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“What better way to congratulate someone than with a giving of bodily fluids?” She grinned, her smile growing wider when I grimaced at her.
“You’re disgusting.”
“And you’re amazing. You know you have to do it, right?” That right there was exactly why I hadn’t told her. Her joyful grin slipped a little as I hesitated and that sinking feeling returned.
“Lo, you can’t seriously be considering passing it up? For aguy?” She scowled and I tried not to laugh. Keira could jump from ecstatic to outraged with the ease of an Olympic pole vaulter.
“He’s not just a guy. He’stheguy, Keira.” I needed her to understand, to not be disappointed in me for needing to think it over.
“Well, if he really istheguy then he’ll still be there when you’ve finished, won’t he?”
“I’m not so sure I want to take that risk, or that I can be apart from him for that long. Please don’t look at me like that.”
“Then start acting like someone I recognise.” This conversation was going downhill really fucking fast. “This is your dream. This was yourmum’sdream.” My chest constricted at her words. She was right. “Lo, I love you, but it’s my job as your best friend to stop you from making stupid decisions because of a guy that’s willing to let you give up your dream so that he can keep you with him.”
“He doesn’t exactly know about me getting in,” I said quietly. Her jaw dropped again and I tried not to look guilty. I had my reasons for not telling him, even if I didn’t fully understand them myself.
“What the hell, Lola! Why not?”
I rubbed my forehead in frustration–how could I possibly explain this to her? “I don’t know. I just feel like he might spoil it.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know!” My voice came out high and shrill. I was drunk, tired, and this conversation was taking a massive detourinto the deeper recesses of my mind, the place where I kept all the concerns I had about Alfie that I didn’t want to deal with.
“Don’t you think that tells you something?”
She held my hand, her thumb stroking softly. I looked down at where she and I joined together. She’d held my hand the same way whenever I got a new unwanted gift from Adam. I would call her upset, and she would come over, watch crappy films with me, and hold my hand. She’d held it this way when my mum died, and years later, when I would sit up all night taking care of my dying grandma, she would sit by me and hold my hand, just like this. It was strange how much emotion such a small gesture could evoke in a person.
“I just need to think. I’ve got two weeks either way, to confirm my place or to leave with Alfie. I just need to think. Please don’t tell him,” I begged, and her face softened.
“I won’t,” she promised and pulled me in for another hug. We stood that way for a moment, hugging in the bushes like a pair of weirdos.
“Hey Lo?” she said, her voice muffled because her face was buried in my hair.
“What?”
“If you go to college, that means that you can move with me, right?”
I pulled away, eyeing her warily. “I guess,”
She arched an eyebrow at me, her bright eyes shining with excitement. “Just imagine all the mischief we could get up to in London.”
Forty-Two
“Tell me, Lola. Are you going to ignore me for the rest of our lives or just until we get back to the hotel?”
I let my silence speak for me, all the while maintaining my stoic glare out of the window of the car.
When Keira and I had finally emerged from our hiding spot, we’d found a very angry Alfie Tell standing outside. I’d decided that my night out had already suffered irreparable damage, kissed Keira, and dutifully gotten into the waiting Rolls Royce.
So far, I’d managed to maintain total silence and it was driving Alfie crazy.
Good.
“You’re being ridiculous, Lola. Talk to me.” I ignored him until I felt a hand on my thigh, making quick progress north. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll make you sing.”
“Alfie! Elliot’s sitting right there,” I hissed, slapping his hand away.