Page 114 of Never Tell Lies

“I have business in Milan. I’ve put off leaving for another fortnight so that you can be here to see your friends and family on your birthday, but we will need to leave the day after. You can hand in your notice on Monday. Two weeks is enough time for Rosie to find a replacement for you.” He stopped and took another sip of his water. He was waiting for me to speak but all I could do was stare at him.

“You’re expecting me to leave with you?”

“Of course.” His tone was smooth, his gaze unwavering. I took a deep breath before answering.

“Did you maybe think about running that by me first?”

“I just did.”

I took a calming breath, but it did little to calm me.Patience, Lola.“Alfie, I don’t even have a passport.”

“I arranged one for you weeks ago. I have it in my study.”Weeks ago? How long has he been planning this?I tried tofight back the feeling that, once again, he was backing me into a corner. I couldn’t let him, not with this. It was too important.

“This is ridiculous, Alfie.”

“No, it isn’t. I don’t see why quitting your job is a problem. You don’t even like it that much. I know you’re worried about your sister losing your income but I can provide that and anything else she might need. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”

He was completely missing the point. I took a gulp of my wine, determined not to snap at him. Now would be a really good time for me to tell him that I got into college, so why couldn’t I? I looked up at him, his expression hard and resolute. That wasn’t the face of a man who wanted to be told he couldn’t have something. Instead I took another breath and tried to reason with him.

“We still barely know each other Alfie. We’ve only been back together for a few weeks.”

“Yes, and how did you enjoy being separated? There really isn’t any other option. I have to leave soon, and you have to come with me.” He was right. I should want to go, I should be jumping at the chance to travel the world with him, but in the back of my head there was something holding me back.

“What about the Harrington Garden?”

“Finish your plans and leave them with Riley.”

I could feel an overwhelming sense of being pulled down a path I didn’t want to go. Could I leave my home for him? I imagined that future with him, how it would look. I saw myself in a luxurious penthouse with everything I could want. I saw myself financially dependent on him, because how could I travel with him and keep a job? How could I study if I was travelling all the time? College would be off the table. I saw myself moving in his social circles with discomfort and unease. I saw myself trading in everything that I was to try and fit into his life.

None of it felt right.

The difference in our age suddenly reared up and smacked me in the face. He was ten years older than me. Ten years! Of course he was going to be ready for things that I wasn’t. He was firmly established in his career whereas I had barely even started.

I looked up at the beautiful man that was offering me a new life on a platter. How could I choose between that life and my dream? Could there be a way to have both? Could we manage long distance? It would hurt but it wouldn’t be forever.

“Do you think we could just take a minute to, you know, discuss this, to think it through maybe?”

“I have thought it through.”

“I meant think it throughtogether, the two of us, as a couple.” The tension in my voice was beginning to slip through. I tried to hold it in but dammit he was driving me crazy.I need some air.My chair scraped on the tile as I stood, but before I could take a step, Alfie had rounded the table and was right in front of me.

“Don’t run.” His tone was urgent, a flash of vulnerability behind the impenetrable mask. How could a man be so much of both? My heart softened as it always did when he needed me. I sometimes wondered if he did it on purpose, if he showed vulnerability to justify his controlling behaviour. Or maybe he controlled me to undo the vulnerability he’d shown. He showed a sign of weakness and then punished me for seeing it.

“I’m not running, I just need to think and I can’t think when I’m looking at you.” I needed to tell him about my acceptance, but there was this voice in the back of my head telling me not to. That I couldn’t trust him not to mess it up for me.

Alfie tucked a finger under my chin. I looked up at him, sucked into his torpedo stare. “Baby, do you want to be with me?”

“You know I do.”

“Then what else is there to think about?” he asked softly, his mouth inching closer to my own.

“So much. There’s so much,” I whispered, almost breathless as I felt his take over of me begin.

“Then stop thinking. Nothing exists but us,” he whispered, and then, just before his lips found mine, he uttered words that shook me to my core. “Nothing exists for you but me.” His mouth engulfed mine and I fell into him. I ceased to be once he touched me. I ceased to have my own thoughts, my own self.

I should stop him, talk to him, tell him about every fear and concern flashing through my mind, but as usual, all rational thought had disappeared as soon as he touched me.

Wordlessly, he lifted me and spread me out on the table. My gaze flickered over the dimmed chandelier above us. I watched as our shadows danced across the candlelit ceiling. Everything with Alfie was just so decadent, so extreme, it overwhelmed me.