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“Not as long as those are still there.” I followed his gaze to the small bruises on my thighs that had darkened to a deep purple since last night. I hadn’t even noticed them. In all honesty I’d forgotten they were there.
“They don’t hurt and I don’t give a damn about them. I already told you that.”
“It’s the intent behind them that’s the problem.”
“You didn’t hurt me, Alfie. I trust you with my body, completely and utterly.” He looked away like he didn’t believe me. With a bravery I didn’t know I had, I took a step closer and slowly reached for his glove-covered hands. I undid them, gently sliding the gloves off his hands. I bent and kissed his sweaty palms. When I looked up I found his eyes on me, entranced. Then they widened in disbelief as I guided his hands, moving one up around my neck and the other down between my legs until he cupped me. He didn’t grip me, merely touched.
“I trust you with my body,” I said again. He flexed his grip on my mound, tightening slightly and then releasing. He was testing me, watching me closely for any sign of fear or pain. There was none. “Take me,” I whispered. He released my neck and my mound. For a moment I thought he might reject me, but his hands travelled up to my face, holding me gently.
“Are you sure?” I marvelled at the man in front of me, wondering how anyone could have so many different faces. I nuzzled into his palm, my hands coming up to encircle his forearms.
“I need you inside me. After last night, I need it. Please.” He seemed to soften at my words. So often, Alfie was god-like to me, an Adonis, but in that moment, I had never seen him as more like a man.
He turned, lowering us to the floor and laying me out on one of the sparring mats. He undid the buttons on my shirt and helped me out of it. I lay back down, allowing him to bask in my naked form even though it made me self-conscious. I pulled him to me and sank into his kiss—a long embrace that I wished I could live in forever. His tongue coated mine, coaxing me to be bold. I wrapped my arms around his neck, all the while remembering to be careful of his back and the raw skin that remained there. His hand cupped my cheek and I shivered as his fingers slid into my hair. He smelt of sweat, of cologne, of everything that was innately Alfie. It was a singularly masculine scent that called all of my nerve endings to attention.
He moved from my mouth, planting a trail of soft kisses along my cheek, my neck, to my collarbone where he licked the base of my throat. I writhed underneath him, my core aching with need, wishing he would hurry up but knowing that he needed to take his time.
This was an important coupling, for both of us. This wasn’t about sating our lust, it was about reconnection, an affirmation that, after last night, we were still tethered to one another.
He kissed each nipple tenderly, suckled on them just enough to pull them into stiff peaks, then began a trail down my stomach. He kissed my hip bones and paused to trail his fingers along the curve of my waist. Then his head bent, his hands holding my thighs open, and I thought I might finally get some release, but instead he kissed each bruise on my thighs. He paused, his eyes locking on the purple marks, his gaze darkening.
“I trust you,” I whispered and his eyes found mine again, the softness returning slightly. I reached up for him and he fell into my arms. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him into me. His eyes widened in surprise at my boldness. He took me slowly and almost in silence. I felt the parts of us reconnect, reach out and touch, my body alive with joy at having him inside once again.
Alfie and I lay on a sparring mat made for dirty trainers and bare feet, breathless, naked, our skin slick with sweat. My hair was a thick, tangled mess and his was no better.
“We need a shower, Alfie. We’re all kinds of gross.”
He chuckled—a contented sound that had my heart singing. He rose onto his knees and lifted me. For once I didn’t mind it and I wrapped myself around him like a monkey. There were certain advantages to being carried around by Alfie Tell, and being this close to him was one of them. I planted playful kisses on his face as he carried me upstairs and into our bedroom, where I remembered something that had bothered me earlier.
“Hey, where are the pills?” I asked as he carried me straight into the bathroom.
“What pills?”
I had a brief moment of anxiety upon entering the bathroom, memories of him hunched under the water hurting himself flashed through my mind, but I shook them away.
“The ones Elliot brought last night. I left them on the nightstand.”
He took us straight into the shower, depositing me on the bench and turning on the faucet. I winced at the sound of the shower head spurting into life. I watched the temperaturecarefully and didn’t miss that he had set it so low it was almost cold. I was grateful for that.
“I threw them away.”
I almost started to question him, to take him down another path he didn’t want to go down. Almost. Then I thought better of it. Today wasn’t the day. “Okay.”
His eyebrows rose, his gaze turning so suspicious I had to stifle a laugh. Alfie Tell could be so damned serious. “That’s it?”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “That’s it. I’m taking the day off from interrogating you.” I pressed my lips to his and kissed him sweetly.
We took our time to soak in the warmth of one another. So much of our time together had been turbulent that I’d learnt to value every peaceful moment I could get. Happiness brewed inside me as we bathed and foamed one another. I caught him looking at me as I washed him, fleeting glances of suspicious disbelief, of cautious optimism.
We played out the next hour in a series of flirtations. He kissed my neck as I brushed my hair. I bit my lip at the tone and flex of his torso as he pulled on a grey shirt and black sweatpants. I almost pounced on him then and there, but his phone rang and he took the call, keeping his eyes on me as he talked, following me around the room as I put on one of his shirts and twisted my wet hair up into a bun.
I opened my handbag and took out my coin purse with a cartoon cat on it and popped my birth control pill. His eyes never left me but for once it didn’t unnerve me. Last night had broken new ground for me. Alfie had taken me into the pits of his soul and we’d survived, but part of me couldn’t help but wonder if there was a whole other, deeper pit still to be excavated. I steeled myself at the prospect of another night like the last one.
Whatever he threw at me, I could handle it. I was pulling on a pair of his socks when he finished up his call and came overto me. His arms wrapped around me, one of his hands roaming down to cup my bottom with a bluntness that only Alfie Tell could pull off.
“You need to get changed.”
“Why?” I asked, suspicion leaking into my voice.