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“No comfort for you,” he snapped and stepped out of the opening doors. Alfie Tell could be cruel, I’d always known it, but I’d never seen it in its purest form and I couldn’t even be angry, because this was my fault. Another couple might have found a smoother way around this, but for Alfie, whose trust was so finite, whose need for possession was so absolute, this betrayal was ultimate.
I followed them through the lobby and out to the Rolls Royce that waited like a ghost ship in a dead sea. I wanted to know where we were going but I knew I wouldn’t get an answer so I sat quietly and tried to take comfort in the fact that we weren’t going in the direction of my house, but instead to a part of townI hadn’t been to very often. I tried to make sense of what was going on. It was unnerving, but in Alfie’s own screwed-up way, I knew he was trying. I had to believe that.
We pulled up outside an unassuming house on an unassuming street. Where were we? And why had Elliot had to drive us? This hadn’t exactly been a long haul trip.
“Alfie, why is Elliot here?” I asked, my gut clenching. I wasn’t sure I really wanted the answer.
“He’s here for your safety…andhis.” His gaze focused beyond me. I turned and looked out of the window to see a familiar red Mazda pulling into the driveway of the unassuming house.
Bradley.
“What are you going to do?” I asked, trying not to show how frightened I was.
Bradley.How had I not thought about him going after Bradley? I felt like the most selfish girl in the world.
“Nothing. This is all on you, O’Connell.” He fixed his cold stare behind me, watching Bradley get out of his car. “Whatever you need to say to him, say it.” He shifted his gaze back to me.
“What do you want me to say to him?” I was trying to figure out his game and my role in it. I didn’t want to play it wrong.
“That’s for you to decide.” His expression was indifferent but I could see the pain and the fear lurking there. I could get out of this car, run to Bradley, and never turn back. Was that why Elliot was here? To stop me if I tried? Or to stop Alfie if I tried? Which of us was Elliot here to restrain?
My door opened and Elliot stood there, stoic. With a final glance at Alfie, I stepped out into the cool evening air. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t have any words. I crossed the road withoutbothering to check for traffic and watched as Bradley took the steps up to his front door, a bag of groceries in one hand.
“Bradley?” I called out. My voice cracked, my throat constricting with tension. I cleared it and took a breath to calm myself, but I couldn’t. I felt crazy. Just looking at him made me feel nauseous, as if Alfie had trained me to feel discomfort at the sight of him, at the taste of his name in my mouth. Bradley’s touch was what had put me on my knees.
Was that why Alfie had done it? It was a clever piece of psychology if he had, to hurt me and make me cry as I thought of Bradley. Kissing him had put the cold burn of shame on my skin, kissing him had made my scalp scream as my hair was pulled. Two days ago, Bradley had been a comfort and a friend. Now he’d morphed into something else.
He turned and my heart clenched as his gentle face broke out into a smile.
“Lo, hey! What’re you doing here?”
“I…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say. Alfie’s eyes burned into my back. It felt wrong to even be standing here. I was on the wrong side of the fucking road.
When did that happen to me? When did looking at a man make me feel so guilty? I closed my eyes and shook my head, trying to find my rational mind. But where once had resided stubborn and fiery Lola O’Connell, now resided Alfie Tell. He was consuming me. My fight was dying out.
“Are you alright? Do you want to come in?” He reached out for me, his hand resting on my shoulder, and I flinched away from it, his touch twisting my stomach. His kind face crumpled. “What’s going on?”
“You can’t kiss me again,” I gasped. His brows rose in surprise.
“Yeah I know, we covered this already. You’re doomed to be the one that got away.” He let out a small, pained laugh.
“I just…I needed to say it. I should never have let you…I’m sorry.” I looked up but his eyes weren’t on me any more, they were on the waiting Rolls behind me. They darkened as I saw him take in Alfie’s shadowed form. I didn’t dare turn around to see Alfie’s expression. I just wanted to be in his arms again, with his forgiveness in my hands and this awful night done with.
“Do you need help?” Bradley asked and I shook my head vehemently.
“No. I just…I fucked up and I’m trying to fix it…Don’t!” I hissed as he tried to place a reassuring hand on my arm. He took a step back, his hands raised. A long moment passed between us as he took me in. I wondered how I must appear to him. My clothes were dishevelled, my cheeks stained with tears, my hair a mess.
“This isn’t normal, Lo.” He didn’t understand. Of course he didn’t, but then again, no one understood this cord between Alfie and I. Not Bradley, not Keira. Not me.
“I know. But whatever it is, I need it. And I’m not your responsibility.” I watched as I killed the affection in his eyes. He was done with me. I saw it, and I think I knew it before he did. I felt relief. I felt pain. I felt too much.
“Okay.” He nodded and took another step away from me. “You should go then before your man kicks the shit out of me.”
“He wouldn’t. He isn’tviolent, Bradley,” I snapped, hating to hear him speak badly of Alfie.
“Yeah,” he said with a wry laugh. “You hold onto that prayer, Lo.” He turned away and put his key in the door, huffing with anger as he did it. I turned away and I heard him curse under his breath. “Lo?” I turned back, looking up at him from the bottom step. “You don’t deserve it ‘cos you’re being an idiot, but my offer will always stand. If you ever need my help, I’ll come running.” He gazed at me with eyes full of regret and worry. I gave him my calmest smile.
“I’ll be fine.” I would be. As long as I could have Alfie back, I would be fine. As if there was some kind of psychic pull between us, I felt Alfie’s impatience tugging on me. He was done waiting, and like a puppy learning recall, I turned and walked back to the car. Walking away from Bradley hurt but the fact that I could do it reassured me I was doing the right thing. I couldn’t have walked away from Alfie.