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“It never was.”
“Yeah? No wonder you ate it every Saturday, and whenever you came to my house, you would tell Mrs Sandy to ‘please make me avocado toast’” He recalled and mimicked me with a high-pitched voice.
“Wow, you probably don’t even have a life of your own if you kept tabs on my life like that.”
“I don’t,” he admitted and shrugged. “I’ve always liked living for you.”
How was it so easy for him to admit things so easily like that? Would it be okay to disappear with this man and live with him forever? Or should I kill him and myself so we could be together in Heaven?
Or hell?
“I hate sappiness.” I snapped instead. “Why didn’t you leave? I told you I don’t want to see you in the morning.”
“You also said you won’t be able to control yourself if you do. I guess that’s why you pulled my briefs earlier and why your hand is still on it now,” he teased and I glanced down to see my hand still on his briefs. I withdrew immediately and he laughed.
“Make your avocado toast and leave, I have somewhere to be.” I said and turned to leave.
“Off to kill Sam?” I turned back to him. Why did he say it like he was asking if I was going to pick our child from school? It was not as easy as he was taking it.
“No, I plan to kill you first.” He laughed at my comeback.
“I’ll gladly die for you.”
“What are you, Jesus?”
“No, Jayden.” I saw him break an egg into a bowl before beating it.
“I don’t eat eggs.”
“And you think I don’t know that? I’m making it for myself.” He poured the egg into the frying pan. “Your toast will be ready in a minute. Go take your bath, you have somewhere to be, remember?”
Without replying to him, I left to my room. I shut the door behind me, turned the latch and rested my back.
Those few minutes were everything I had dreamed of as a child. Every time I had a dream about Jayden and I, it would be us grown up, in a relationship and happy. I experienced that in five minutes and would probably never experience it again.
Tears fell from my eyes when I remembered how everything went wrong. It was my dad’s fault, he caused everything. It wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t stolen his friend’s money and ran away.
I started killing when I killed my dad, which also wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t cheated on my mother and had another child.
FLASHBACK
It’d been two years since I told my mom to register me to a karate school and fortunately, the teacher taught me everything you needed to know before murdering a person.
Fighting, shutting emotions down, angles in the body that could instantly kill, angles in the body that could paralyze, angles in the body that could render a person as useless as dead.
After every class, I would go to meet him for an extra one-on-one class to learn more. I had told him one day of my wish to murder my father for something he did to me, and he didn’t stop or advise me against it.
He had grudges with his father too so he was ‘proud that I was strong enough to want to murder mine.’
I was seventeen and ready to fulfill my mom’s wish.
My karate teacher had paid for my dad to be kidnapped and had brought us to a forgotten warehouse. It was my first time killing someone and I was nervous, but as a part of my training, I had learned to shut down emotions. It worked a little.
I stared down at my dad who was tied and half naked as I sharpened my knife. He groaned before slowly opening his eyes and I smiled at him.
“Alexis?” No baby girl or even Jordan. Instead, he called me with the name he gave me after he stole from his friend.
“Hi daddy,” I teased and looked at my birth father, stripped and laid out in front of me. I tried to feel something, but I felt nothing. I was doing it, shutting my emotions like I had learned in class.