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I slid out of bed with the careful movements of a woman who no longer trusted her limbs to hold her up. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. My core felt like he’d taken a mallet to it. I staggered to the bathroom and, of course, Alfie was right behind me.
“We’re like a couple of old people,” I joked, both of us moving with stiff, uncertain movements. Alfie rolled his shoulders, working a crick out of his neck as he switched the shower on. I went to the mirror to brush my teeth and gasped when I saw myself. My hair was a wreck but that was nothing new. What shocked me were the marks. My mouth was swollen, my bottom lip bruised from being sucked and bitten. My breasts were scattered with bite marks and love bites. They lined my inner thighs too. My eyes widened as I found the one on my neck. How the hell would I explain that to people?
“I marked you.” His voice echoed to me across the bathroom, barely audible over the sound of running water. I was outraged until I saw his reflection in the mirror as he came to stand behind me. Then my anger deflated. I turned to get a better look at him. What the hell had I done? He was covered in bite marks too. Some looked like they might have bled at one point.
“Savage woman,” he whispered and turned to get in the shower. I gasped at the scratch marks lining his back. I followed him into the shower, his hand slipped into my hair, drawing me to him. “You were incredible. You went right there with me,” he murmured against my mouth.
“To the edge of insanity,” I breathed. He smiled. A real, clear smile that warmed my heart and made me forget about the marks. They didn’t matter. Nothing did. Alfie wassmiling.
“My favourite place on earth.” He claimed my mouth, and it was gentle but it wasn’t easy. As always, his kisses, gentle or not, felt like they could kill me.
“Are you still scared about leaving with me?” He’d been watching me closely since the moment he’d finished making love to me in the shower. It was like the fuck-fog had cleared and he remembered we had real stuff to deal with.
We stood side by side at the bathroom mirror, him styling his hair with smooth, practised movements, me grunting and swearing as I dragged the knots out of my overgrown mane.
Was I scared? Yes. I was fucking terrified. I couldn’t let the words out and that was answer enough for him.
“Lola, the life we’ve had here is barely a glimpse of what we will have. You would get to explore every inch of this planet and I would get to explore every inch of you at night.” His words intoxicated me, bending my will. “Remember what you said. This decision, to leave with me or not, it isn’t about what you should or shouldn’t do. It’s about what you can’t live without.” He was right. I could live without my dream. It would hurt, maybe I would regret it, but I could live without it. My world withouthimin it would be a bleak, empty place. Why had I had to think about this? The idea that it had ever been a question was ridiculous now.
“I know. I’m still in,” I told him, and his body relaxed behind me. “I do have one question though. Was all this reallynecessary?” I gestured at the marks on my breasts, the one on my neck that I was going to have a hard time explaining away.
“You’ll seehimtoday, so yes, it was.” He kissed my temple again and left to dress, leaving me alone with my guilt. It hadn’t gone away. I’d known it wouldn’t but a part of me had hoped that I could make a promise, kiss him, and it would all be forgotten. But nothing was ever that simple.
Twenty minutes later, with dry, tangle-free hair and a towel around my torso, I stepped out of the bathroom. I eyed my shredded t-shirt on the floor. Clothes, yet again, were going to be an issue. I pulled on my jeans and grabbed one of Alfie’s shirts. It wasn’t exactly my most professional look but it would do. Alfie looked up from his phone and eyed the shirt with a look I couldn’t discern.
“Do you mind if I wear it?” It hadn’t occurred to me that he might.
“Definitely not.” He liked it but he didn’t look happy as he returned to his phone.
“What is it?”
“Nothing,” he answered without looking up. I sighed and felt the familiar ache at being shut out. I crouched in front of him and took his hands, stopping him from working.
“We can’t keep doing this, Alfie, not now. You have to start telling me things.” I waited, silently pleading for him to let me in just once.
“The red dress,” he said finally. The red dress. The one he’d given me. The one I’d been wearing when I kissed Bradley. “You need to get rid of it.” His voice was calm but I didn’t believe itfor a second. My mercurial man was a frozen river, still on the surface, but underneath there was a rushing cacophony.
“I’m sorry.” The words sounded pathetic but I couldn’t find any others. He cupped my face, tilting my chin until our eyes met.
“It doesn’t matter, Lo. In a week he’ll be out of your life. I can wait a week.”
A week.
Just one more week.
One week from today, who knew where I would be?
By the time Alfie dropped me off at work, I was beginning to regret not staying in bed. My head was thumping and my muscles ached but this was my last week at Rosie’s and I had work to do. Mark was absent again, which I assumed was Alfie’s doing. I didn’t mind, even though I knew that I should. Alfie’s controlling used to drive me crazy, but now it just seemed normal.
Keira rang at lunch to ask about my offer of letting her store some of her belongings at my house. In all the Alfie drama, it was easy to forget that she was going through some drama of her own. My best friend seemed a world away from me now. She was going to tackle her own dream. I felt a twinge of jealousy and clamped down on it. I’d given Alfie my word I’d leave with him, and there was no point in going back over it. We hung up on the promise of wine and girl-talk tonight, something I sorely needed. I texted Alfie before I lost my nerve.
Hey, Keira’s packing up for her move this weekend. I said she could store some stuff at mine so we’re going to load my vanup tonight. I’ll probably stay there the night too, that okay?I winced as I hit send and then waited with bated breath.
Of course. Do you need anything?
A.
I stared at the screen, my gaze flicking up to the contact name just to make sure that yes, that really was from Alfie. When did he learn to be so reasonable?