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Every spare moment I spent at Ryan’s school where I worked until the sun disappeared and I could no longer see my spade in the dirt. With me working overtime, the garden came together quicker than anticipated. It was almost healing me until the day that a van filled with bricks arrived from the Harrington estate. They’d been told I needed them. My chest ached at the sight of them. Had he arranged this before he left or after? I wanted to say no, to drive the bricks back to Harrington and throw them through every window of that beautiful place but I didn’t. I accepted them gracefully and spent my evenings digging them in the dirt.
I didn’t cry over it. I didn’t cry either when Ryan told me that a special present had been delivered to the school. A state of the art wildlife camera.
Alfie…
It hurt. The place I’d gone to escape the pain of him had become infected by him. Had he done that on purpose? Had that been the point? To give me no reprieve from missing him? Was he manipulating me even now that he’d moved on without a word and forgotten about me?
When I was home, I smiled for my family during dinner before retreating to my Memory Garden with my ghosts, trying to understand why this loss hurt as much as theirs. I stayed there, planting and pruning until I was dead on my feet, thenI dragged myself to bed and tried to sleep. It was fitful and haunted. Water rushed in my ears while I dreamed of being trapped in a sinking car again, panic attacks I hadn’t had since my teens were back with a vengeance. Andhewas there, every night. The white shoes he’d given me lay discarded in a corner, taunting me.
Two weeks passed, the school garden was complete and somehow I’d finished my plans for the Harrington plot too. It wasn’t my best work but I’d had over a month to work on it. I couldn’t put Riley off any longer, so I arranged to see him on Friday. It was Tuesday, two weeks to the day since I’d seen Alfie, but the pain had only gotten worse and I was truly sick of myself.
I was on my way to the office after picking up a blueberry muffin and a latte from the cafe when I got a text from Keira.
I think two weeks is enough time to mope around, Lo. Dig out your sluttiest dress. We’re going out this Saturday.
I started to text an excuse but I hesitated. Maybe I needed this. If I was going to cleanse myself of Alfie then I was going to need as many distractions as I could get.
I love you.I sent instead.
Duh. Of course you do. I wanna go to Specimens. Meet me there at 9. Love you too.
Specimens was a club that had just opened. I only knew about it because one of Keira’s many ex-boyfriends owned it. She’d been wanting to go for months. I suppose her best friend getting dumped was a great excuse.
I wondered if Bradley would want to come. I’d ask him at lunch.
For the millionth time, I opened my desk drawer and pulled out the card Alfie had sent with my flowers. I ran my fingers over his elegant scrawl. With a sigh, I put it away. It was time to move on.
Wednesday and Thursday passed by in a blur and before I knew it, it was Friday and time for my meeting with Riley. I considered cancelling. Seeing anything connected to Alfie was going to hurt, but this was the risk I’d taken when I’d gotten romantically entangled with someone I had to work for.
My plans for the Harrington garden were vague at best and I just knew that Riley was going to shoot them down. And he did, with the ease of a pro footballer scoring a goal. He closed the file containing my plans and tossed it on the table between us. We were on the back patio. It would have made more sense to go to the plot itself, but after I’d paled visibly when he’d mentioned it, he’d moved us here instead without asking questions.
Riley leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in front of him. I couldn’t tell whether he was angry or not. He should be.
“It’s terrible, isn’t it?” I said eventually, wanting to get it over with.
“It’s not great, Lola.” He grimaced. “Your ideas are good. They’d work fine but there’s no passion in them. No soul. Do you know what I mean? I can’t feel you anywhere in these designs.” He gestured at the file of failure between us.
“Are you firing me?”
“No, at least not yet. Alfie wanted me to mentor you so that’s what I’ll do. You’ve not had any formal training so it’d be unfair for me to expect you to get it right the first time, or to know how to channel your emotion into your work.”
For the next half an hour, I listened as Riley coached me. He was patient, talking through my designs and pointing out what wasn’t working and why. For the first time in weeks, Alfie wasn’ttaking up my every thought. “So, take a few weeks to work on it, and if you have any questions, call me.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt bad for letting Riley down but at least I had another shot. “Sure. Thanks, Riley.”
“No problem.” He paused, watching as I gathered up my things. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but I just want you to know I’m sorry that things didn’t work out with you and Alfie. For what it’s worth, I think he’s an idiot for breaking it off with you.” I stopped, looking up at him in surprise.
“He told you that?”
“No, I just assumed...” he trailed off, taking in my expression. “Youbroke it off?”
“Not quite. I told him I needed some space but I guess he didn’t want to wait.” I turned my attention back to gathering up my things.I will not break.“It’s for the best.” The words felt like a false truth.
Riley eyed me, seeming to want to push the issue but wisely decided to drop it.
“Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.” He stood, his chair scraping on the patio, and I followed suit, relieved to be leaving. I’d spent the whole meeting expecting Alfie to turn up any minute just to mess with me.
We walked back through the ever-developing house. It looked different every time I saw it but never seemed to lose its ability to awe me. I was admiring the intricate finishings on the wood-carved door frame when I heard the sound of my new least favourite person.