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“Why should I?”
“Have you told him the exact reason why you are mad at him? Have you told him that it’s because he didn’t follow you and your mom that night when he helped you?”
“No I haven’t told him because that’s not why I’m mad at him. I’m mad at him because he raped me and I’m mad at him because he cut me,” I argued.
“Well, now that he’s with you, what next?”
“That’s why I asked you.”
He sighed and I squinted my eyes with a tilt of my head. Chan never sighed like that if he didn’t have something very serious or very stupid to say. I hoped it was the former.
“I really don’t support you hurting Jayden.” It was the latter. Was he supporting Jayden because he was a man too? But Chan was not like that.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose and exhaled. “Just talk about your idea, the real reason you called me.”
“Okay so first of all, don’t freak out too much, and I really need you to think about it because I don’t like the way you worry about them all the time.”
“About who? Can you just say it?”
“How about you give Kendal and Ariana up for adoption?”
15
ALEXIS
How about you give Kendal and Ariana up for adoption?
I’d been thinking about it since I hung up after telling Chan I would think about it and tell him my decision.
Should I do it? I shook my head immediately the question crossed my mind. I couldn’t even believe I was thinking about this, Ariana would kill me. She would never want to see me again, ever in her life. She would accuse me of ‘throwing them out of my life’ or ‘sending them away.’
But then again, it seemed like the safest idea I’d heard in a while. If I gave them up for adoption, they would have new parents, a new family and even new names, and that would keep them safe and completely disconnected from me.
Though I had made my mom adopt them, I was sure that with a few paperworks and money, everything would work out fine.
I would do it. I would look up good adoption centers and give them up. I didn’t care if they hated me or if they never wanted to see me again. As long as they were safe andof coursehappy, because I would make sure they had the best. And that included doing a background check on whoever adopted them.
I would talk to Kendal about it, he was more mature and I would listen to him about it. If he didn’t want to get adopted, I wouldn’t force it. I’ll leave them in the boarding school and fight with my life to keep them safe.
I knew that they would be safe if Cedric and his sons died, so I should be fast about killing them.
My mind was slacking because of Jayden. I knew it would be near difficult to kill his brothers if he was near. I wished I had killed his brothers before I met him.
What was I saying? Why was I talking as if I was doing the wrong thing? Was this guilt I was feeling?
I shouldn’t be guilty. They hurt me, so I should hurt them back. I was being too stupid. I should reopen my arm, since I was starting to lag because of my stupid emotions. I opened the drawer and brought out my table knife.
Without wasting time, I dragged it down my arm and squirmed as the cut reopened, seeping fresh blood. I hadn’t finished cutting the scar when Jayden came in.Ah he was still here.
“Jordan, I have to…JORDAN.” He rushed to me and slapped the knife off my hand. I scowled at him.
“What do you think you’re doing?” We chorused and he stared at me in disbelief.
“How… what… Why did you do this?” He stuttered as he carefully held my arm, trying to do something to stop the blood.
Frustratingly, I pulled my arm from his hand and winced as the pain hit me. I opened my drawer and brought out my bottle of white gin. I dribbled it on my arm and moaned as the gin burned the wound, immediately stopping the bleeding.
Jayden’s mouth fell open as he gaped at me while I blew air on my fresh injury.