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“To get more pills. I’ve put one pack in my car, another in my room, and one in my bag so I wont lose them again. I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to be so careless.” He nodded, seeming satisfied. I guess he still trusted me. My stomach clenched. What if the damage was already done and I was pregnant? Would he think I’d done it on purpose?
We finished the drive in silence and when we arrived at The Carlton, I followed him wordlessly to his suite, both of us consumed by our own thoughts. He switched the light on, the room bursting into abrasive light. I switched it off. I was awash with every emotion I hated and it all felt easier to handle in thedarkness. Moonlight poured through the balcony windows and it occurred to me that I’d missed dinner, yet I wasn’t hungry. Had I eaten anything today? My stomach was a twisted knot of nerves. I felt Alfie's arms come around me from behind, wrapping me tight.
“I need to get inside you,” he whispered, his breath hot against my ear. A flush crept over me. “Can you handle it?” His question split me down the middle but I nodded anyway. He had pushed me so far tonight but I needed him more than I wanted him. I turned my face up and melted into his kiss, allowing it to erase the day away. To undo the damage he’d done to me tonight. It was a cruel position to be in, to be poisoned and then have the antidote dangled in front of me.
When he reached for the buttons on my shorts though, the doctor's warning rang in my ears. I pulled away, breathless.
“I have condoms in my bag. Doctor's orders.”
“Not a chance in hell, O’Connell.” Before I could argue his lips found mine again. He turned me and walked me backwards until I felt the table bump up against the back of my legs. He laid me out and had my shorts and underwear off before I could breathe.
His mouth consumed mine, one hand on my throat as the other worked to release himself. This was wrong but my legs opened up for him as he loomed over me, my body singing with anticipation. Any objection I had stole away as he filled me, opening me to him in all ways.
What are we doing?
This was wrong but I wanted it. It wasn’t safe but I didn’t care…I couldn’t stop.
Against my rationality, my body reacted as he began to move. I writhed, pleasure zinging along my nerve endings as he took me, hard and primal.
We couldn’t do this. I opened my mouth to speak but his lips enveloped mine, cutting off my words as if he couldn’t bear to hear them. Greedy hands shoved at my shirt, desperate to get to my breasts, to consume every part of me.
His length massaged the deepest parts of me and I shivered, sighing at the sensation, crying out. My toes curled as he worked me over, pushing me even further to the edge of insanity, where rationality and logic ceased to exist.
Why is he doing this?
Pleasure and dread crept up my spine as he thrust harder, frantic in his need to fill me. He fucked me like a man running out of time and I took it like a woman losing her mind. He swarmed my senses and I relished every second, every heartbeat of him.
Alfie…
He groaned and bit down on my neck, his thrusts short and sharp as he built up to his release.
STOP!
That old part of me that was all but dormant now suddenly reared up, her voice furious and desperate. Without thinking, I shoved a hand between us and pulled him out of me. He let out an enraged growl but it was too late. He spilled onto my stomach, his body twitching as I moved my hand up and down his length, finishing his orgasm for him in the most heartless way.
We stared at the pool of seed on my stomach, a shocked silence hanging between us. His eyes found mine, betrayal and outrage seething at me behind those steel greys. My heart sank. What had I done?
He pushed away from me and stalked up the stairs. I heard a door slam a moment later. I lay there in the dark, half-naked, his wasted essence cooling on my skin.
I awoke the next morning in his bed, unable to remember how I’d gotten there. After cleaning myself up, I’d fallen asleep on the sofa, unable to go upstairs and face another fight. I’d had too many questions and the consequences of their answers frightened me too much to ask them.
I sat up. Alfie was nowhere to be seen. On the chaise-lounge lay my clothes, freshly laundered. I dressed and stepped into the bathroom. I relieved myself, my stomach constricting when I realised that my period still wasn’t here and that I was going to have to wait three whole days before I could take that test. Hopefully Miss Monthly would show up before then.
I found Alfie at the dining table he’d fucked and abandoned me on the night before, a breakfast laid out and half an untouched grapefruit in front of him. He was on the phone, deep in conversation about the Milan build. I took up a seat and waited quietly, picking at a blueberry muffin. My appetite had failed to reappear but my stomach roiled nonetheless. Eventually he finished his phone call and turned his attention to me, though he didn’t speak.
“I hate grapefruit,” I said, eyeing the ugly fruit on his plate.
“It’s good for you,” he replied. I nodded, not bothering to point out that despite it being good for him he still wasn’t eating it. A silence stretched out between us and I wondered which one of us would be the one to break it. Alfie assessed me, diagnosing my mood. I swallowed, preparing to make the first move in a game I knew all too well I was going to lose.
“What happened last night, Alfie?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. You rejected me.” My eyes flashed to him. Was that really how he was going to play this?
“It wasn’t safe.”How could he not understand that?Keira’sI told you sogaze flashed through my mind. No. What she had said wasn’t a possibility I could even consider.
“That isn’t the point. Yourejectedme, Lola.” That was true but I hadn’t meant to, I just…Shit, why was I so confused? I had logic and rationality on my side, so why did it feel like I was the one in the wrong? “You said you were mine. The night I came back to you, you said you were mine.”
“I am.”