Page 174 of Oleander

I stared. “You knew? Youknow?”

“I know that love is a complex beast, violent and passionate, and that to give oneself over to it so completely is not without sacrifice.”

“Oh my fucking god, not now with this shit. What are you talking about?” I went towards him, black with fury. “This is Caspien! Cas! Your nephew, and you knew that Blackwell was…that he…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. “You knew?”

“After how deeply he hurt you, you cannot possibly tell me that you’re not somewhat satisfied that this is the bed he now lies in?”

It felt as though he’d punched me.

I shook my head, flabbergasted. “No. Of course I’m not satisfied. What is wrong with you? What the actualfuckis wrong with you?”

Though I was shouting now, my angry tone didn’t seem to perturb him in the slightest. He carried his port to the armchair and sat down, crossing his long legs.

“You know, when I first met you, I thought you would make such a perfect playmate for him. But I’m beginning to think that I miscalculated.”

I didn’t want to hear this. Not now. Gideon going off on another one of his philosophical tangents about love and heartbreak. I’d heard it all before. I dialled Cas’s number again.

“When I saw how you looked at him that first day at the house, I thought you’d be perfect for Cas to learn his lessonon. Bright-cheeked and wide-eyed; impossibly dazzled by him. Christ, I knew how you felt about him before you yourself even did. Caspien is almost impossible to resist, but you did, Jude, for far longer than most. For far longer than Xavier did.” At this he chuckled, some hollow mean little noise that seemed to come from his throat. Cas’s phone had most certainly been switched off by now.

I turned my full attention to Gideon.

“What are you talking about? You said you didn’t know about him and Xavier. The day I came to you, after he left, you told me you didn’t know they were together until you’d read his letter.”

Gideon sipped his port and gave me a complicated look. “You think Caspien left me a letter? Caspien would never explain himself to anyone, least of all to me. As soon as he was legal, old enough not to need my blessing, he left. But it was hardly a surprise. I could see it coming the moment they met. You see, studying the minds of men is something of a hobby for me. Xavier’s wasn’t too difficult to figure out. Besides, Caspien was very much his type. I simply put Caspien in his orbit and the inevitable happened, just as I knew it would.”

I gaped at him in horror a moment before the fury rushed back in.

“Caspien was a fucking child!” I spat. “You sat back and allowed him to be groomed and abused?”

“Oh, I think you’re being a little dramatic,” Gideon said, calm in the face of my storm. “Cas was sixteen. Xavier is handsome, rich, and adores him. He’s given him a wonderful life in Boston, you should see their apartment, his wardrobe, the car he drives. Caspien is fortified enough to survive a few disagreements in order to live the life he’s been given. In fact, thanks to my guidance, I’m certain he can survive just about anything. I think you need to give him a little more credit, Jude.”

There was a loud noise in my ears, and a heat in my blood I wasn’t sure I could control.

“Yourguidance?” I said, voice thin from rage. “Your guidance is the reason he’s in a relationship with a violent fucking predator.” I went to him, crowding over him. “Now tell me where he is before we find out how manydisagreementsyou’re able to survive, Gideon.”

For the first time, I saw some alarm in his eyes. Not for Cas though, of course not, but for himself. How fucking stupid I’d been. I’d allowed myself to be taken in by him, just as Cas had always warned. I’d allowed myself to be dazzled by a façade of eccentricity and flightiness. It was an act, all of it. He was septic; a pernicious, vindictive danger who should never have been allowed to look after a child.

“Where are they?” I said again, the warning clear in my voice.

“Xavier has a house in Holland Park,” he said, at last.

“I want the address.”

I ran to the end of Wilton Place and hailed another taxi. It took too long, and as the driver tried and failed to make conversation with me about all manner of nonsense, it was all I could do not to scream for him to shut up and drive faster. At some point between Belgravia and Earls Court, it began to rain, fat heavy droplets which battered the roof and windows of the taxi. I’d not worn a jacket, but it was the least of my worries as I shoved my card in the slot and bolted outside and down the street to number eighty-six.

It wasn’t as grand as Gideon’s, but Blackwell’s London house was a three-storey, opposite a park in central London, so even my outsider point of view knew it meant money.

I banged on the door and rang the bell a few times before I could hear movement behind the door.

Blackwell opened it, changed from what he’d worn at dinner into a crisp white T-shirt and dark sweatpants. He looked confused to see me for a moment, then angry. He was about to close the door in my face when I lunged, crashing into him full force, so we both went sprawling back into the hallway.

I’d never hit anyone before – or since – but when my fist collided with his face, I worried that I’d never be able to stop. The force knocked his head back on a tiled stone floor so hard I heard the impact. It shocked him into a daze, because he just lay there a moment while I hit him a few more times, my fist pummelling his face. When he gathered his wits, he tried to grab my arms, then when that failed, threw a punch into my side.

“I’ll fucking kill you!” I was saying over and over and over. “I’m going to fucking kill you for hurting him...I’ll fucking kill you!”

Just then, Cas appeared at the end of the hallway. His eyes were red-rimmed and his hair wild as he looked at me in horror. Worse than that though, was the confirmatory swelling over his right cheek and eye.

The momentary distraction was enough for Blackwell to shove me off and get himself to his feet. He began kicking me, though since he was barefoot, he used his heel to drive down into my abdomen and my legs. I barely felt it. Reaching out to hit his thighs and legs, all I heard was the sound of Cas shouting, screaming, at him to stop. He pulled and grabbed at Xavier, trying to force him off, but Blackwell was unhinged with fury.