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Was it hurting me? Physically, no. But Adam hadn’t hurt me physically either.
But Alfie wasn’t Adam. Adam was a weak, desperate kind of person and Alfie was anything but that. With gritted teeth, I resolved to let it play out. Feeling Alfie’s presence like a watchful demon over my shoulder, I started up my van and headed home.
A huge bouquet of tulips greeted me when I entered the kitchen. I buried my nose in them, inhaling their delicate aroma.
"Hands off!" Natalie said, pointing a wooden spoon at me. "Those are for me."
"What? Who's sending you flowers?" I pulled off the card.
Natalie,
My behaviour last night was inexcusable. I hope that you and your son were not too upset.
It won’t happen again.
Alfie Tell.
"Wow." I looked up and Natalie raised her eyebrows at me.
"He's smooth that one, isn't he? Did you get flowers too?"
"Actually, I got another dinner invitation." I was nervous as hell about it and I really hoped that she would be supportive. I'd have to keep the tracker thing from her, though. She definitely wouldn't be supportive about that. Not that I blamed her.
"Are you going this time?" she asked and I nodded. "Is that wise?"
"Probably not." I gave her a wry smile. Dinner with Alfie Tell felt like walking into the lion's den, but Keira had been right; I couldn't live in a box my whole life just because I was afraid of further loss.
"Be safe." The worry in her eyes pulled at my heart. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she continued buttering bread.
"Always. How was your date by the way?"
She wrinkled her nose in disgust. "Total bust. He clicked his fingers at the waiter and spent most of the meal complaining about his ex."
"Gross."
"I know. Never mind, though. It still felt good to go. I felt like an actual adult for once. A young, single woman. I forget that's what I am sometimes."
"You'll find the right person, Natalie. One day, he’ll just walk through the front door. You watch." She nodded as if she didn't care but I knew that underneath all that strength, she was lonely.
"Go on, go and get ready." She waved a hand at me. "I need to live vicariously through my baby sister."
I grinned and got up. Hopefully a bath would calm my raging nerves. "Okay. First, though, is Ryan around?" I asked, fingering the red velvet box in my pocket. "I have some real treasure for him to bury."
Had I ever been on a real date before? I didn't think so. Not like this anyway. Adam and I had met through friends and we'd never really dated in the beginning. We just sort of happened organically. We went out on dates once we were together but I'd never had a proper first date. Not like this.
After tearing my limited wardrobe apart, I'd eventually decided on a pale pink dress. It was what I felt most beautiful in. I pinned my hair up on one side and brushed out my thick waves, curling them slightly at the ends.
"Woah!" Ryan exclaimed as I came down the stairs. "Auntie Lo, you look like a magazine!" He should be in bed by now but Natalie had let him stay up so that he could see the fancy car pick up his Auntie Lo.
Natalie looked at me approvingly. "Call me if he turns out to be crazy." Hadn't she already noticed he was crazy?
"It's here!" Ryan shouted, jumping at his spot by the window. "Mummy, can I have a turn in the car?"
"No, I already told you, it's just for Auntie Lo." He let out a mournful wail but I didn't suspect a tantrum was truly on its way.
"Can I have a kiss for luck?" Ryan turned his face up to be kissed and I pressed my lips to the delicate skin of his cheek. I gave Natalie a wave and left before my nerves got the better of me.
Elliot was waiting as I stepped out, and he opened the door of the Rolls Royce for me.