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“Not if they’re still damaging you in the present,” I said, my words infused with more pain than I’d intended. His hands fell away from me.
“If I tell you, you will likely leave me and that is something I am not ready to risk.” What the hell did that mean? What could he be hiding that was so bad? “One day, I will tell you.I promise.” One day could be ten years from now. Could I wait that long? I didn’t even need to think about it. For Alfie I would wait forever. If accepting Angie was what it took to be with him then I could do that. Besides, he was right. As much as I didn’t trust her, I could trust him with her. If he wanted her he wouldn’t bother keeping me around. Eventually, I nodded. His shoulders relaxed, tension leaving his body.
“Thank you. I know I keep hurting you. I know that I keep getting it wrong. But I’m trying and I’m learning. I will get it right, Lola. I will be the good man you deserve.” He looked like a begging man. It should please me to see him so open, but instead his insecurity was unnerving. I didn’t like it.
“I believe you.”
He breathed a sigh and sat back.
“You’re a wonder, O’Connell.” I could see him drinking me in, soaking in my words. “Everything I put you through…Sometimes, I wonder how far I can push you before you break.” I wondered that too, lost more sleep over it than I cared to mention. I didn’t want to talk about him breaking me, I didn’t want to talk about Angie or anything else that could come between us. I wanted to just hide with him forever now.
I crawled into his lap, and his arms came around me as we settled eye to eye.
“Let’s not find out,” I whispered, and with the smallest, softest smile that months ago he would have hidden from me, he nodded. His steel greys drifted from my eyes to my lips and focused there, heating. Need pooled in my stomach. I wanted him but not without protection and I didn’t need to ask to know they weren’t an option for him.
“We can’t…”
“I know.” His gaze flicked back up to mine. “Just kiss me like you kiss me.” I moved without hesitation. My lips moulded with his as we reconnected. I felt him sigh, his chest loosening againstme, his hands fisting in the cotton of my dress, my hair, the flesh on my hips. I wanted him to be in my skin, to wear me like armour and use me to fight his demons for him.
His tongue massaged mine. He tasted like honey and I let out a whimper as he deepened our kiss. His teeth caught my lip and sucked it till I gasped and he growled in response. I turned in his lap until I straddled him, his erection straining against my own swollen mound, access dangerously easy in my dress. He pulled my mouth to his and we devoured each other as if we could mould into one person.
Alfie…
He fisted my hair with one hand as the fingers of the other came to my breasts. He stroked my nipple through the fabric, teasing it to attention. He pinched it, pulling it rhythmically until I squirmed.
“Alfie…”
He swallowed my plea with his kiss and swiftly tugged my dress down so I could slip my arms out of the straps. My bra followed, my heavy breasts coming free. I guided his mouth to a nipple, needing him there. He suckled the tender tip into his mouth, pulling on it, using his teeth to graze the sensitive bud and sending a shiver up my spine.
My gasps echoed around the room, vases of pink bleeding hearts our only audience. I arched my back, giving myself to his mouth, his hands. My mind swam but was brought sharply back to earth when Alfie delivered a harsh slap to my breast. I gasped and looked down as he gripped my bare breast, his mouth still latched onto my other. He slapped me again and pleasure zinged to my swollen clitoris.
Fuck…
I whimpered, holding him tightly as he slapped me a third time, the skin coming up a pale pink that excited me. Suddenly his mouth left me.
“Scissors.” He ordered as I panted, a breathless mess in his lap. Once again, I was undone and he was still perfectly put together.
“What?”
He flicked his gaze and I followed it to a steel stationary holder on his desk behind me. I passed them to him, my eyes widening in alarm as he reached between my legs. A snip later and my soaked underwear came away. He threw them away and tossed the scissors onto his desk. I leaned down to take his mouth but he pushed me back until my elbows rested on the desk.
I panted with anticipation as he pushed my dress up around my waist. Reaching between my legs, he used his thumb and forefinger to spread me, his nostrils flaring slightly at the sight of my soaked folds. I ground down, needing friction. I felt his erection beneath me and pressed down, massaging my clitoris on his clothed length. The crotch of his trousers rubbed against me, the button and the zip unyielding against my sensitive parts, but I couldn’t stop, too lost in chasing my own pleasure tail.
I paused when he reached between us to unfasten his trousers.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to fuck you. Your folds are just too delicate to press on the fastening.” He opened his trousers, making room for me to press down on his erection, safely encased in the much softer cotton of his underwear. It felt so much better.
He gripped my hips, his hands full of my flesh as he guided me to grind on him, his mouth swallowing my moans once more. Pleasure pooled in my core, pure and base. I yearned to writhe and move with him, but our position limited me, leaving the pleasure nowhere to go. I couldn’t stretch it out in my muscles, but had to let it pool and grow. I was forced to feel it spread tomy toes, my fingertips. I could feel it under my tongue, warming my skin and making my mind lazy.
I needed more.
I guided his hands to my breasts. “Please,” I breathed between kisses.
“Lean back.” I did as he asked, confused when he began undoing his cufflinks. “I have a rule about never giving the credit of pleasure to an inanimate object, but as usual you are the exception to all of my rules.” He studied me again, his gaze proprietary. He owned every inch of me and he knew it. I held my breath as he tugged on my nipple, my stomach flipping with apprehension as I realised what he was about to do.
“Relax, O’Connell. I’ll know if you can’t handle it.” I nodded, knowing I could trust him with my body, always. “Lift up, baby. I want to watch that clit swell.” His words sent a delicious shiver up my spine as I lifted my hips enough for him to see me. He set the cuff link around one nipple, his gaze fastened between my legs as he tightened it. I cried out at the sharp pinch. My bud lit up like he knew it would. “There it is. I’ve never seen you so needy.” I panted. It was too much…I’d never felt anything like it.
‘You aren’t ready for the kind of games I want to play.’He’d said that to me once, and I knew now that what we’d done so far had barely scratched the surface of what Alfie could do to my body.