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“4”
“3” she rubbed on my hand and soothingly raked her fingers through my hair.
“2”
“1”
We counted again and when I calmed down, she threw herself into my arms, quiet sobs coming out of her. “Jayden, what do I do with you? I can’t do what you’re asking me.”
“Why not? I said you can do your thing and let me do mine. I just want to love you.”
“I… can’t, I can’t love you. You hurt me too much, I can’t do that to myself.” She sniffed and tears fell from my eyes. She hated me, she did.
“Really? I messed up that much? It’s me, your Jay.”
“Stop saying that please. Don’t make this hard for me, for us.”
“Why is it hard? It should be simple if you hate me. It should be the simplest decision to make since you claim to hate me so much.” I pointed out. “You still feel something for me, Jordan. You know you do.”
“When did you start having panic attacks?” She changed the topic and I sighed.
“About a year after the incident,” I replied. “I moved to grandma’s and stayed there with her, where I attended therapies.”
“I took therapies too.”
“I know. You took two and killed both therapists.” I said and she tilted her eyes at me.
“How did you…. Ah, your stupid friend.” She rolled her eyes and I chuckled.
“Yeah, my stupid friend that you wanted to kill.”
“Oh please, I wasn’t going to kill him.” She argued and I squinted my eyes at her, not believing a single word she just said. She groaned. “Fine, I was just going to stab him like three times, but he would have survived.” I laughed again, all tensions in the air leaving the room.
She stared at me for a while before asking, “how is grandma? It’s been a while.”
“She died.” She widened her eyes at my revelation. “She died shortly after my twentieth birthday. It wasn’t a painful death, she just slept and didn’t wake up.” She walked past me toward the bed. “What are you doing?”
“I need to sit, my legs hurt.” She shrugged and I smirked.
“They should, I gave you five orgasms nonstop.” I wiggled my brows, feeling proud of myself.
“Shut up,” she barked and I chortled. She sat on the bed and I sat beside her without saying anything. The silence was a comfortable one as she stared into space and I stared at her.
She was inarguably the most beautiful girl alive.
“I killed Rick tonight,” she revealed.
“I know.”
She turned to me at my reply. She then narrowed her eyes, gauging my reaction as she said again. “I’ll kill Sam.”
“I know.”
“You’re not saying anything significant.”
“I choose you. That’s the only significant response I know.”
She rolled her eyes and climbed to the bed. I slapped her ass as she did that and she glared at me, causing me to raise my hands in defense. “I’m sorry, you begged for it earlier so I thought…” I trailed off and winked at her.