Page 171 of Oleander

Beside me, I felt Cas stiffen, before he sat down his fork and stared at his plate, making no move to get up and greet them.

It occurred to me then that we hadn’t showered. I still had him on me, he was still covered in me, and a delicious sense of satisfaction spread over me despite how awful this was.

I’d finished eating anyway so I slid out of the nook and stood to carry my plate to the sink. When I turned, Xavier was by Cas’s side, smoothing a hand over his hair even though Cas still wasn’t looking at him.

Frowning, I looked at Gideon.

“Jude, I’m so delighted you’re still here. I was just saying to Xavier that we should all go to dinner tonight at Isabel. It’s this fabulous restaurant in Mayfair. I’ll have Ken call them and reserve us a table. How is eight for you?”

I couldn’t think of anything worse. I thought about telling him that Isabel wasn’t as good since Jean-Georges had poached their chef, but I was too focused on Cas and how I couldn’t decide if it was my imagination or not, but it looked like he had ever so slightly leaned into Xavier’s touch. I made my excuses and left the three of them in the kitchen.

I stayed in my room the entire day, pacing, biting my nails, and reliving the last five days in excruciating, painful detail until I thought I might go crazy. I came out to find Gideon by the pool reading theFinancial Times.

“Where’s Cas?” I asked him.

“They’ve gone out,” he said before folding the paper and setting it down on the small metal outdoor table. He looked at me very intensely. “I expect they’ve a lot to talk about.”

It hadn’t rained yet, but the air felt muggy from the threat of it, thick and opaque. Resolutely ignoring his gaze, I sat down and pulled out my phone. I thought that I should text him and make sure he was okay.

“I’ve booked the table for tonight,” he said.

“Great,” I muttered without looking up.

It was several moments before he spoke again. “Jude, you know, after last time, I really did hope that you’d have been more careful with him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He let out a loud sigh. “He isn’t going to leave him; surely you know that.”

I froze.

Gideon uncrossed his legs and sat forward. “Caspien is a realist, Jude. He’s always been the same. He’s also extremely stubborn, and will never ever admit to having made a mistake. Even if that means a life of unhappiness.”

I pounced on that. “So he is unhappy? With Xavier?”

“Of course he is, but it hardly matters. He’s made his bed, and he’s far too prideful to consider getting up from it. He’s also far too smart to leave Xavier Blackwell on the promise of something as fleeting and pointless as happiness and childish notions of love.”

“That’s the most stupid thing I’ve ever bloody heard.” I scowled. “Everyone deserves to be happy, Gideon. Everyone.”

“And when were you last happy, young Jude?” Gideon cast a sad smile over me.

I stood.

“This morning,” I said and left him sitting there.

They came back about a half hour before we were due to leave for dinner. I’d been coming out of the bedroom as Cas passed to go to his own, Blackwell I could hear talking to Gideon in the living room.

I moved in front of him to block his path. “What the hell’s going on?” I whispered, urgently. He’d not responded to any of my messages.

He let me press him against the wall but glanced nervously toward the living room.

“Jude,” he shook his head.

“Did you know he was coming?”

He gave me a look. “Of course not.”

“Cas, I don’t know if I can do this, stay here and watch you with him.” I buried my face in his neck, and he let me, his body going soft under my touch. Recognisable, frantic lust raced up my spine.