Page 172 of Never Tell Lies

“You didn’t initiate?” Alfie’s eyes narrowed slightly, searching me. I shook my head as best as I could with his hand fisted in my hair. My mind wandered to the person behind me and I wished they weren’t listening to all of this. “Well, that changes things.”

“But I allowed it,” I whispered.

“Where did he touch you?” he asked, ignoring my admission. I didn’t want to relive this. When Bradley had kissed me, it had been sweet and tender, but now the memory of his lips on minemade me nauseous. I played the wretched kiss over in my head and recounted the places where we had touched.

“My cheek, my mouth…and my hair.” His grip tightened and my scalp cried out. Alfie loved my hair. Just this morning I was thinking about how he’d forbidden me from cutting it once. He’d probably shave it off himself now.

“Open your mouth.” I didn’t even think this time, I obeyed without question. I parted my lips and my breath hitched as he slid two fingers inside my mouth. “Did his tongue touch yours?” I wasn’t surprised that he asked that. Alfie was a man of details. He noticed everything, absorbed everything. I nodded, wishing that I could say it wasn’t true.

“Did you like it?” he asked, his tone stiff, as if he didn’t really want to know the answer at all. Another tear slid down my cheek as I nodded again. He pulled his fingers from my mouth, leaving my throat dry and raspy. “Tell me how it felt.”

“Gentle. Easy,” I whispered.

“My kisses don’t feel that way?” His tone was like steel but his eyes, oh God his eyes, they burned me.

“Your kisses could kill me.” The silence drew out, my words deafening us both. His grip remained tight on my hair and my scalp cried out for relief but I didn’t budge, didn’t look away. I stayed with him, in this moment, as he tried to navigate this shit storm I’d plunged us into. I could only hope he would find his way back to me.

“Why did you tell me?” he asked, his voice eerily calm. I was surprised. I would have thought that would have been obvious.

“Because I had to.” My heart hammered painfully in my chest as I spoke and I tried to stay as calm as him.

“No, you didn’t. You could lie. Youshouldlie.” He studied me as if he’d just discovered a new layer of me he was trying to understand.

“I don’t understand.”

“Why aren’t you deceiving me?” he demanded, his tone accusing. “Why aren’t you duplicitous and cruel? Why are yougood?” He searched me again, that confused look returning to his face, and it broke my heart that he wasn’t just trying to understand my betrayal, but my honesty too.

“I’m not good.” I closed my eyes. This wasn’t what I’d expected. I’d expected a rage-filled explosion. This slow, torturous implosion was worse somehow, but his next question plunged that guilt-gilded dagger right into the hilt.

“Are you leaving me for him?”

“No!” I gasped, pure panic rising inside me at even the thought of it.

“Why not?” He pulled my hair tighter. “Why, Lola?”

“Because I can live without Bradley!” More tears fell, and his eyes tracked their path down my cheeks, over my jaw and down my throat. “But without you I would lose my mind.” I waited for his features to soften but instead they remained hard. “When he kissed me, it was the easiest thing in the world, but your kisses burn me, Alfie. Without you, my compass is gone, my GPS is broken, and I don’t know where I am. I want you. Ineedyou.” I felt broken and defeated. Yet there was relief too. I had told him and he was still here. For now.

My scalp was screaming at me and suddenly, the strength I had to take it was gone.

“Alfie, please, it hurts.” He released me instantly and I sighed as my scalp sang out with relief. My cheeks were wet with tears. I wanted to wipe them away but he’d instructed me to keep my hands on my thighs so I remained in position, kneeling at his feet, and whimpered when his hand slipped into my hair, massaging my scalp lightly. I pressed my cheek into his hand but he drew it away sharply and stood.

I looked up, wondering if this was it, if he was about to order me away.

“Come.” He stepped around me and I turned my head, following his retreating form wordlessly as he walked to the lift, where Elliot stood waiting.

Elliot.He was the one who had come in. He’d been here this entire time. He’d heard everything. My skin burned with humiliation but Elliot, professional as ever, remained impassive.

I stood, my legs aching from kneeling for so long.

The lift arrived but I was afraid to get in it. What if Elliot was here to drive me home?

“Where are we going?” I asked, my voice trembling, but Alfie ignored me and stepped through the open doors. Elliot took a few steps towards me and gestured to the lift.

“Miss?” It was a tone I’d heard often from him. The please-don’t-make-me-force-you tone. I bit my lip and walked to the lift.

The doors closed the three of us inside and between them I felt like a trapped animal. I didn’t know where we were going but, wherever it was, I didn’t want to go.

I clasped my necklace, my thumb rubbing over its smooth surface as I tried to calm myself. I yelped as Alfie’s yanked my hand away, forcing it to my side before releasing me again.