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“This is scaring you? This? I wish this was what I had to see when I was your age. But something else scared me,someoneelse scared me and guess what? Nobody came. Leave right now and nobody gets hurt.” I spat at her and she flinched, looking at me as if she was seeing a whole new person.
‘We’re sorry.’ Kendal slumped his shoulders and signed to me. My lips parted and my face softened as I realized that I was truly scaring them. I didn’t want them to see me like this. Ineverwanted them to see me like this.
“Ariana, Kendal,” I started, setting in my head what I hoped was a soft tone. “Please give me some time alone. Don’t worry, I’m okay and I’m sorry too. Now leave,” I sighed tiredly.
“I hate you, you are ruining my childhood.” Ariana’s lips quivered and I frowned at her. “Come out soon so I can treat your hand, I hate seeing blood and you know it. Ugh this woman.” She dramatically shook her head and left as if she wasn’t scared of me a minute ago. I snickered and Kendal bit back a giggle.
“Get out.” He rolled his eyes and followed his sister. I stared at the door for a minute or two before undressing and turning the shower on. I squirmed when the water touched my body.
My whole body was bloody and aching. Yes, bloody aching.
Ari and Ken did help with my anger a little bit, now I felt nothing but pain. I felt my body shake, my lips quivered and I let the tears fall freely.
I slid down to the floor and wept loudly, clutching at the floor to gasp when I felt air running from me. I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare. I wanted to walk into that bar again and ignore his eyes on me so I wouldn’t fuck him.
When I was satisfied –and tired, I wrapped the towel around myself, came out of the bathroom and sat on my bed. I picked up my phone and dialed ‘Diary.’
After a few rings, the phone beeped on the other side, indicating that it had been picked. “Chan.” I sniffed.
“Jordan? What’s wrong?” His voice worriedly rang on the other end of the phone
“Jayden,” I whispered and he gasped. Everything went silent before he gasped again, as if processing what I said.
“You met him already? That was fast, Jordy. Did you drive to his address after seeing his picture or something?”
“I let him fuck me Chan, I really let him fuck me.”
“Ah, I told you to always censor your words with me, you bitch.” If I wasn’t so tired, I would have rolled my eyes at him. He just told me to censor ‘fuck,’ but called me a ‘bitch.’
“And what do you mean by you let him have his way with you? So you’re telling me that you saw his face, checked your information for his address, drove to his house and let him have his way with you? What do you call that? Reconciliation sex?”
“Why are you like this? Can you let me talk?” I sighed.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m just really shocked. So what happened?” He said gently.
“I had a job last night and after I did it, I went to the club and…”
He gasped out loud, and I could picture his hand covering his mouth. “You fucked a random guy at the club and it turned out to be Jayden?”
I bursted into tears again, my heart clenching in pain. I couldn’t believe I let this happen, I really couldn’t believe I let my guard down like that. “It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault. I should have known, I should have known it was him.”
He sighed softly. He must be surprised that I was showing my emotions, but then again, that was why he was my diary, I told him everything. Did I say I didn’t trust anyone? Chan was an exception.
“No love, don’t say that. It’s not your fault you didn’t know, it’s not like he wrote it on his forehead. It’s been ten years since you last saw him, it would be weird if you recognized him on the first meeting.”
“I’m going to kill him, I’m going to kill him for touching me. Oh I am going to give him a slow painful death.”
He sighed again. “I can’t stop you, I know I can’t. Nothing can stop you at this point. But I want you to remember that you both were innocent kids caught up in the web, he is just as much a victim.”
“Let this be the last time you compare my pain with Jayden’s, or I swear to God, I’ll cut you out of my life.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m not comparing you with him, nobody’s pain can be compared to yours. I’m just saying that he is a victim too, and you always have a soft heart for victims. I know he is on your list and he won’t survive because nobody on your list ever survives, but if you can just find it in your heart to talk to him, cry to each other and comfort each other before you…um…kill him, it’ll be really great. You both deserve that much.”
He continued, “as much as it annoys me, he’s your first best friend, your first crush and your first love. He’ll always be that special person to you, Jordan, whether you accept it or not.”
“I’m still going to kill him,” I argued sternly.
“I know. Tell him a Rest In Peace in advance, on my behalf.” He chuckled and I rolled my eyes.