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“Flower, I… I think I just killed Raphael,” I confessed. And with that, I knew she would be here soon.
25
ALEXIS
Death.
Death didn’t know family, or friends, or lovers —when it came, it came. Death didn’t care if you were putting a bullet through your best friend’s brain or pushing a knife through your boyfriend’s stomach —when it came, it came. Death wouldn’t tell you to not kill your family, death wouldn’t say ‘no that’s your brother being killed by you, I’m not taking him’ —when it came, it came.
‘Flower, I think I killed Raphael.’
I dashed out of the house and into my car, with my mother’s journal in hand. I drove my car as fast as I could and thought of what Jayden was doing. He was currently in there with his brother’s dead body, and could be doing anything to himself. He could be trying to hurt or even kill himself.
Subconsciously, I stepped on the accelerator at that thought.
What happened between them? I wanted to know so bad. Jayden would never hurt anyone intentionally. That was the Jayden I knew and after meeting him again, I figured that he was still the same angel he was in the past. He didn’t even let his trauma —our trauma— decide and control his life, like I did. So I knew for a fact that he would never intentionally hurt Raphael no matter what he did.
I checked the tracker again and took a left turn, driving as fast as I could. My hand curled so tight around the wheels that I almost didn’t feel it anymore. My heart slowed into a deep baleful thrum as my brain suddenly showed a picture of Jayden on the floor beside his brother with his wrist cut open and bleeding.
He killed himself because he killed his brother.
I stepped on the accelerator again and swore that if any police officer tried to stop me for a speeding ticket, I would be arrested because I’d hurt him so bad that if he didn’t die, he would forever be useless to himself and to the world. The tracker beeped and I realized I’d gotten to where I was going. I got down from my car with my mother’s journal in my hand and darted to the house.
“Jayden,” I shouted as I yanked the door open. He was there, he was sitting on the floor right there, but even as my footsteps pounded the cold floor, he didn’t lift his head to look at me. I saw Raphael on the floor with a knife stuck to his back and tsked.
That was not the type of death I imagined for him. He jerked off to my video so I wanted to cut off his dick and make him beg me to free him from the pain. And there was only one way, death.
But all in all, I ignored him, immediately going to Jayden.
He was shaking, his whole body convulsed as he kept repeating ’I killed my brother’ like a mantra. I sat beside him and gently shook his body, but I got no reply. I didn’t budge him, I just stared right in front of me, ignoring his brother who was a few feet away from us.
After a while, I heard sniffling and I looked at him, tears were falling from his eyes. Other than ‘I killed my brother,’ it was the next sound I heard him make. I doubted he even knew I came in.
“I didn’t do it intentionally, I swear I didn’t do it intentionally,” he said and I couldn’t tell if he was talking to me or if he changed his mantra.
I felt a pang in my chest as he tried to explain what happened. He must be in shock. I knew he wouldn’t be able to hurt his brothers no matter what they did to him. I did tell him it wasn’t like shaving his beard or playing video games.
“How did this happen?”
“He wanted to call dad after he found out you are Alex and…”
“Hold the fuck. Did you say Raphael knew I am Alex? How many people know that now?”
“Only him, I swear. He called me a betrayer for knowing you’re Alex and not telling anybody. He tried to pick up the phone to call dad, so I…”
So he killed his brother because he didn’t want anyone to know I was Alex. Guilt washed through my body as I realized that I was the cause of his current situation. He would never in his right senses hurt his brother, but then again, he wasn’t in his right senses.
“Jayden…” I started even though I had no idea what I wanted to say to him.
“I can’t believe he still wanted to tell that to dad after all he did,” he muttered, more to himself than to me. “I can’t believe it. How long did he know? How could he still be with dad even after finding out he killed our mother? How could he?” I frowned as he continued talking to himself.
I must have heard something else and not that. It wasn’t possible that… “Jayden, what did you just say?”
He looked at me and nodded his head. “Dad killed my mom. There were complications after my birth, so she had to be intubated and dad sabotaged it.”
“What!?” I breathed out in both shock and amusement. Did my mother have anything to do with this? “How did you find that out?” I asked and he pointed at the laptop I hadn’t noticed earlier.
I took the laptop on my lap and tapped on the recording icon still on the screen. My dad’s and Cedric’s voice came on and I listened to what they said. My eyes widened and my lips parted as I confirmed what Jayden just said to me.