Page 189 of Oleander

We stayed at Deveraux four days after the funeral before going back to London together. We’d meet with Gideon’s lawyer on Monday. (Xavier’s firm had been relieved shortly after our separation.) Luke and Elspeth would fly over on Sunday evening, and the four of us, plus Finn’s parents, would attend the reading.

I already knew what the will contained, so there would be no surprises for me. I knew Gideon had shown Jude part of it, but there was some other detail in there he would be hearing for the first time.

At the airport exit, I stood facing him unsure what to say. Jude seemed relaxed; he’d been chatty and smiling throughout the flight.

“So,” he said hesitantly. “About that date...”

Nothing had happened between us in Jersey. Nothing but lingering glances and the briefest of possibly accidental touches.Tell him you love him,Gideon’s voice had said each time there was a lull in our conversations over the simple dinners we’d made together in the kitchen – dinners which had reminded me of our blissfully domestic weeks in London.

But telling him I loved him seemed like another selfish thing to do, and so it had never felt like the right time.

“You still want to?” I asked, a strange flutter of panic spreading over me. Had he realised he didn’t? After all this time, this last week with me could very well have changed his mind. Now that Gideon was dead, no longer forcing us together, maybe he’d decided th—

“Of course,” Jude said grinning. “When are you free?”

Smiling, I pulled up the calendar on my phone. “We have a concert coming up, so there’s quite a lot of rehearsal.” I scanned the dates, heart-dropping when I saw when I was next free. “We’re rehearsing every night for the next three weeks.”

“What time does rehearsal finish?”

“Around nine, sometimes later. Our conductor is...Stalin-esque.”

He chuckled at this. “So, I’ll wait for you after rehearsal. If that isn’t too late?”

I shook my head. “No, it’s fine.”

“Cool. So how about tomorrow?”

“Okay, tomorrow then. We rehearse at the Barbican.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll wait outside for you.” He began to back off, smiling.

“Uh, there’s a car coming for me,” I said. “If you want a lift back into the city?”

“I actually like the Tube.” He winked at me and then turned, looking back to shout. “See you tomorrow!”

I waved stupidly. Butterflies swirling and swooping in my stomach.

The following night, he was waiting inside the foyer when I came out, chatting to the doorman whose name I didn’t know, though I’d been here almost a year. When he saw me, he stopped talking and smiled that bright beautiful smile at me. The one he’d always smiled at me.

I groaned as the butterflies kicked up again.

“Ready?” I asked him, hating how nervous my voice sounded.

“Yep,” Jude smiled. “Catch you later, Phil.”

“Phil?” I asked when we were outside.

“Yeah, he let me in to watch you for a bit.”

I glanced at him. “You watched?”

“Didn’t know you had a solo.”

“A small one.”

“You sounded fucking amazing, Cas.”

I cleared my throat, a little embarrassed by his sincerity. “Thank you.”