and seemed to like me straight away, and Abbie who deputised for Seve when she wasn’t at Uni. It was a small trendy little ‘bistro with books’ at the end of Cooke Street, and they’d said they could be super flexible with hours – everyone except Seve was a student. I wasn’t sure if Finn had had anything to do with my getting the job, but the day after I got it, he’d texted to invite me out for a ‘congratulatory drink.’

I’d said no, mainly because I’d been trying to finish up a paper due that week, but also partly because I was afraid. Afraid of Finn knowing about Cas, probably. Of him knowing how stupid I’d been, of him confirming all the things about Caspien I should have known.

A part of me wondered if Finn might be able to offer some new perspective on things. I didn’t think he knew Cas well, but I thought he may still have had some unique insight that would help me make sense of things. Who Cas was. Why he’d done it. At the time, the whys of it all were more important than anything else.

I’d tried to talk to Gideon. I’d spent months after Cas left trying to get Gideon to help me understand. But Gideon seemed to want me to know only three things: how inevitable all of this was, how getting our hearts broken was intrinsic to building character, and how well Caspien was doing in Boston without me.

He was never cruel in his delivery of this imparted wisdom, but neither did he take any care to spare my feelings. (Oh, they’re spending Christmas in the Alps! They’ve gotten a cat! A Siberian Forest! Dreadfully fluffy! Did you see Xavier’s latest case? The actress who’s suing the film studio – apparently, it’s cut and dry. He’ll make millions from it.)