Page 183 of Oleander

Ileft Gideon, drove the rental car to St. Helier, and found a bar as I contemplated what he’d told me.

I knew I shouldn’t believe it.

It would be easier not to; if I didn’t believe it, then nothing had changed. Cas still chose Xavier, the man who killed my parents was my mystery sponsor, and Gideon was still a conniving, insidious prick who was lying about this just like he lied about everything else. But if it was Cas, then it meant I didn’t know him. Not as I thought I did. He wasn’t the person I’d always believed him to be if he could do this.

But when I turned it over, examined it, it made more and more sense that it was Cas. Cas was the only person itcouldbe. I went back and forth between believing Gideon was a liar, and believing everything Cas had done for the last ten years had been for me.

A lightbulb moment had me go to my phone’s contacts and dial a number I hadn’t dialled in years. The receptionist answered with a cheerful greeting, polished and professional.

“Moreland and Wright, Kate speaking, how may I help you?”

“Hi, I’m an old client of Mr. Moreland’s. I had a question about a legal matter he dealt with for me a few years back.”

“Can I take your name, please? I’ll check if Mr Moreland’s available.”

“Jude Alcott,” I said and told her I didn’t mind waiting.

Moreland greeted me the way he always did. Apologetic and friendly. “You know I can’t give you a name, Mr. Alcott. I’d love to, but I can’t.”

“I know. But how about I give you one, and you tell me if I’m right?”

Moreland sighed.

“Caspien Deveraux,” I said. I could have sworn I heard his breathing change. The smallest, fraction of a hitch down the line. I’d given him a few names over the years, but never this one.

Finally, he said, “Mr. Alcott, we’ve discussed this, many times. I can’t disclose my client’s name to you without being in breach of the confidentiality clause contained therein. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” I hung up and ordered another drink.

I thought about going to Luke’s, putting it all to him to see how plausible he thought it was. But I knew he’d say it was Cas. Of course, it was. And I wasn’t ready to accept that.

So, several hours later, I called an Uber home, banging on the front door and ringing the bell until Jasper answered. “Oh, it’s you. I thought we were being fucking invaded or something.”

Ignoring him, I marched into the red sitting room and went immediately to the drinks cabinet. It wasn’t the horn of plenty it used to be in here, but I found a large bottle of sherry, dusty and forgotten, near the back, which I scooped out and uncorked.

I drank it from the bottle.

Jasper eyed me warily from the doorway.

“He was worried you flew back to London. But I told him your stuff was still in your room.” He folded his arms huffily. “You being like this isn’t good for his health you know.”

“I’ve no idea what you’re on about.” I fell back on the hard sofa and slid my legs up onto the glass coffee table.

“Drunk and disorderly. Shouting. Storming out and coming home at all hours of the night.”

I laughed at that. “Okay, mum.”

Scowling, he came into the room and perched on the arm of the sofa. “If you’re going to be such a moody fucking prick, can you just pack your shit and fuck off? Let the guy die in peace.”

“He wanted me here.”

“Yeah, I know, Jude. I’ve listened to him go on and on about you for months. Cas too. So he was a horrible cunt to you, he was a terrible father to Caspien, but he’s trying to make amends which is a lot more than some people do, so just give him a fucking break, will you?”

“Give him a break? Piss off, Jasper. You’ve not a fucking clue who he is, what he’s done.” I lifted the bottle and drank.

“Actually, you learn a lot about a person by wiping them clean of their own shit and blood, by watching them rot away in front of you.”

“He’s a manipulative liar,” I said, but the anger had subsided at the image he’d painted of Gideon. “He always has been. This is just another one of his fucking games.” He’d designed this in such a way that I’d be left with this even after he died. Never knowing the truth.