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I called the Sexual Health Clinic and made an appointment for that afternoon. There was no way I could face my GP and tell him I’d lost my pills again. My van was still at my house so I called a taxi and Mike followed. I could have asked my new bodyguard for a lift but the thought of explaining to him where I was going made my stomach turn. I shot off a quick text to Alfie, letting him know where I was going before the GPS tracker or the bodyguard did.
The doctor, thankfully, was a woman, though if I’d thought she would be more understanding than my male GP I was sorely mistaken.
“You’ve lostthreeprescriptions?” She eyed me shrewdly over half-moon glasses that made her look far older than her mid-forties. Her hair was a dusty blond and perched primly on her shoulders, brushing the collar of a white blouse.
“Yes, I’m…well, I’m careless. I don’t mean to be, I just…I lose things.” I knew I’d been foolish to lose them but the drama over the last few weeks had taken a toll on me. Once I would have taken her attitude and thrown it right back at her, but now I just wasn’t interested in dealing with things that weren’t Alfie Tell. Only a few more hours and I’d be with him again. This woman, this appointment, it wasn’t important.
“Have you missed any days?” she asked. I didn’t have to think about that one.
“Yes,” I told her, though I couldn’t tell her how many. Not that it really mattered how many pills I’d skipped. Just one was bad.
“And have you had sexual intercourse during that time?” I tried not to shudder at the question.
“Yes.”
She didn’t answer, only gave a slight lift of an eyebrow as she tapped away on her keyboard, her judgemental silence hanging in the air.
“Well, if you can’t manage sticking to a regular schedule, maybe a different kind of contraception would be more convenient? The injection or implant are very?—”
“No, sorry. I’ve had the implant before and had a bad reaction, same with the injection. I’ve never had an issue with the pill before, never missed a day, it’s just recently.”
“Recently since you got this new boyfriend?”
“Yes.” She let the silence hang again and I rushed to fill it. “My head’s been all over the place with moving and work, you know.” I plastered a smile on my face, wishing that I’d just gone to my usual doctor. He accepted without question that a woman was stupid enough to lose their birth control.
“Okay, well I can give you another prescription. My advice is that you take the three sheets out of the packet and put them in a specific location, one in your bag, one in your car and one in your bedroom, something like that. Set an alarm on your phone too so you don’t forget when to take them. An unwanted pregnancy will affect you for the rest of your life, one way or the other.” She eyed me seriously and I nodded. I shuddered at the thought. Children weren’t something I’d given much thought to before. They were a thing that would maybe happen to a different Lola, one who would be much wiser and much older. Like, a decade older. At least.
We sat in silence while she tapped away on her computer, interrupted only by the sound of the printer puking out my prescription.
“Alright, now since you’ve had intercourse without protection, as you know there is a risk that you’re already pregnant.” I blanched, feeling the colour drain from my face. Iknew this already. It had occurred to me, but Alfie was always the thing I thought about most. Being away from him was like coming up for air. The real world came back to me and in the real world, I had to deal with crazy exes, pissed off friends, dead family members and apparently, potential pregnancies.
“When do you usually have your period?” I tried to think. What day was it? When was my last period? I calculated quickly.
“I usually start around the 25th.” She didn’t need to tell me that the 25thwas four days ago.
“Well, I think the best thing to do is wait until the end of your next period and then begin taking them as normal. If your period comes, that is. Pregnancy is a very real possibility.” She gave me her best bedside manner smile. “I can do a blood test if you like or you can wait and do a test at home. Clearblue tests can tell you within two to three days from conception so as long as you stay protected from now until you test, you should be able to take it as early as Friday.”
Conception.That word flashed at me in neon, lit up like a motelVacancysign. Or if I was pregnant maybe that should beNo Vacancy. I stifled a laugh. This wasn’t funny.
Conception. I could haveconceived.
“So? What will it be? Blood test now or urine test in a few days?”
“I’ll take a test at home,” I answered without thinking. I couldn’t face an answer right now. She pulled my prescription out of the printer and scribbled her signature on it before turning back to me. Her eyes swept over me as if trying to diagnose an illness, and they landed on my swollen cheek.
“Is there anything else you need?” Her tone was softer now, taking on a gentle hush as though the walls were listening. I shook my head. I knew what she was thinking, but I didn’t care enough to explain about Adam. It wasn’t important. I justwanted to get out of here. She sighed and handed me the prescription.
“Alright, then. You should be up to date with your pills a week or so after you’ve started taking them again. In the meantime,” she pulled out a box of condoms from her drawer and plonked them on her desk, “help yourself.”
Sixty-Nine
Isat in the back seat of the Honda, clutching a handbag full of condoms and a paper bag containing my pills and a pregnancy test. I’d popped the tiny morning after pill as soon as I’d gotten it, the pharmacist giving me a mildly amused look, and stepped out of the chemist to find Mike waiting with strict instructions to bring me straight to Alfie. After some persuading, he’d agreed to stop at my house first so I could get some clothes.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Keira had said about Alfie. The doctor had thought the same thing, it had been written all over her face, but they were both wrong. Alfie the billionaire, Alfie the womanizer…Alfie the parent? I didn’t think so.
Even so, I’d take the doctor’s advice. I took the three sheets of pills. One would go in my van, one would go in my underwear drawer, and the last was going in my handbag. Those were the rules and I was sticking to them.
My stomach flipped at the thought of the pregnancy test. A new future opened up before me and it took less than a minute for me to realise that having a baby was the last thing I wanted. I wasn’t ready. Not even close. I wasn’t ready for the responsibility, for my body to alter, for the pain…just the thought made me want to run.