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He led me out of the hotel lobby and I didn’t miss the fact that he completely ignored the doorman who held the door for us. I gave the jolly faced man an apologetic smile and he returned with one that told me he was used to being ignored.
As soon as we stepped outside there was a low rumble of an engine. Of course Alfie Tell didn’t have to wait for his car to arrive.
My jaw dropped as an ecstatic valet pulled up in what appeared to be a Lamborghini. For God’s sake. How many toys did this man have?
“You got bored with the Aston Martin?” I joked as he helped me into my seat, ignoring the valet as easily as he had done the doorman.
“I get bored with everything eventually.”
Just like that, my heart plummeted to the very pits of my stomach. He’d spoken so casually that I knew he had no idea that he’d just given voice to my very worst fears. I tried to steady my rising panic as he slid in beside me. He started the beautiful machine and revved the engine, his face lighting up the same way it had when he’d revved the engine of the Aston Martin the first time I’d been with him. He wore pure excitement on his face, thrilled at the enjoyment of having something new in his hands.
By the time Alfie dropped me at work, I’d managed to give myself a thorough talking to. I was being ridiculous. He wouldn’t get bored of me, he wouldn’t. Alfie cared about me and I needed to have faith in that.
Our future, though, that I had a little less faith in. Everything seemed so uncertain, and Keira’s new future was throwing my own into consideration. I could no longer hide from it or pretend that change wasn’t coming. Change was already here, I just needed to figure out what form it was going to take.
On Friday morning, I breathed a sigh of relief when I got into the cabin and found that Mark wasn’t there. I kept wondering what I’d done to upset him. So far, my best guess was that he didn’t like the idea of me having my own project.
My computer made its ‘I’m awake’ noise and as it whined itself into consciousness I shook all thoughts of Alfie to the back of my mind. My inbox pinged a dozen or so times and Igot started on tackling each message. There was one from Mark telling me he wouldn’t be in today, no explanation why. A few were orders to be filled, several queries I dealt with directly.
There was a knock at the door and I was greeted by the same small, plump woman I’d come to see quite a lot of recently. She gave me a knowing smile as she handed over yet another arrangement of bleeding hearts amongst an assortment of wild flowers. I carried them to my desk with care and leaned forward, inhaling the gentle aroma of the blooms. My mercurial man seemed to simultaneously adore me and hate that he adored me. Why? How could a man be so cold sometimes and so gentle at others?
I was jolted out of my thoughts by another ping of my inbox. I sighed, leaving the mental space that contained Alfie, and returned to my computer. When I looked at my screen my heart just about stopped. The email was from The London College.
I bit my lip, my finger hovering over the button of my mouse.
Did I really want to open this and deal with rejection all over again? If I just deleted it without looking, it would be like I never got it at all.
No, that’s stupid and cowardly. It’s just a rejection letter, Lo, you’ve had one before. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
I gripped my necklace, and, after encasing my pride in bulletproof armour, I was ready for the death hit. I clicked on the small envelope and scanned the email for the words that I received every year—“We regret to inform you” “My sincerest apologies” “We wish you luck next year should you wish to apply again.”
I scanned the email twice, but couldn’t find them anywhere. My heart began to beat a little faster and my grip tightened on my necklace as I read and re-read the words I did find.“We are delighted to inform you,” “Congratulations,” “If you wish totake up your place with The London College, you will need to contact us to confirm within the next 14 days. If you decide to go ahead, then we look forward to your enrollment on the 1stof September.”
There was other information too, a hoard of it within that life altering email, but I couldn’t take it in. I could only sit there, staring at my screen.
It wasn’t possible…
There was no way…
My first thought was my mum. The necklace heated in my hand and I rubbed my thumb over the glass.“I did it,”I whispered to her. Excitement bubbled up in my stomach—an overwhelming joy that threatened to burst out of my lungs.
I’d gotten in. I, Lola O’Connell, was good enough.
Then, like a rock thrown in a river, my joy plummeted and fear set in.London.Leaving Natalie and Ryan. Leaving my home. I’d applied in hope but I hadn’t ever thought I’d actually get in. Now, I was faced with the reality of going through with something that scared the hell out of me. But staying here wasn’t an option…was it? Staying in my safe zone isn’t what my mum would have wanted for me. It wasn’t what I wanted for myself.
What about Alfie?
A world of fear and uncertainty suddenly unfolded at my feet. He had an office in London, it would probably be easier to see him regularly there than here. But college meant being stuck in one place for three years. We would have to do a lot of long distance, the thought made my heart ache. Long distance seemed inevitable though, whether I was here or in London.
My gaze landed on the delicate petals of the bleeding hearts. I fingered them gently, feeling their soft velvet against the pads of my fingers. I wished they would give me wisdom.
I had a hell of a decision to make.
Thirty-Nine
Alfie picked me up at 5.30 on the nose. As usual, I hurried across the car park feeling as if I was on some sort of stealth mission. I found the Lamborghini strangely off-putting, but I climbed in regardless only to find Alfie wearing an amused smirk.
“What?”