Page 168 of Oleander

The instant my mouth touched it he sat bolt upright, back arching so beautifully that I was momentarily distracted. Elegant lines and smooth golden skin scattered with little delicate freckles. He was gorgeous from every angle, the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, ever touched, and my lust swelled in my chest. He leaned forward again and took me into his mouth, but since I wanted this to last, I needed him not to. I slid myself out from under him and positioned myself behind, bending Cas over on all fours so he was facing the bottom of the bed, and took his hole to my mouth again.

“Jude,” he moaned, wanton and loose, pushing back into my mouth. “Jude, that feels...”

“Good?”

“Incredible, Christ, so bloody good. Don’t stop.”

I set about it again. Spreading him open with my hands as I fucked my tongue inside him, spearing that perfect tight heat over and over. By degrees, I felt him loosen and widen around my tongue, the small hot space opening like a hungry mouth. He shifted his head so he rested on his shoulder and then used his hand on himself frantically, gasping with pleasure beneath me.

I pulled back and sucked my finger into my mouth before pushing it inside him. The noise he made was filthy, depraved, and he arched his back deeper to push back onto it, fucking himself with it. My mind was utterly calm, utterly clear, and utterly focused on every breath of his pleasure. I wanted to make him crazy from lust, from need, from how much he wanted me. My cock was hard and leaking at the head as I pulled my finger out and ran it teasingly over his hole.

Cas whimpered. “I need you inside me, please Jude, please.”

I needed it, too. I pressed a kiss to the base of his spine and then both cheeks as I asked, “Do you have lube? Condoms?”

“There’s lotion next to the bed.”

There was. Some large medicinal-looking tub with a doctor’s prescription on the side. I pulled off the lid and thrust my fingers in. It was the consistency of soft wax; I scooped some up and rubbed it all around his opening before spreading the rest over the head of my cock. I knew we should use something, but since we hadn’t the night in Oxford, and since Nathan and I always had, and since Cas didn’t seem to care, it faded from my list of concerns as quickly as the thought entered my brain. I covered his body with my own, cocooning him under me, and reached out to settle my hand over his to intertwine our fingers, and then I pushed inside him. He took me easily, the strange waxy lotion making the slide smooth and easy. I pressed my mouth to his hair, his temple, and then to the space below his ear.

“Fuck, Cas.” I groaned.

He whined, delicious and soft, and then turned his head to find my mouth, kissing me with his own wide open, tongue desperately seeking mine.

“You’re...so...big,” he gasped. “I love it so much. I love how you feel inside me. Christ...Jude...”

“I know.” I kissed him. “Fuck, you were made for me, Cas, I swear you were. You feel so good. So perfect.” I kissed him again.

He made another soft whimpering noise, and then I was all the way in, pulsing against the tight space inside of him. I felt his heartbeat move with mine, and with the cadence of it in my ears and in my chest, I began to move. Slow at first, gentle at first, careful at first, but soon I couldn’t help myself. I sped up, fucking him rougher, quicker. I shifted, sitting back so that I was kneeling, and used my hips to thrust up and into him. This changed the angle of my dick inside him and it had a breath-taking effect, he let out a loose, throaty sound and sat up, usinghis good hand to stroke himself as he fucked himself down onto my dick.

It felt incredible. I wrapped an arm around his body and pulled him against my chest. Holding the base of his throat and his hip, I rutted up and into him even faster, deeper, until he was moaning and thrashing in my arms.

“Oh my god,” he gasped.

I moved my hand from his hip across to his dick, taking over where he was half stroking. It was burning hot and perfectly hard, and I began to jerk him off as I continued to thrust. The strangled noise from his throat told me he wouldn’t last much longer.

He came loudly a few moments later, over the bed sheets, as well as my hand before he forced my hand off his dick, sensitive now.

“Keep fucking me,” he said. “Don’t stop.”

“Cas, I’m going to...”

“Do it. Inside me, Jude, I want to feel you come inside me.”

The orgasm rose like an earthquake, shooting through me from the bottom up, rocking my entire body, before I exploded inside the warm grip of his body. Still coming down from his own, he milked me from the inside, soft clenches of his body around my dick so that it felt like it would never end.

After, I slipped out of him, along with a warm rush of come, and fell back onto the pillows. He didn’t do what I expected him to, which was go directly to the bathroom to find something to clean us with, instead moving to lie down next to me. He lay on his back at first before I reached out to stroke a finger down his side, then he turned to face me.

Bliss settled, warm as milk in my veins as I waited for the familiar melancholy to settle over me. But as I gazed into hiseyes, and as he smiled that small hesitant smile at me, I knew the feeling wouldn’t come this time.

“Well, that was...something,” he said, still smiling. It wasn’t a smile I’d ever seen on him before: almost shy. It made my chest ache.

I smiled back at him. “It really was.”

There was no warning before he did it; he just rose up and leaned over me, kissing me very gently on the mouth.

I knew the bliss couldn’t last. I knew I didn’t have him. That he couldn’t love me. But my mind and body didn’t care. So great and absolute was the pleasure I felt in that perfect moment. I wanted to bathe in it, in him, gorge myself so that when he left me, I would be able to sustain myself on it for the months and years to come.

Twenty-two