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“Yes, yes I am.”
“So do you forgive me?” He asked again.
I closed my eyes and exhaled through my mouth. It shouldn’t be that hard, I could do it. “Jayden.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry too.” There was silence, a veryloudsilence and I shifted uncomfortably on the bed, as I felt my heart pounding and my cheeks burning hot.
I didn’t know I would be so eager to hear what he would say about me apologizing, but here I was, seated on my bed and waiting with a pounding heart to hear him say something.
“I love you, Jordan.” I pressed my lips together as a smile automatically came on my face. I cleared my throat and sat straight up on the bed.
“Okay fine, bye.” I hung up, threw my phone on the bed and let out a small unexpected laugh, covering my face with my hands. God, this was so embarrassing.
I identify as pathetic.
Everything would be fine. Yusuf was working, Gideon was working, Chan was working, John was working and Jayden was working.
For the first time in my life, men were doing something useful for me. I didn’t have to worry, Ariana and Kendal would be safe. I picked up my mother’s journal to read more.
September 24, 1997
Hey journal. I haven’t written in a while, sorry I just felt like keeping some things to myself. Where did I stop? Yeah the mad sex I had with Cedric. I told you we promised to only do it once, right? Well we didn’t, we did it almost every time there was spare time. I am starting to hate Marie, and it’s all because I’m jealous of her. She is the one who got to marry him, when I was the one who spent ten years with him. I hate my parents. Why didn’t Marie’s parents tell her not to marry Cedric? I told Cedric about it yesterday, about how I didn’t like the way he and Marie engaged in public displays of affection. It’s almost like she’s flaunting him in my face, and I hated it. I just wanted them to stop being intimate in my presence, but he begged me and told me he would get rid of her. I wondered what he meant by that or how he planned to do that, I mean she already birthed five kids for him, it won’t be that easy to divorce her. What do you think?
My phone rang, bringing me out of the bewilderment I was in. I didn’t have time to think about what I just read, as I checked my phone and saw that it was Jayden calling. I wondered what he wanted, since he called me like forty minutes ago. I picked it up and I heard rustling, followed by curses and tears.
Worry flooded my mind and I sucked in breath. He was okay, right? He had to be, he had to be fine. “Jayden?”
“Flower, I… I think I just killed Raphael.”
24
JAYDEN
Igot to my house and slumped into my couch. I glanced around and suddenly felt so lonely. I had always lived here. I moved out of my father’s house at sixteen to my grandmother’s and after she died when I was twenty, I got this place.
I never minded staying alone, I loved the silence. It was better than living with my father, but now I felt so alone and empty. The silence suffocated and choked me.
I just wanted Jordan here with me, in my arms all the time. I never wanted her out of my sight, even for a minute, and if I didn’t fight with her, I’d still be at her place, relishing in her scent and voice.
I groaned again –for the thousandth time. I should have just kept shut when she said she didn’t want to go out with me. Or I shouldn’t have said anything when she came out of the bathroom.
Should I call her? Should I not call her? I was conflicted, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to hear her voice, but I knew better not to. If there was anything I learned about the new Jordan, it was that she had great anger issues –and great knives.
I twirled my phone in my hand to think of what to do, which got paused as my phone rang. I checked it immediately, hoping it was Jordan –which I knew it would never be– but a guy could dream.
It was my manager and I widened my eyes at the realization that I had a whole ass company and staff. I hadn’t spoken to him in a while, a month to be precise.
“Hello.”
“Boss, is everything okay? We haven’t seen you in the office for a while. Your dad called and he was mad at us for losing the deal with Mr Aaron to the South Conglomerate.” He explained and I sighed. Even though I mostly worked from home, I hadn’t worked in a while –since I reunited with Flower.
It still bothered me how my dad knew about my company deals, as if he was there with us. Above all that, I couldn’t believe my dad was still getting mad at me for not getting deals, when his sons were dying one after the other by an ‘unknown’ gunman.
I rubbed my forehead in frustration. I belonged to a shitty family.
“How much was the money he offered?”