Page 44 of Oleander

Ellie barely spoke to me all day. She wasn’t downright pissed off with me, just distant and a little sad looking. It only added to the weight in my gut I’d been carrying around all day. Like butterflies, only heavier. I could barely eat lunch, convinced I was going to throw up from overthinking.

I checked my phone for a call or a message even though he didn’t have my number. Even if he did, I was certain he’d never call me. I didn’t even want to speak to him. I didn’t want to see him: that thought terrified me most of all. I felt lashed raw from the kiss, and I feared him like an open wound feared salt.

At lunch, they were asking for volunteers to help organise the Halloween ball for Year 9 and 10 after school the following afternoon. I said yes just so I had an excuse not to turn up to study night. Josh and Alfie had looked at me strangely. I never volunteered for anything, but then Alfie had shrugged and said he’d help out, too. Josh couldn’t, as he had rugby practice.

Ellie had given me a bewildered look, too, but said nothing else. Then, her and Georgia left the lunch table and wandered off with barely a goodbye.

The guys pounced on me immediately.

“You have a fight?”

“Did you break up?”

They asked at the same time.

Had we broken up? Since I went around kissing boys now, maybe that meant we had, but I wasn’t sure, so I shrugged.

“Come, on, Jude. Sort it out. If you guys break up there’s no chance for me and Georgia,” Alfie whined.

“Mate, there’s no chance for you and Georgia because you’re too shit scared to go for it,” Josh said without looking up from his plate. He’d covered his chips in cheese and tomato sauce as he always did before eating them very carefully, one by one, with his fingers.

“I’m gonna okay, Halloween Ball, it’s happening.”

“You said that before the Snow Ball last year,” I pointed out. “And the summer fling.”

Alfie looked at me, hurt. “Yeah, well, we can’t all have girls falling into our laps, mate.”

I frowned. “Hardly.

“Oh, come on? Ellie? Katy Phillips before she moved to Bristol. Abbie Driscoll.”

“Mackenzie Waller,” Josh supplied, shoving a chip in his mouth.

“Who?” I had no recollection of anyone called Mackenzie Waller.

“Oh, yeah!” Alfie’s eyes lit up at the reminder. “Mackenzie, she worked at the Beach Hut. She was obsessed with you.”

“If you say so,” I muttered, looking at my phone again for a text that was never going to appear.

“I do say so. They all take one look at you, and they’re like, ‘Oh, Jude...you’re so tall and nice. I love your freckles. Where’s Jude, Alfie? Is Jude on Snapchat, Alfie?’ His voice had gone high, and he batted his eyelashes at me.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“It’s not a bad impression, actually,” Josh supplied. “Abbie Driscoll did sound like that.”

As they both laughed, I stood from the table.

“Well, Georgie doesn’t like me like that, so you don’t really have that excuse, do you?” Then, for some stupid as shit reason, I said, “But I’d be quick because I’m pretty sure Caspien likes her.”

Alfie’s eyes bugged out of his head, face paling with genuine fear. “What?”

I shrugged. “He mentioned something about it.” A lie. He had mentioned her, though I was certain he didn’t like her. I was certain Caspien liked men. Older men. Perverts, specifically. But if it made Alfie get his finger out and if it meant they stopped focusing on me, then it wasn’t a horrible lie. A lie told for the right reasons.Like the ones you tell Ellie?

“He mentioned that he likes her?” Alfie scowled. “Seriously? Does she know?”

I shrugged again. “I don’t know. But girls are pretty good with this kind of thing.” I gave him a pointed look. “Okay, gotta go. Need to speak with Miss Ukede about my biology exam.”

I left them in the dining room. Alfie stared after me, his life with Georgia flashing before his eyes.